Delusive Reality
title : Delusive Reality
pairing : kyuhyun/sungmin, kyuhyun-focused
rating : PG
genre : angst
warning : english is not my mother tongue, so bare with the grammar.
note : words in italic, all refer to Sungmin.
A warm and bright sunray wakes Kyuhyun up from his deep slumber. There he is, squinting his eyes hard, trying to block the brightness from setting his eyes to blind, stretching his body to ease the tiredness tagging upon his body, roaming his hands over the bed to feel the warmth he usually had. He finds nothing.
"Good morning, Min" he offers a wide and warm smile to the empty space beside him. Kyuhyun sits up on his bed, scans the room, as if waiting for someone to answer him, but all he gets is….silence. He gets up, finds his way to the bathroom, once he gets inside, he sees his own reflection in the mirror. Eye-bags why are you so obvious? He turns the shower on and lets his body be drawn in the heat that the water offers him.
He faces the closet in front of him, "what should i wear today?" He takes out a blue-stripped white t-shirt and blue jeans that fits his legs perfectly. "Min, what do you think?" and again, silence. He puts his jacket on and heads out to his kitchen. "Sorry min, i don't have any other choice" he says while pouring cereals down to a blue bowl. "You know I can't cook by myself hahaha" then milk follows suit. "Min, Donghae and Eunhyuk said that they missed you, well who doesn't, rite?" he chuckles bitterly while eating his cereals. "Okay I'm going to brush my teeth now min, I don't want you to get angry on me, I can't stand to see you mad at me though" there, placed on a mug, are two toothbrushes with two different colors. One is blue and the other is pink. His favorite color.
"Hey Kyuhyun!" a guy with petite form greets him. "Oh hey Wook." Kyuhyun, trying to be polite send the petite guy a smile. "Kyuhyun, your eyes, have you gotten enough sleep?" the petite guy named Ryeowook asks Kyuhyun in concern. "Nah its okay Wook, I sleep well." again Kyuhyun offer him a wide smile. "Oh c'mon Kyuhyunnie, we've been friends since god-knows-when, you can't lie to me." he sighs. "Don't worry about me Wook, all iz well." this time he puts on a light laughter. Knowing Kyuhyun, Ryeowook doesn't pull the matter further. It must be him again, Ryeowook thinks.
The clock is showing 12.15 pm, Kyuhyun is still focusing on his laptop screen, trying to edit the picture he had taken before. Being a photographer for teens magazine is sure not as easy as people think. "Kyu…why don't you go to have some lunch? It’s twelve already" Kyuhyun's head snaps up as the voice telling him to have his lunch. He looks up to his watch "damn, its lunch time already" as if on cue, he immediately turns his laptop off and goes out to grab something to eat. He gets into a japanese restaurant, thinks that he's gonna order sashimi and sushi, his favorite food. He calls for the waiter to come, as he opens his mouth to order "Kyu, since when do you love raw food?" "I want chicken curry udon, please" "anything else sir? sushi or sashimi maybe?" "umm, no thanks, he is not here to enjoy that food" he gives the waiter a slight smile.
It’s 05.00 pm now. All forms of stress, disappointment, dissatisfaction, tiredness, and monotonic feeling have overflowed from the cubicles placed inside skyscrapers to the web of direction we simply call road. It’s the time kyuhyun goes back to his nest where he and him would meet. Kyuhyun takes window seat available inside the bus that brings him back to his place. Window seat, place that he loved to take while riding bus to their house. He said that it was fascinating to watch people outside getting blurred as the bus moved fast. “isn’t it beautiful yet tragic Kyu? The people, their existence seems easily erased as the time flies, but see, they create new colors that others, like me, love to see” Now that he takes his usual spot, Kyuhyun thinks that he wants to become those people, those people who are getting blurred as the bus passes by.
