TODD SUGARS
No one knows who Todd Sugars is exactly, or where he came from. He first made his appearance in Dean Koontz’s fourth novel, Odd Hours, potentially after hijacking Odd’s manuscript and thus began his reign of terror. Because, oh no, Odd’s usual whacky antics in his fourth tale were not enough to sate Todd’s bloodthirsty appetite. His doppelganger took it upon himself to “spice up” the action, so to speak.
At least this, as far as we can tell, is the only explanation we have for the complete 180 in Odd’s personality within the events of Odd Hours, for a variety of reasons. The primary one being his sudden ability to recover from his crippling hoplophobia and, as a result, single-handedly gunning down a group of terrorists that were for some reason hellbent on blowing up the country at the time.
Either that or Odd got really drunk the night he conceived the Odd Hours manuscript and bent the truth a little.
Since then, theories and crack run rampant.
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Todd Sugars Facts
- Once Odd tried to use his dark power rings to summon Captain Planet only instead of Captain Planet, Todd Sugars showed up.
- It is believed that Todd Sugars edited Odd Hours. Because, really, how likely is it for Odd to have recovered from a legitimate fear of guns overnight? Which leads us to believe...
- FACT! Todd Sugars looks almost exactly like Odd Thomas. He is also the unwanted bastard child of Odd’s grandma Pearl Sugars, hence the surname. God knows what she was thinking.
- FACT! Todd Sugars loves guns. A lot. When he has a gun, crickets begin playing The Terminator theme.
- FACT! Todd Sugars did not have any relations to Stormy Llewellyn. His allocations of having anything to do with her are falsified for the sake of narration, proof supported by the existence of Annamaria, a Stormy Llewellyn clone, who is pregnant.
- FACT! Todd Sugars will shoot you if you look like a terrorist.
- FACT! Todd Sugars will shoot your cat if it looks like a terrorist.
- FACT! Todd Sugars has a severe allergic reaction to curse words. This he tries to get around be replacing them with clumsy and inappropriate synonyms, such as “fornication” and “rectum”. It is believed that if Todd Sugars writes down a curse word, his throat will swell up and he will die.
- Todd Sugars is a true patriot. He killed a woman and she died in his arms with the National Anthem playing in the background, and the only reason he explains this away is that he did it FOR AMERICA.
- When you see pieces of the American flag, that is old scraps of glory left behind by Todd Sugars.
- Todd Sugars hangs out with Jesus frequently. They are Sunday homeboys.
- As theory has it, Todd materialized from the black room Odd had stepped into in his first manuscript, thanks to the bodach-infested apartment. Here, Odd encountered “another him” on the other side. As he did not want to break any parallels in reality by making contact with another version of himself, Odd promptly turned and stepped out of the black room. It is possible that hereafter was the birth of Todd Sugars, lingering in the shadows of Odd’s forthcoming manuscripts.
- After Odd’s experience in the black room, the birth of Todd Sugars was simultaneously in fruition, bursting out from Little Ozzie’s precious cow with an immediate right to bear arms. There has not been a terrorist attack in the United States ever since.
- Odd Thomas drinks to forget all the terrible things Todd Sugars has done.
- God had to give Todd Sugars immunity on the sixth commandment, Thou shalt not kill. If he hadn’t, Todd would’ve considered God to be a terrorist and God knows what happens to terrorists.
- Todd Sugars killed a terrorist after torturing him for information. After getting the information, he brought him back to life and tortured him to death again because the terrorist deserved it.
- Todd Sugars is the leading cause of death of terrorists everywhere.
- Todd Sugars does not run out of ammunition. He simply lets everyone else have their moment to shine.
- The war in Iraq will end when Todd Sugars feels like it.
- THE EVIL TODD SUGARS is played by Sean Connery.
- They say that if you enter your bathroom, turn out the lights so it’s completely dark, light a lone candle, look directly into your bathroom mirror, and chant the word terrorist three times, Todd Sugars will kick open the bathroom door from the outside and shoot you in the face.
- Todd Sugars’ Theme Song: America, Fuck Yeah!. Unfortunately, due to his crippling allergy to cursing he can only really sing along to half of the song, because saying “fornicate yeah!” just sounds silly.
- FACT! Todd Sugars attempted to vote McCain a grand total of one hundred thirty three times in sixteen different states. His methods of getting back in line undetected involved a vest padded with stolen IDs and one Groucho Marx disguise.
- Story has it that if you stare into the Abyss long enough, Todd Sugars stares back at you.
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Quotes
Any gun is less intimate than a knife. Killing [Datura] intimately, up close and personal, her blood pouring back along the handle of the knife: That required a different Odd Thomas from a parallel dimension, one who was crueler than I and less worried about cleanliness.
-Forever Odd
“Todd Sugars here is brought to us by a Becky Dryfreeze. Most likely she is egged on by a plethora of similar likeminded idiots. Watch out oh my god they say if you meet your doppleganger it’ll try to kill you. THIS ONE WILL NO DOUBT TRY AND GUN YOU DOWN.”
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Nickbutt