Le sigh....
Today was the last day of classes. I still have three finals (French, Friday, 2 PM; PDAP, Saturday, 8 AM; o-chem, Monday, 8 AM), but I'm not really thinking about them right now... I'm just kind of sitting here in a quiet melancholy state.
Last night I was up until 2 for the sixth night in a row. I was working on the o-chem yearbook -- I bought a lab notebook with the intention that everyone get a page to kind of write about what they liked about o-chem/Dr. J. I passed it around in class yesterday and got eight pages of notes, definitely a good start. Then I got Sara to send me all 73 pictures of organic chemistry softball, and I weeded out the horrendously blurry ones, then printed off the few clear ones in the lab and printed off the 50 blurry ones in color in thumbnail size. I then spent about an hour glueing them all into the lab book with captions and whatnot, which was fun. At about 12:30 AM I finished that... but then there was still the matter of my entry in the book. I'd been agonizing over it, wanting it to be perfect... and also wanting it to not come off sounding like I was stalking him or something, lol. I finally came up with something that I felt conveyed how much I cared about him without sounding vaguely creepy and wrote that in, which took a while. Oh, and then I also wrote an o-chem top ten list. Anywho....
Dear Dr. J,
Hm... I'm not really sure where to begin. This year has been amazing. I've changed so much and learned many things, a lot of which came from this class. I learned that opposites attract, that you can't stop Fridays, that you should not yell curse words around your small children. Oh, and I think there was something about chemistry, but I'm not sure. :)
You have made this class so wonderful for me. The energy, the humor, the enthusiasm, the sheer zaniness you bring to o-chem has made chalk line drawings mean something to me. I never missed a day of class because I wanted to learn the day's lesson, and learn it from you.
This was a hard year on a lot of levels. For one thing, this class kicked my ass; having other classes didn't help. For another, there were difficult things going on, both in my life, and in the lives of people I know. It was hard because I could do nothing about their struggles, even though they affected me as well.
I've never lost anyone close to me; I can't imagine what it was like for you this year. But I wanted you to know that I felt for you. You're a phenomenal teacher, and from what I've seen, a good person as well. Few teachers have affected me so deeply or strongly, and even fewer have crossed that line between "teacher" and "human being." You certainly have, and that's why I left for you as strongly as I did.
I'm going to miss this class something terrible. No more story days, no more mechanisms scrawled across the board (though I'll always be glad there's no more problem sets). Anyway... I just wanted to thank you for this year and this class.
Thank you, Dr. J. For everything.
Took a long time to wake up this morning; ended up being late to PDAP for the last time. Woohoo. PDAP was actually amusing; Hawke and Carter had kind of a face-off about which was better, animals or plants. (Hawke: "As an animal, I excrete precious bodily fluids. When I run, I sweat. When I'm sad, I cry. When I get scared, I pee my pants.") It was fun. :) Then we let out early for teacher evaluations (I gave Carter a negative one and only felt slightly bad), and everyone went upstairs to the o-chem classroom to prepare for our little party.
Things went pretty well. We had tons of food -- my four bags of Chex Mix (bought from the Montag), cupcakes, brownies, three dozen Krispy Kremes, strawberries with whipped cream and yogurt, drinks, cookies, chips, etc., etc. Anna had at admonish Dr. J a few times to keep him from inhaling the food before the rest of us could get any. ;) So then we all got hopped up on sugary food... at some point Jack came in, clearly hungover/drunk, lol.... His hair was all messed up and his eyes were terribly bloodshot. Ouch. Sara took some hilarious video of him, though, I gotta say....
We pretty much just winged things. At some point when everyone was milling around the food I went up to Dr. J with my o-chem comic book I'm drawing; I've got seven pages so far. The plot is that we're attacked by prospies, who want to know how to get to this mystical spirit world; later we fall into this supernatural chemical dimension, where Dr. J (in a tutu) is our spirit guide, and there's an evil molecule running around who kidnaps Jack and throws problem set problems at us. So I showed him it, and he was quite thrilled -- "Wow! Hey, there I am!" he said when I showed him the page with the tutu'd and tiara'd Dr. J. ROFL. So I'ma gonna finish that over the summer, ink it and maybe color it, and then give him a copy. Good times.