This is the shelter where Kyuhyun needs to get off of the bus. Two blocks from the shelter, that is Kyuhyun’s place. He is watching the Red man showing off his authority over people, over him, saying that they are not allowed to cross the street unless his friend, Mr. Green man appears. Kyuhyun, he just doesn’t know what on his mind, confronts Mr. Red man, saying that he can not dictate him to do what he wants to do. Kyuhyun takes a step, two steps, three steps, fou… “CHO KYUHUN WHAT ARE YOU THINKING YOU ARE DOING? STEP BACK!” and snaps! He flinches, he hears cars honking madly at him, he hears him shouting over him, saying that he needs to step back. He is back to his sense now, mentally repeating sorry over and over again towards Mr. Red man, and as he is forgiven, Mr. Green man appears, telling him that it’s okay now to cross the street and not to repeat his previous action the other day. “I hear you min… I hear you..” there come Kyuhun’s reply with a slight grin coming from the said man.
He opens his apartment’s door, here he is, once again envelopes by the silence. He finds none to answer his simple “I’m home”. He makes his way to his room, puts all his things on his desk and heading to his bathroom afterwards. He seeks comfort from the water. He likes to be drained from all the tiredness, both physically and mentally.
He’s done showering, putting an old tees and a sweat pants on. Settling himself on the couch across the TV, he starts flicking from channel to channel. He stops on a drama where the lead actress died in a car accident and her boyfriend can do nothing but living a misery life. He chuckles, bitterly, suddenly it grows into laughter. “How cliché” he says, how similar, he thinks. His laughter changes dramatically into a messing sob. He curls himself on the couch, hoping the world just come to an end at that time, swallowing him into somewhere he doesn’t know, he doesn’t care. “Dear Bella Swan, I give you credit for saying death is easy, life is harder” his laughter back.
He is tired, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. He already tucks himself under the blanket, but no, not even a hint of sleepiness coming from him. Its 02.00 am already and he knows pretty well that this isn’t one particular night that he couldn’t set himself to sleep. He’s been undergoing this for seven months. Seven months without a single well-slept night. “Why haven’t you slept yet Kyu?” comes his voice. “You know why I can’t, stop pretending that you don’t know, Min” he spats out. He is not sure whether he is already sleeping and in the middle of his own dream or that this conversation is simply a real one or… another trick that his mind happily plays for him.
He starts crying. “I’m sorry Min, I…I…I didn’t mean to snap on you”. While tears keep rolling down from his eyes to his cheeks and hiccups starts coming, he waits for that particular voice to reply. Silence. He sits up, draws his feet to his chest, hugs it like it’s the only thing that keeps him alive and sane. His sob is audible, his hiccups still coming, and his mind… his mind still playing on him. “Min…min….” he keeps calling that name, hoping that somewhat he answers him back. “Min…min…min…minminminminminminminminSUNGMIIIIIN!” he screams his lungs out. His tears keeps coming, wetting his shirt. He tries to muffle his voice but he can’t. He just wants to shout it out. He wants him to know how he badly misses him.
He is tired, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. Not even after crying that hard. His eyes are red and swollen, his shirt wets, and his bed, his bed seems like a bed that never been made. He knows what he needs now. He opens the drawer placed right beside his bed, takes out a bottle of pills and takes a pill to his hand. He stares at the pill on his palm, his sleeping pill. He needs to make sure that he will immediately fall asleep after consuming the pill. Since this isn’t his usual sleepless nights, so he makes it two, no, three, four, five, and no he can’t take too long only for counting the pills he has on his palm. He drops half of the bottle’s on his palm, crams it all in one go.
He feels sleepy now, very sleepy. He feels so light and….calm? he doesn’t know either what he feels right now. “Min… where are you?” he asks, eyes half open. “Sungmin…..” his voice cracks. “Can we meet Min?” he pleads. “Min… I miss you, I miss you so bad” he starts to cry again. “I miss you too Kyu..” comes the reply. “Min! Min!” he forces his eyes to fully open. He sees his Sungmin lays beside him, wearing his best smile. “I’m here baby… I’m here….” Sungmin replies while bringing himself to Kyuhyun’s arm. Kyuhyun hugs Sungmin tight, notes himself to never let his lover go. His vision is getting blurred. He feels sleepiness coming back, enveloping his tired body. He yawns and tightens his hug over his lover. His smile never ceased while closing his eyes in peace for the very first time in seven months, and maybe… will never be opened for the other day. “Good night, Min.” he smiles, “Good night, Kyu, sleep tight.” he talks to himself.
my first attempt in writing fic n_n, comments are appreciated <3