In Which I Wax Philosophical
Lately things have been going better for me, particularly where Everyone's Favorite Student is concerned.
Just a few days after "The Incident" (Oh, the incident!), he was in art class, and I asked him to show another student how to apply ink for printing, and he did so willingly. Moments later, when another student stood in line to access the materials, EFS turned to the student and, without being prompted, proceeded to help that student get started as well. I tucked that away, saving this positive thought like a coin in a bank, hoping to withdraw it when my patience ran short.
Then just last week, EFS asked to go get a drink. As he left, he turned to me,and said, "Hey, any of these kids give you any trouble, let me know, and I'll take care of it. I will!" I was tickled at his sudden "concern" for my well-being with the "hooligans" of my art class. It amused me.
I thought things were going well. But then two days ago he didn't show up to my art class, and his status in the computer attendance program was changed to suspended. And he was suspended today. And it's looking like he will be expelled.
When I heard that news, I wasn't happy like I thought I would be when this happened. I thought I would feel relieved that I wouldn't have to deal with his melodrama. I thought I would be fine with it.
But I actually feel disappointed. I have a strangely hollow feeling bereft of any joy. I really wanted him to change, to be successful. But that time is over. And it feels like failure.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is my failure; I feel like it is a system failure, a world failure. How different would it have been if this kid had just had something happen to change his trajectory!
I look back at his life, and I see where things went wrong for him, and I think, "Who could have stepped in there to change this?" There were so many places this could have happened, and now that door is shut and barred. So much of what he needed should have happened before now, should have happened years ago. But I can't change that.
And I wish I could.
Just a few days after "The Incident" (Oh, the incident!), he was in art class, and I asked him to show another student how to apply ink for printing, and he did so willingly. Moments later, when another student stood in line to access the materials, EFS turned to the student and, without being prompted, proceeded to help that student get started as well. I tucked that away, saving this positive thought like a coin in a bank, hoping to withdraw it when my patience ran short.
Then just last week, EFS asked to go get a drink. As he left, he turned to me,and said, "Hey, any of these kids give you any trouble, let me know, and I'll take care of it. I will!" I was tickled at his sudden "concern" for my well-being with the "hooligans" of my art class. It amused me.
I thought things were going well. But then two days ago he didn't show up to my art class, and his status in the computer attendance program was changed to suspended. And he was suspended today. And it's looking like he will be expelled.
When I heard that news, I wasn't happy like I thought I would be when this happened. I thought I would feel relieved that I wouldn't have to deal with his melodrama. I thought I would be fine with it.
But I actually feel disappointed. I have a strangely hollow feeling bereft of any joy. I really wanted him to change, to be successful. But that time is over. And it feels like failure.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is my failure; I feel like it is a system failure, a world failure. How different would it have been if this kid had just had something happen to change his trajectory!
I look back at his life, and I see where things went wrong for him, and I think, "Who could have stepped in there to change this?" There were so many places this could have happened, and now that door is shut and barred. So much of what he needed should have happened before now, should have happened years ago. But I can't change that.
And I wish I could.