life is so good ♥
So the Spring semester starts... Oral Communicatiions, Math 2... again..., Intro to Theatre, Psychology of Women and Ethics. I pulled it off so that I only have class on Mondays and Wednesdays and I get out before 3 =D sweeeeeeeeeet. So anyhow, *sigh* somebody please pinch me, this could only be a dream and it makes me nervous because it feels too good to be true. It's like, I'm happy, I'm always smiling, he's sweet and kind and funny and smart and handsome.. ok ok.. stop joking around, what now? what tragic thing to hurt this is gonna happen? And it's funny I start thinking that within the last couple days because he sort of captured the idea within a sentence, he said, "don't jinx it." I think we're both nervous about it ya know? i mean, who could blame us? every "girl" in his life has utterly fucked him over, (im with a very broken-hearted boy here) and then I was in a relationship with someone who lied to me constantly and the sad thing is, is that at least, he didnt know he was being lied to, i KNEW i was being lied to and because i didnt care i just let it go. pathetic. I mean, it was a nice relationship at times but the end was just traumatizing and whatever, its so weird that I can talk about it like it's nothing, because truthfully, it pretty much is nothing, it doesnt phase me anymore. it lasted 5 yrs but it only took 7 months and an INCREDIBLE man to move me from it. Anyhow, back to the point, we are both nervous because we've both been hurt and lied to. now, i know i would NEVER lie to him, and i know he wouldnt lie to me, like, without a doubt, like, if you knew him, you'd know that the LAST thing in the WORLD he would be is a liar, but i think that we worry because we were both so sure of things in the past with other people and somehow they too came crumbling down and I don't know... i truly don't know what i would do without him.. i know that i would die inside. there is a crazy bond with us, its like, theres 15 people around us and then.. theres just us. it's like, we have the answer to life hidden in our pockets and so we look at each other and smile because only we know it, its like a new mini-triumph everyday, like we get life and we're just observing everything else, taking it in, making observations, pondering, but it feels like we're on this seperate level, but the same seperate level. It's like we lived a few blocks away but never knew that.. well... (it would feel like) our soul mate is a few blocks away. now, i know that a lot of people would look at that as a strong word, but personally, i don't think you have to have only 1 soul mate, i think you can have many, i mean, different degrees of it but i think you can have multiple and it doesnt just have to be romantically. I feel a connection with certain people that i feel could be soul deep. for instance, brielle, now, we have our share of fights and we can get on each other's nerves but we love each other, we have a weird connection that is unique to any other pair of best friends, see what im saying? i feel like that with a bunch of my friends, however, i obviously don't look at him like a "buddy" but i do.. i really do see him as a soul mate. like, we really do mesh. because we have a lot of common interests yet not all the same, so it leaves room for exploration and learning from each other even, which i think is very healthy. and we both love opening our minds to other things and we soak things up like a sponge so when one of us is talking about something that we know, or did in our past the other one just like absorbs it and questions it and then accepts it into their brain and its incredible lol its like this amazing process and we're so warm to each other, so warm. Cushioned touch and speech. affectionate yet real. private(to the rest of the world, not each other) but not secretive. there's definately this surreal bond that just eminates between us and my friends say it and i can see it, that when theres a whole crowd around and then us, and we're just talking privately, that there's this aura surrounding us, its like we light each other up. i love the thought process we have, nothings ever been this intense for me. ♥ i used to say that he set my soul on fire in my away messages before he knew it was to him, and then one night he was like, you set me on fire and i always wondered if it was because of my away messages or what.. im gonna ask him when i wake him up in 5 minutes, (im at his house on his comp) lol last night i was kinda drunk lol and i was getting sorta emotional and i was saying that it was too good to be true and that i wouldnt be able to go on if something happened. and he told me, "rosie, i can't go a day with out seeing you.. i can't go a few hours with out you, i have to call you and i always ask when you're coming out...(pauses to wipe my tears away) i can't go a few hours with out you, i will never leave you." I know this is probably soon, but i can't see myself with anyone else.. ever, i don't know what the hell i would do with out him. I can't go a few hours with out him either. I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach and i miss him and i feel incomplete, i need to be by his side. oh god i don't know what we're gonna do if one of us goes on vacation this year and doesnt go with each other, godd. lol well, its time to go, i gotta go wake him up so we can go to brunch =] ... life is so good.... **KNOCK ON WOOD** ♥