Beyond that, we also had some poem/top ten list reading, and Amanda from the other class came in and played on the piano they'd stolen from the music building. It was funny; she had to sit on a fan since the only chair in the room was too short, and Dr. J insisted on getting a picture. ("Lemme get a closeup of the fan there...") She played this really awesome, insane piece; it reminded me of that frenetic hour before the problem set was due, where we were all in the Hearth frantically writing out the new solution to problem eight. Ahhh... good times. We also had Dr. J try and make a target on the chalkboard that he could throw his little sticky soccer ball at, and then Jake sang us a lovely song about isoprene. w00t!
By then it was about time to leave... as people began shuffling out, I hurriedly grabbed up the yearbook from one of the students, then went down to the front of the room to give it to Dr. J. I announced what it was, and said that I'd leave it there for people to write in it if they hadn't had the chance already, but I wanted to officially give it to him. So I flipped through the pages and showed him the softball pictures and all the entries in the book. He seemed quite tickled by the pictures and everything, and thanked me for it. Then I gave him a big hug, and said, "Dr. J, I'm really gonna miss this class."
"Hey, I'm gonna miss this class too," he said, smiling.
"Yeah...." I sighed. "It's just been a really great year. Thanks, Dr. J." I was fumbling for words, not sure what I wanted to say, or how I could convey the weight of my jumbled emotions. I settled for just a big smile, and another thank you.
Then I realized I had to collect some money for the Krispy Kremes, and I did that, and then just about everyone had left except for a few people, and Dr. J cleaning up food. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay forever; wanted to sit and learn organic chemistry from Dr. J for years to come. But I knew I couldn't; everything is transient in the end, and you just have to learn to move on and put things away when they're finished... or at least that's what I thought I should be thinking. Instead, like I said, I could only think, I don't want to go. Dr. J came over to the doorway where I was hesitating, and Sara said, "She doesn't want to leave."
I turned back to look at him. "I really don't... this year has just been so awesome. I love this class...."
"Well, you've still got the final to look forward to," he laughed. "Not exactly the best consolation prize, though...."
"No, it's really not," I said, laughing... but I could feel that I was close to tears. I wasn't actually teary, but I seemed to be in a peculiar place where one thing could push me over the edge. I fumbled for more words. "Well... I hope you enjoy the yearbook thingy," I said.
He smiled; it didn't seem his usual lighthearted grin, but something more. "I definitely will. Thank you, for putting that all together."
"You're welcome." I smiled. "Bye, Dr. J." With that I walked out into the hall with Sara, staring down at the floor, moving my feet in the usual pattern.
"Sara, I don't want to go," I said, half-joking, half-serious, still in that uneasy near-tears state. We walked down to Goudy and then I went to the UC, where I mailed Chelsea's package, and then I went back to my room, wondering what I was going to do, and why I felt I had to do something.
It probably seems like I have some kind of unhealthy obsession with this man. The fact is, I love him like a father, even though because it's a class with thirty or forty people in it, he probably sees me as just another student. And that's fine. But to me, like I said in an entry several months ago, he's won enough of my respect and my admiration that he means a lot more to me than most teachers. It's always hard for me to leave behind teachers I love -- Mr. Bigelow, Mr. Tucker, Mr. Sherden, Mr. Dyer (and yes, I have noticed they are all men; I admit I have hangups in the father arena) -- but this time it's harder. Dr. J is my favorite; not only is he just a spectacular teacher, but I saw a more human side to him than I see from most teachers. His father's death hurt because it hurt him, and I cared about him. Is that creepy? Is it unhealthy? I don't know. I don't even particularly care. I'm going to hold onto this as long as I can, because Dr. J makes me love freaking organic chemistry, and he makes us laugh, and when he says I've done well I feel pride, and that's a feeling I like. It's 2 AM (sorry Chelsea! But I don't have to get up quite so early tomorrow...) and I'm rambling and feeling strange, but dammit, I care about Dr. J, and I don't want to let that go, because it's important to me.
Well... I'm not quite sure how to end this entry, so I guess I'll just let it stand as is. Night, folks.
