(no subject)
So I'm randomly posting in my (hardly ever updated) journal because I need to get some things off my chest. I don't expect much response since I've been idol for so long, but I just need to say this.
I'm thinking about dropping out of college.
Currently, I'm majoring in creative writing and my full intention is to become a published novelist. I've had this dream since I was like 8 years old and it's not going to change. I'm prepared to dedicate myself one hundred percent to my writing, but it's insanely hard to do that when I hardly have any free time as it is because I have to devote so much time to school. I don't think that anything I'm learning is helping me achieve my dream, and I feel like the only way I'm going to ever be published is if I actually write full time.
I've considered a ton of options to my dilemma:
1) Stay at Purdue, but take less hours: Right now I'm taking 18, and I could easily just take 12 next semester so that the load is less, but even that sounds aggravating.
2) Stay at Purdue, but become part time: I could just take some creative writing classes or other classes that interests me, but again I ask, what's the point?
3) Find an actual creative writing school: My only real issue with that plan is that I like it in Indiana, and I want to stay in Lafayette. I have a roommate who I love, who is my best friend in the whole wide world, and I don't want to move away. I've tried to find stuff in Indy, but I think if I wanted a real writing school, I'd have to head to Chicago or New York.
4) Drop out altogether and get a job to make money: If I work somewhere that doesn't require a lot of thinking, I wouldn't feel as overwhelmed, and I'd still be able to focus on my writing.
HOWEVER, the problem with all these options is that they are insanely life altering and no one in my family would understand. I grew up in a middle-class, college bound family, and I think if I told my dad, even my sister (who is everything to me) that I was dropping out, they would all assume that it's because I'm lazy and that I don't have any ambition. But that's not the case. It's not like I'm saying that "I want to be a lawyer, but I don't want to go to school". I don't *need* school to be a writer. I need experience, and I'm not getting that at Purdue. If I needed school to achieve my dreams, I'd be busting my ass to do it. Fact is, I don't need school. So I'm torn.
This decision is stressing me out tremendously and I think it explains why I've been so overtired lately. I'm supposed to register for next semester within the next couple of weeks, and I don't know what to do. And I don't know who to talk to about it because no matter how much I support my decision, I know that anyone I tell is going to think the worst of me and probably be ashamed of me. I'm just at a loss, and I'm feeling more depressed than I have ever felt in my entire life.
I'm thinking about dropping out of college.
Currently, I'm majoring in creative writing and my full intention is to become a published novelist. I've had this dream since I was like 8 years old and it's not going to change. I'm prepared to dedicate myself one hundred percent to my writing, but it's insanely hard to do that when I hardly have any free time as it is because I have to devote so much time to school. I don't think that anything I'm learning is helping me achieve my dream, and I feel like the only way I'm going to ever be published is if I actually write full time.
I've considered a ton of options to my dilemma:
1) Stay at Purdue, but take less hours: Right now I'm taking 18, and I could easily just take 12 next semester so that the load is less, but even that sounds aggravating.
2) Stay at Purdue, but become part time: I could just take some creative writing classes or other classes that interests me, but again I ask, what's the point?
3) Find an actual creative writing school: My only real issue with that plan is that I like it in Indiana, and I want to stay in Lafayette. I have a roommate who I love, who is my best friend in the whole wide world, and I don't want to move away. I've tried to find stuff in Indy, but I think if I wanted a real writing school, I'd have to head to Chicago or New York.
4) Drop out altogether and get a job to make money: If I work somewhere that doesn't require a lot of thinking, I wouldn't feel as overwhelmed, and I'd still be able to focus on my writing.
HOWEVER, the problem with all these options is that they are insanely life altering and no one in my family would understand. I grew up in a middle-class, college bound family, and I think if I told my dad, even my sister (who is everything to me) that I was dropping out, they would all assume that it's because I'm lazy and that I don't have any ambition. But that's not the case. It's not like I'm saying that "I want to be a lawyer, but I don't want to go to school". I don't *need* school to be a writer. I need experience, and I'm not getting that at Purdue. If I needed school to achieve my dreams, I'd be busting my ass to do it. Fact is, I don't need school. So I'm torn.
This decision is stressing me out tremendously and I think it explains why I've been so overtired lately. I'm supposed to register for next semester within the next couple of weeks, and I don't know what to do. And I don't know who to talk to about it because no matter how much I support my decision, I know that anyone I tell is going to think the worst of me and probably be ashamed of me. I'm just at a loss, and I'm feeling more depressed than I have ever felt in my entire life.