My and My Split Personalities
So here it is, noon on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the sofa, in my pajamas, unshowered, eating M&Ms. I know: the mental image I'm giving you is one of pure grace and beauty.
Anyhow, so I'm sitting here, thinking how nice it will be to spend all day sitting by the open window, surfing the internet, applying for jobs, and getting high on chocolate, when I realize I have plans to go out tonight. I am going out in public, where I will be seen by people. Crap. This means I have to put aside the laptop, stop guzzling M&Ms, and take a shower. That sounds difficult.
So I've started debating with myself about whether or not it's worth it to shower just for going out for an hour tonight.
Me #1: You should shower.
Me #2: But I don't wanna get up!
Me #1: It's entirely likely you stink.
Me #2: Tcha! I hardly did anything yesterday. How could I stink?
Me #1: But you're going to see people!
Me #2: Can't I just put my hair up in a ponytail and call it good?
Me #1: These people could judge you!
Me #2: If they're all judgmental, then they're jerks, and why would I care what jerks think?
Me #1: Listen, just go clean up. Your hair is awful, like you decided to use Crisco instead of hair product.
Me #2: Hey! Stop being such a jerk! And that reminds me of a story...
When I was about a year and a half old, my mom left me unattended in the kitchen for a moment. I also happened to be in the presence of a can of shortening. When she came back in the room, I was on my second handful of shortening, with the first handful already smeared across my head, my baby-fine hair plastered to my scalp. Mmmmm. Crisco Hair. According to Mom, it took something like a week's worth of shampooing to make my hair somewhat normal.
All of which brings me back to the thought that I need to take a shower. Crap.
Anyhow, so I'm sitting here, thinking how nice it will be to spend all day sitting by the open window, surfing the internet, applying for jobs, and getting high on chocolate, when I realize I have plans to go out tonight. I am going out in public, where I will be seen by people. Crap. This means I have to put aside the laptop, stop guzzling M&Ms, and take a shower. That sounds difficult.
So I've started debating with myself about whether or not it's worth it to shower just for going out for an hour tonight.
Me #1: You should shower.
Me #2: But I don't wanna get up!
Me #1: It's entirely likely you stink.
Me #2: Tcha! I hardly did anything yesterday. How could I stink?
Me #1: But you're going to see people!
Me #2: Can't I just put my hair up in a ponytail and call it good?
Me #1: These people could judge you!
Me #2: If they're all judgmental, then they're jerks, and why would I care what jerks think?
Me #1: Listen, just go clean up. Your hair is awful, like you decided to use Crisco instead of hair product.
Me #2: Hey! Stop being such a jerk! And that reminds me of a story...
When I was about a year and a half old, my mom left me unattended in the kitchen for a moment. I also happened to be in the presence of a can of shortening. When she came back in the room, I was on my second handful of shortening, with the first handful already smeared across my head, my baby-fine hair plastered to my scalp. Mmmmm. Crisco Hair. According to Mom, it took something like a week's worth of shampooing to make my hair somewhat normal.
All of which brings me back to the thought that I need to take a shower. Crap.