im scared of finding out that in the end it will always be just me without you

[loosingyou]

im tired of being alone.
im tired of writing the same things over and over.
im tired of waiting for alot of the same things some people never have to wait for.
im tired of wanting things i couldn't possibly have.
im tired of counting the lines on my finger tips.
im tired of counting hours.
minutes.
days.
im tired of my dreams being better than my real life.
im tired of being the only one who hasnt had a first kiss.
im tired of myself.
im tired of pretending i can be something i know im not.
im tired of being emo.
and its all because really im tired of how you make me feel.
i hate that u have reduced me, always, to a little girl.
im not this vounerable, i can be strong.
i dont know who i think you are, but you have ruined me.
no one wants me because i am damaged goods.
i know im not beautiful.
i know im not.
i know im not what you want to wake up next to.
i know what i am and what i have.
i dont have a nice body, i have scars and too much roll.
but i know that besides all of that i can love so much, and so deep.
i know that i am loyal, fiercly loyal..to my friends to my family to whoever you might be.
i know that besides having no sense of self esteem, i think i like who i am.
i think i do.
i just have to make u believe that you do too.
i fucking hate you.
you ruined my life.
im sitting on the floor in a tear stained shirt.
but tommorow i will be ok.
and then the day after...well
lets take it one day at a time