it has been kinda crazy
So spring break was awesome but maybe i'll write about that later after I get my computer back and can post my pictures of Shamu. Actually I think it might be Shamu the 5th but whatever killer whales are amazing. Doug and I had an awesome time, never fought and never got sick of each other. I met his parents which was kind of nerve wracking but like Doug they are awesome and very sweet people. They embraced me as one of their own which was nice since I knew Doug was saying good things about me.I wanted to meet up to their expectations and I think I did a good job.
We played mini gold with one of his ex-girlfriends, her husband and their friends. I won the first game which amazed me because the last time I played I was so bad that I vowed never to play it again. Then again the kids we were playing were heavily under the influence of marijuana so that probably helped my chances.
Oh and at Sea World we fed a blind seal, touched stingrays, walked through the shark tunnel oh and SHAMU!!! I seriously love the shamu show. When I was younger I always wanted to be a trainer but Marine Biology just isn't right for me.
Oh and Doug took me to thing fondue place called "the melting pot" and I was amazed because I had always thought fondue was a foreign, high class thing. And our waitress was the cutest thing when she found out where Doug had gone to school she started asking for advice about her portfolio it was so fucking cute. She was like the Lebanese Amelie, she was just so damn cute.
We also went to Sarasota and visited his college and I got to meet some of his friends that were a year younger then him. His school was so tiny compared to what I'm use at Rutgers. We also went to the beach in Sarasota and it was so beautiful. The sand was fine and white and it was just great to be out of dreary weather.
I also got to save a little seahorse that got washed onto shore. At least I hope I saved it by putting it back in the water. It sounds kind of silly but I was really awe-struck by the little thing. It moved it's little tail and look at me with it's little black eye before I sent it on its way.
Seriously the trip was awesome but it's so much better with the pictures.
--------------------
I also got my monroe pierced which pissed my mom off. I didn't thing she would get that mad at me but she didn't talk to me for almost 2 days. I didn't even want to get her mad. Getting my belly button pierced at 16 was a (small) sign of rebellion on my part. I'm through with that shit now though and I really did not want to upset her. When she first saw it was the first time she had seen me since I had left for Florida. I didn't even get a "hello" she just freaked out.
--------------------
This week I started my animal exhibiting class. So everyday, for an hour, I hang out with sheep and goats. My sheep's name is Mary Ann and I can't really do much walking with her because she's going to give birth soon. I can play with the little baby sheep and goats though which is really awesome.
---------------------------
I want my hair to grow sooo bad. It figures that when I want it to grow it's doing so at an extremely slow rate. I just want to grow out my layers because I really butchered my hair over the past year.
-----------------------------------
I got to see a close friend of mine when I got home from spring break. I hadn't seen her in almost two years and we hadn't talked in almost a year but it was good to see her. It felt as if nothing had changed between us. Unfortunately she didn't come to Jersey for a vacation.
While I was in Florida she called me. I was so excited and nervous that I started telling her about how I had called her the week prior to wish her a happy birthday but she hadn't picked up.
(When I had called her I was ready to give up on our friendship. I couldn't even leave a message when I called her that time. By leaving the message that put me in a situation where she could have easily blown me off. If she didn't call me back it would have been the biggest blow to my self.)
She then told me her mom had died and that the wake was that night and that she just thought I should know. I felt so fucking terrible. I thought that I had been so selfish to think of only our friendship when she could have been going through a whole mess of things. What I had originally thought was that her mom was sick and had died.
I can't even explain how upset I was and still am.
I got to see her on the Sunday when I got back from Florida. I asked her what happened and she told me. I felt like I was punched in the face. I don't even want to type it because the word couldn't even describe the emotions that go along with it. Her mom had done it in her garage with the car running and garage door closed tight.
Knowing what had happened made me more upset. Knowing that this didn't have to happen made me sad. Knowing that she left my friend and her younger sister to carry the burden of what had happened both enrages me and saddens me.
If I feel shitty about the whole thing I can't even image how people closer to her must feel. I really makes me sick to my stomach.
We promised to keep in touch though and I will really try hard to. It's just tough when we haven't lived lived near each other since we were in 9th grade. Her living in another state puts another strain on the relationship. No matter where she lives though she always been one of my dearest friends.
-----------------------
After I saw my friend I called my dad. I told him that I love him and that I was sorry if I act a little distance sometimes. I told him that I wasn't use to this kind of treatment (he had been calling me and asking me to hang out) and that there were alot of things that had happened that still bother me. I told him I knew that he had cheated on mom and that there was alot of stuff that I had to get over. He said that we could talk anytime. I said thank you but I'm just not ready to say the things I've been wanting to say to him.
I've had so much hatred toward him for as long as I could remember that not felling hatred almost feeling genuinely loving toward him is a very scary thing. I have never had any nice feelings about him. all my feelings were always tainted with fear and mistrust.
