Indeed, we're both wise old creatures
look too deep: i've been looking at ppl's past entries all day, they're funny
look too deep: i like the vulgar, emo rachael entires
now i rage: yeah, all my old entries are totally dumbass
now i rage: hahaha
now i rage: sometimes i feel like deleting them, but i keep em around to remind myself to be quiet and observe
look too deep: it's useful knowledge though, it shows you how much a human being changes in a short amount of time
now i rage: indeed!
look too deep: i think it links up with how our body's cells are completely different after 7 years, our social behaviors also change with this
look too deep: to were we're completely different people than we were 7 years ago
look too deep: what a delightful game life is
now i rage: i think the mushroom trip, and even just the psychedelic influence for quite a while before it, made me much more introverted. a reflection of that is in my livejournal....i stopped updating all the time because i began feeling that it was a waste to make random social commentary. the psychedelic influence just showed me how to be quieter and listen more i think
now i rage: yeah, for real. i tell cody all the time that i forget i'm just 17. i feel fucking ancient! and i guess i am ancient. i'm made out of the fucking earth
now i rage: but i havent even been on an "adult" wavelength for very long. i mean, 7 years ago, i was 10
look too deep: since i took mushrooms, my perception of time has slowed greatly
look too deep: it's as if i feel every passing moment
now i rage: yeah, and i appreciate stuff so much
now i rage: it's almost unbearable
now i rage: it's like there's always a trip going on in my head now, only really really toned down
look too deep: well it is a trip going on, you're in a constant experience
now i rage: yeah, and i feel it more than ever. i definitely feel like i'm more aware now than i have ever been...almost to the point where i feel like discounting all my old experiences because i wasn't really *aware* of them. but i was aware of them, just in a totally different way. i'm really feeling now how easy it is to create your own universe just by being aware of differnet things
look too deep: yeah, but you shouldn't push your old experiences to the side, they can be just as meaningful as these "aware" experiences
now i rage: i tend to put things in a category of childhood/now or before move/after move, things like that. it's hard to practice realizing the way i feel about time....if that makes any sense. i have a certain understanding about it, and about the past, but it's really easy to slip into an easier model. worrying about things that happened a long time ago, feeling attachment to things in the past and the future
look too deep: the only hard part about creating an independant universe is making one that fits in with your society and culture, because they tend not to enjoy having persons that contradict what they are
now i rage: yeah, i've been trying since The Trip to have a good mixture of ego and mindfulness
now i rage: my first reaction was ABOLISH THE EGO AHHH IT SUCKS, but the ego is awesome! it allows us to play with cool things like language, and refine our ideas and surroundings
now i rage: little bacteria refining and crystallizing the planet....matter and ideas
look too deep: yeah for real, ego's make our worlds go round
now i rage: i like cody's professor's idea about it..."the power of spelling". spelling as in, words, and spelling as in, casting spells. i think about it a LOT. casting "spells" on stuff with words and giving them meaning, the transfer of understanding and knowledge
look too deep: *hahaha* i'm wise as hell
now i rage: hahaha
look too deep: i have no idea what you're talking about
now i rage: hmm, how to put it. just language in general, and everything it makes possible. it's like if you have a foreign object that you don't recognize at all, and it doesn't look like anything you know about and there's nothing you can really infer about it....as soon as someone takes a word and a meaning and places it onto the object, then you can gain an understanding about it and it's no longer anything mysterious. and the whole of existence seems to be that way. it's stuff you have words for and stuff you don't....and the stuff you don't have words for doesn't exist in your mind until you have a word for it, then you notice it. like how you can go your whole life without ever "hearing" some certain phrase, but after you learn about it, you'll immediately hear it on tv a thousand times
now i rage: it's what the whole game seems to be based on. when you walk down the street and just focus on noticing people with red shirts, you'll see tons of them. it's almost frightening to think that every single person is creating an absolutely unique universe in that way
now i rage: makes it incredible that we can communicate at all
look too deep: ah, now i get it, yeah that happens all the time to me
look too deep: like suddenly i'll start noticing how many cyclists there are in crossville, or how many abandoned cars there are on the interstate
now i rage: i really appreciate the pun cody's professor puts on it...casting spells. the power of spelling. language is pretty crazy and magical
now i rage: yeah, it's like everything is going on all at once and all we can do is tune into as much as possible
now i rage: when i watch tv now, or read books or anything, instead of mainly focusing on the things that sound familiar to me and what i understand, i try to keep an eye out for stuff i've never heard of before and have no idea about. then i go learn about it
now i rage: so i can add it to my universe.
look too deep: makes you more aware of how little of reality we each percieve
look too deep: add this to your universal knowledge: www.crossvillenightlife.com