(I love this song I'm listening to. It's from the scene in 28 Days Later when the main character is running through the house at the end; it conveys such rage and desperation and despair that it makes me cry. If I could only write emotion like this, I'd be set.)
Last night I was up until 2 for the sixth night in a row. I was working on the o-chem yearbook -- I bought a lab notebook with the intention that everyone get a page to kind of write about what they liked about o-chem/Dr. J. I passed it around in class yesterday and got eight pages of notes, definitely a good start. Then I got Sara to send me all 73 pictures of organic chemistry softball, and I weeded out the horrendously blurry ones, then printed off the few clear ones in the lab and printed off the 50 blurry ones in color in thumbnail size. I then spent about an hour glueing them all into the lab book with captions and whatnot, which was fun. At about 12:30 AM I finished that... but then there was still the matter of my entry in the book. I'd been agonizing over it, wanting it to be perfect... and also wanting it to not come off sounding like I was stalking him or something, lol. I finally came up with something that I felt conveyed how much I cared about him without sounding vaguely creepy and wrote that in, which took a while. Oh, and then I also wrote an o-chem top ten list. Anywho....
Dear Dr. J,
Hm... I'm not really sure where to begin. This year has been amazing. I've changed so much and learned many things, a lot of which came from this class. I learned that opposites attract, that you can't stop Fridays, that you should not yell curse words around your small children. Oh, and I think there was something about chemistry, but I'm not sure. :)
You have made this class so wonderful for me. The energy, the humor, the enthusiasm, the sheer zaniness you bring to o-chem has made chalk line drawings mean something to me. I never missed a day of class because I wanted to learn the day's lesson, and learn it from you.
This was a hard year on a lot of levels. For one thing, this class kicked my ass; having other classes didn't help. For another, there were difficult things going on, both in my life, and in the lives of people I know. It was hard because I could do nothing about their struggles, even though they affected me as well.
I've never lost anyone close to me; I can't imagine what it was like for you this year. But I wanted you to know that I felt for you. You're a phenomenal teacher, and from what I've seen, a good person as well. Few teachers have affected me so deeply or strongly, and even fewer have crossed that line between "teacher" and "human being." You certainly have, and that's why I left for you as strongly as I did.
I'm going to miss this class something terrible. No more story days, no more mechanisms scrawled across the board (though I'll always be glad there's no more problem sets). Anyway... I just wanted to thank you for this year and this class.
Thank you, Dr. J. For everything.
Took a long time to wake up this morning; ended up being late to PDAP for the last time. Woohoo. PDAP was actually amusing; Hawke and Carter had kind of a face-off about which was better, animals or plants. (Hawke: "As an animal, I excrete precious bodily fluids. When I run, I sweat. When I'm sad, I cry. When I get scared, I pee my pants.") It was fun. :) Then we let out early for teacher evaluations (I gave Carter a negative one and only felt slightly bad), and everyone went upstairs to the o-chem classroom to prepare for our little party.
Things went pretty well. We had tons of food -- my four bags of Chex Mix (bought from the Montag), cupcakes, brownies, three dozen Krispy Kremes, strawberries with whipped cream and yogurt, drinks, cookies, chips, etc., etc. Anna had at admonish Dr. J a few times to keep him from inhaling the food before the rest of us could get any. ;) So then we all got hopped up on sugary food... at some point Jack came in, clearly hungover/drunk, lol.... His hair was all messed up and his eyes were terribly bloodshot. Ouch. Sara took some hilarious video of him, though, I gotta say....
We pretty much just winged things. At some point when everyone was milling around the food I went up to Dr. J with my o-chem comic book I'm drawing; I've got seven pages so far. The plot is that we're attacked by prospies, who want to know how to get to this mystical spirit world; later we fall into this supernatural chemical dimension, where Dr. J (in a tutu) is our spirit guide, and there's an evil molecule running around who kidnaps Jack and throws problem set problems at us. So I showed him it, and he was quite thrilled -- "Wow! Hey, there I am!" he said when I showed him the page with the tutu'd and tiara'd Dr. J. ROFL. So I'ma gonna finish that over the summer, ink it and maybe color it, and then give him a copy. Good times.