I remember a few years ago I once said that I had hated my dad and a friend of mine had the balls to say "no you don't". For some reason that comment bothered me but I guess he was right.
We played mini gold with one of his ex-girlfriends, her husband and their friends. I won the first game which amazed me because the last time I played I was so bad that I vowed never to play it again. Then again the kids we were playing were heavily under the influence of marijuana so that probably helped my chances.
Oh and at Sea World we fed a blind seal, touched stingrays, walked through the shark tunnel oh and SHAMU!!! I seriously love the shamu show. When I was younger I always wanted to be a trainer but Marine Biology just isn't right for me.
Oh and Doug took me to thing fondue place called "the melting pot" and I was amazed because I had always thought fondue was a foreign, high class thing. And our waitress was the cutest thing when she found out where Doug had gone to school she started asking for advice about her portfolio it was so fucking cute. She was like the Lebanese Amelie, she was just so damn cute.
We also went to Sarasota and visited his college and I got to meet some of his friends that were a year younger then him. His school was so tiny compared to what I'm use at Rutgers. We also went to the beach in Sarasota and it was so beautiful. The sand was fine and white and it was just great to be out of dreary weather.
I also got to save a little seahorse that got washed onto shore. At least I hope I saved it by putting it back in the water. It sounds kind of silly but I was really awe-struck by the little thing. It moved it's little tail and look at me with it's little black eye before I sent it on its way.
Seriously the trip was awesome but it's so much better with the pictures.
--------------------
I also got my monroe pierced which pissed my mom off. I didn't thing she would get that mad at me but she didn't talk to me for almost 2 days. I didn't even want to get her mad. Getting my belly button pierced at 16 was a (small) sign of rebellion on my part. I'm through with that shit now though and I really did not want to upset her. When she first saw it was the first time she had seen me since I had left for Florida. I didn't even get a "hello" she just freaked out.
--------------------
This week I started my animal exhibiting class. So everyday, for an hour, I hang out with sheep and goats. My sheep's name is Mary Ann and I can't really do much walking with her because she's going to give birth soon. I can play with the little baby sheep and goats though which is really awesome.
---------------------------
I want my hair to grow sooo bad. It figures that when I want it to grow it's doing so at an extremely slow rate. I just want to grow out my layers because I really butchered my hair over the past year.
-----------------------------------
I got to see a close friend of mine when I got home from spring break. I hadn't seen her in almost two years and we hadn't talked in almost a year but it was good to see her. It felt as if nothing had changed between us. Unfortunately she didn't come to Jersey for a vacation.
While I was in Florida she called me. I was so excited and nervous that I started telling her about how I had called her the week prior to wish her a happy birthday but she hadn't picked up.
(When I had called her I was ready to give up on our friendship. I couldn't even leave a message when I called her that time. By leaving the message that put me in a situation where she could have easily blown me off. If she didn't call me back it would have been the biggest blow to my self.)
She then told me her mom had died and that the wake was that night and that she just thought I should know. I felt so fucking terrible. I thought that I had been so selfish to think of only our friendship when she could have been going through a whole mess of things. What I had originally thought was that her mom was sick and had died.
I can't even explain how upset I was and still am.
I got to see her on the Sunday when I got back from Florida. I asked her what happened and she told me. I felt like I was punched in the face. I don't even want to type it because the word couldn't even describe the emotions that go along with it. Her mom had done it in her garage with the car running and garage door closed tight.
Knowing what had happened made me more upset. Knowing that this didn't have to happen made me sad. Knowing that she left my friend and her younger sister to carry the burden of what had happened both enrages me and saddens me.
If I feel shitty about the whole thing I can't even image how people closer to her must feel. I really makes me sick to my stomach.
We promised to keep in touch though and I will really try hard to. It's just tough when we haven't lived lived near each other since we were in 9th grade. Her living in another state puts another strain on the relationship. No matter where she lives though she always been one of my dearest friends.
-----------------------
After I saw my friend I called my dad. I told him that I love him and that I was sorry if I act a little distance sometimes. I told him that I wasn't use to this kind of treatment (he had been calling me and asking me to hang out) and that there were alot of things that had happened that still bother me. I told him I knew that he had cheated on mom and that there was alot of stuff that I had to get over. He said that we could talk anytime. I said thank you but I'm just not ready to say the things I've been wanting to say to him.
I've had so much hatred toward him for as long as I could remember that not felling hatred almost feeling genuinely loving toward him is a very scary thing. I have never had any nice feelings about him. all my feelings were always tainted with fear and mistrust.
I remember a few years ago I once said that I had hated my dad and a friend of mine had the balls to say "no you don't". For some reason that comment bothered me but I guess he was right.