missed the target
It seems that I don't find the right people. I was in the shower last night evaluating the people of my past. Most seem to lack integrity or courage or loyalty. The choices in women also show that same lack.
I diminish myself just to be in their presence. Restricting and editing my actions to conform with their smaller world. This might sound arrogant, but it is far from the case. I am actually underplaying it. I have pretended to lack the talent to sing, to program, to understand. It is grotesque to see self deprecation I wear.
I have perfected th skill of playing dumb. I got so good at it. I convinced myself I really was as dumb as I acted. so many signs I missed. now years have passed and i see the wreakage of my time spent on lesser beings. I need to remember that I am the one who gets me out of anything. relying on others has nevr been an option. I have catered to others selfishness and egos for far too long.
Life is a game and I have been sitting it out.
I woke up, saw my shadow and felt real again. no more hiding or waiting or placating.
It is not arrogance. It's the truth. I really am better.
I diminish myself just to be in their presence. Restricting and editing my actions to conform with their smaller world. This might sound arrogant, but it is far from the case. I am actually underplaying it. I have pretended to lack the talent to sing, to program, to understand. It is grotesque to see self deprecation I wear.
I have perfected th skill of playing dumb. I got so good at it. I convinced myself I really was as dumb as I acted. so many signs I missed. now years have passed and i see the wreakage of my time spent on lesser beings. I need to remember that I am the one who gets me out of anything. relying on others has nevr been an option. I have catered to others selfishness and egos for far too long.
Life is a game and I have been sitting it out.
I woke up, saw my shadow and felt real again. no more hiding or waiting or placating.
It is not arrogance. It's the truth. I really am better.