Beyond that, we also had some poem/top ten list reading, and Amanda from the other class came in and played on the piano they'd stolen from the music building. It was funny; she had to sit on a fan since the only chair in the room was too short, and Dr. J insisted on getting a picture. ("Lemme get a closeup of the fan there...") She played this really awesome, insane piece; it reminded me of that frenetic hour before the problem set was due, where we were all in the Hearth frantically writing out the new solution to problem eight. Ahhh... good times. We also had Dr. J try and make a target on the chalkboard that he could throw his little sticky soccer ball at, and then Jake sang us a lovely song about isoprene. w00t!
By then it was about time to leave... as people began shuffling out, I hurriedly grabbed up the yearbook from one of the students, then went down to the front of the room to give it to Dr. J. I announced what it was, and said that I'd leave it there for people to write in it if they hadn't had the chance already, but I wanted to officially give it to him. So I flipped through the pages and showed him the softball pictures and all the entries in the book. He seemed quite tickled by the pictures and everything, and thanked me for it. Then I gave him a big hug, and said, "Dr. J, I'm really gonna miss this class."
"Hey, I'm gonna miss this class too," he said, smiling.
"Yeah...." I sighed. "It's just been a really great year. Thanks, Dr. J." I was fumbling for words, not sure what I wanted to say, or how I could convey the weight of my jumbled emotions. I settled for just a big smile, and another thank you.
Then I realized I had to collect some money for the Krispy Kremes, and I did that, and then just about everyone had left except for a few people, and Dr. J cleaning up food. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay forever; wanted to sit and learn organic chemistry from Dr. J for years to come. But I knew I couldn't; everything is transient in the end, and you just have to learn to move on and put things away when they're finished... or at least that's what I thought I should be thinking. Instead, like I said, I could only think, I don't want to go. Dr. J came over to the doorway where I was hesitating, and Sara said, "She doesn't want to leave."
I turned back to look at him. "I really don't... this year has just been so awesome. I love this class...."
"Well, you've still got the final to look forward to," he laughed. "Not exactly the best consolation prize, though...."
"No, it's really not," I said, laughing... but I could feel that I was close to tears. I wasn't actually teary, but I seemed to be in a peculiar place where one thing could push me over the edge. I fumbled for more words. "Well... I hope you enjoy the yearbook thingy," I said.
He smiled; it didn't seem his usual lighthearted grin, but something more. "I definitely will. Thank you, for putting that all together."
"You're welcome." I smiled. "Bye, Dr. J." With that I walked out into the hall with Sara, staring down at the floor, moving my feet in the usual pattern.
"Sara, I don't want to go," I said, half-joking, half-serious, still in that uneasy near-tears state. We walked down to Goudy and then I went to the UC, where I mailed Chelsea's package, and then I went back to my room, wondering what I was going to do, and why I felt I had to do something.
It probably seems like I have some kind of unhealthy obsession with this man. The fact is, I love him like a father, even though because it's a class with thirty or forty people in it, he probably sees me as just another student. And that's fine. But to me, like I said in an entry several months ago, he's won enough of my respect and my admiration that he means a lot more to me than most teachers. It's always hard for me to leave behind teachers I love -- Mr. Bigelow, Mr. Tucker, Mr. Sherden, Mr. Dyer (and yes, I have noticed they are all men; I admit I have hangups in the father arena) -- but this time it's harder. Dr. J is my favorite; not only is he just a spectacular teacher, but I saw a more human side to him than I see from most teachers. His father's death hurt because it hurt him, and I cared about him. Is that creepy? Is it unhealthy? I don't know. I don't even particularly care. I'm going to hold onto this as long as I can, because Dr. J makes me love freaking organic chemistry, and he makes us laugh, and when he says I've done well I feel pride, and that's a feeling I like. It's 2 AM (sorry Chelsea! But I don't have to get up quite so early tomorrow...) and I'm rambling and feeling strange, but dammit, I care about Dr. J, and I don't want to let that go, because it's important to me.
Well... I'm not quite sure how to end this entry, so I guess I'll just let it stand as is. Night, folks.
(I love this song I'm listening to. It's from the scene in 28 Days Later when the main character is running through the house at the end; it conveys such rage and desperation and despair that it makes me cry. If I could only write emotion like this, I'd be set.)