Nothing, NOthing, Nothing
I am so sick of having to "think" about my dreams, and the bullshit of future. I am eighteen and I don't know anything about anything...expecially the fucking future. I don't excel in anything, so I will become nothing.....so why not begin now? I have completely lost all ambition to do anything especially anything art related. It is sad to say that I am burnt out on art, and all the shit that has come with it these past years.....I have blown out my own wick, and I am ready to blow myself up. I don't even want to care anymore, it has nothing to do with not trying, because there is no trying here. I used to hate this feeling of not accomplishing anything, but it is normal to me now, I am immune...almost even sickeningly content with it. Do I even want to wake up in the morning? It would only be another day of no accomplishment, self resentment, and utter hate for every single ignorant person who walks past me in the hallways totally ignoring what is happening in the now. Chris told me that tonight I should find a "dream", why?....so I can not accomplish it and further my hate for the future that I don't have? I exist, big deal....I wake up in the morning, walk around school like a procrastinating zombie, come home, go to the gym and hate my disgusting body....I tightly close my eyes while running listening to Slipknot and almost cry with anger for things that I can not seem to push out of my head, I come home, see Chris (which is one of the only things that makes me happy and honestly smile.) Then I come home and sleep...and when I wake up, it all starts again. Soon the only things that will change will be the six hours that I am in school will be replaced with a job that I will hate. (SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)