finally
A year ago I met Doug, three years ago tonight or tomorrow night I got in that car accident, this year I'm suppose to graduate. I keep thinking about how much I have changed ,for the better, over these past 3 and a half years. I am so happy to have grown enough to be able to be in such a great relationship with someone that I finally do respect and consider a best friend. I am so happy that I have suppressed my urges to lie and cheat and pretty much sabotage, the relationship.
I know I should be studying but I can't stop thinking about things, things I have done wrong, done right or should have done these past few years. I regret not being able to graduate this year so much. I want nothing more then to get out of this fucking school, this town (new brunswick) full of people and memories I'd rather forget and just move on. Move on to where.... I don't know. I know I want to help people but even my want of going to graduate school and becoming a therapist isn't getting me out of here any faster.
I heard the saddest and most fucked up thing in a restroom off the turnpike today. This mom was screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting her kid trying to make him pee. He kept saying don't hurt me and cried and cried and cried. The mother just screamed even more and I couldn't help it I just started crying. I wanted to do something, I just wanted to get up run out there and tell her if she didn't know how to raise her kid then maybe she shouldn't have had him. I wanted to tell her that freaking out her kid isn't going to make him go to the bathroom faster. I just wanted to make her stop, but I didn't. I didn't know what do do. I felt so guilty on my ride home about not stopping her. I thought of all the times I wished that someone had stopped my dad, all the times I wish my mom had stopped my dad. I don't know what would have been worse saying something and making the mom more angry or just doing what I did, nothing.
I know I should be studying but I can't stop thinking about things, things I have done wrong, done right or should have done these past few years. I regret not being able to graduate this year so much. I want nothing more then to get out of this fucking school, this town (new brunswick) full of people and memories I'd rather forget and just move on. Move on to where.... I don't know. I know I want to help people but even my want of going to graduate school and becoming a therapist isn't getting me out of here any faster.
I heard the saddest and most fucked up thing in a restroom off the turnpike today. This mom was screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting her kid trying to make him pee. He kept saying don't hurt me and cried and cried and cried. The mother just screamed even more and I couldn't help it I just started crying. I wanted to do something, I just wanted to get up run out there and tell her if she didn't know how to raise her kid then maybe she shouldn't have had him. I wanted to tell her that freaking out her kid isn't going to make him go to the bathroom faster. I just wanted to make her stop, but I didn't. I didn't know what do do. I felt so guilty on my ride home about not stopping her. I thought of all the times I wished that someone had stopped my dad, all the times I wish my mom had stopped my dad. I don't know what would have been worse saying something and making the mom more angry or just doing what I did, nothing.