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the day started at 6:30am. i cant sleep because i cant breath. so i picked myself up and out of bed and decided i need a job. PRONTO. randys dad is paying our rent this month and i feel like shit because of it. i dont do shit. actually i take that back. I do shit. randy doesnt. he has like 89 old movies he recorded and he takes them out stacks them up by the vcr and watches every sing one of them every day. it kind of eerrkkks me. and makes me want to kill him. hes lazy. he thinks he is on a break since he has been in jail for 6 months. hi my name is melissa and while you were sleeping all day in jail i was working my ass off to keep a place for us to live, now its your turn to help. im not to pleased with his attitude about finding a job. "they see felony and throw it away" he has no hope for himself. no confidence what so ever and i feel bad. when hes upset so am i.
what can a girl do?
i guess this is going to be a semi- long entry.
i do all that i can for him, i cook when he is hungry, if he was sick i would take care of him. i would drop everything for him and i basically already have. i love him so much but i honestly dont know how or why i love him. 2 years is a long time. the first year went by rocky, the second, blah, and now.....ummm were on a one way street named randy. he use to love me and call me all the time when i was gone and i love that shit. i love to feel loved. who doesnt?
im sick as a dog right now. i cant breath and everytime i attempt to eat i throw up. (and no im not pregnant)
i ate taco bell last night thinking it might help me a little bit and it did. then i came home walked in the bedroom stood by the dresser, and started to cough, that ended in me throwing up, i run to the bathroom expecting him to either follow me and ask if i was ok or grab a towel and clean it up or something. i wash off my face and come back out and he is in bed laying there looking at me like "clean the shit up" then he says "thats gross". and it was. but i feel like he doesnt care.
why do i stick around?
i dont have anywhere else to go. and i dont have the people to help me like everyone else does. everyones parents are more then willing to help their kids. but not mine. not at all. my dad says he will help me get a new car in march. very doubtful. so im here taking every step i can BY MYSELF, and i get critisized for it. i started school so i can get my diploma, so eventually i can get a rel job some day, and adams like umm melissa, i dont think school is good for youright now. THE only advice my mom gives me is "Take one step at a time and leave that loser your going to marry". ok mom well im in school, how about you let me come home. ill start working after i graduate in may. taht would be nice.
we go to oakland university and walk the stage in a cap and gown. i dont care if its late its better now then never.
i wish i had my real friends back..like dana, and amanda k, and brent, and rob,and kathy those are the ones i liked.
others act fake and piss me off.
last night when randy came to get me from school the first thing he says is "I thought i saw brent here and i thought he was coming to pick you up, i almost got out of the car and beat his fucking ass". that up-set me a little because no matter how much brent hates me or im mad at him i still wont let ANYONE say shit about him. he was my best friend after kathy, and he saved me from a lot of bad things. so anyone who has somehting to say about him SAVE IT. i dont want ot hear it.
anyway. we fought for a minute, then we fell asleep.
my lips are burninng. and i feel like im going to throw up so im going to go now. i have my u.s. government class tonight at 6 till 10 and im tired so im going to go home now. i have adams sundance! i hate this little peice.
if you read my journal i want you to comment say anything i dont care...just comment...anyone who reads this, im debating on wether or not to delete it.
thanks and bye
what can a girl do?
i guess this is going to be a semi- long entry.
i do all that i can for him, i cook when he is hungry, if he was sick i would take care of him. i would drop everything for him and i basically already have. i love him so much but i honestly dont know how or why i love him. 2 years is a long time. the first year went by rocky, the second, blah, and now.....ummm were on a one way street named randy. he use to love me and call me all the time when i was gone and i love that shit. i love to feel loved. who doesnt?
im sick as a dog right now. i cant breath and everytime i attempt to eat i throw up. (and no im not pregnant)
i ate taco bell last night thinking it might help me a little bit and it did. then i came home walked in the bedroom stood by the dresser, and started to cough, that ended in me throwing up, i run to the bathroom expecting him to either follow me and ask if i was ok or grab a towel and clean it up or something. i wash off my face and come back out and he is in bed laying there looking at me like "clean the shit up" then he says "thats gross". and it was. but i feel like he doesnt care.
why do i stick around?
i dont have anywhere else to go. and i dont have the people to help me like everyone else does. everyones parents are more then willing to help their kids. but not mine. not at all. my dad says he will help me get a new car in march. very doubtful. so im here taking every step i can BY MYSELF, and i get critisized for it. i started school so i can get my diploma, so eventually i can get a rel job some day, and adams like umm melissa, i dont think school is good for youright now. THE only advice my mom gives me is "Take one step at a time and leave that loser your going to marry". ok mom well im in school, how about you let me come home. ill start working after i graduate in may. taht would be nice.
we go to oakland university and walk the stage in a cap and gown. i dont care if its late its better now then never.
i wish i had my real friends back..like dana, and amanda k, and brent, and rob,and kathy those are the ones i liked.
others act fake and piss me off.
last night when randy came to get me from school the first thing he says is "I thought i saw brent here and i thought he was coming to pick you up, i almost got out of the car and beat his fucking ass". that up-set me a little because no matter how much brent hates me or im mad at him i still wont let ANYONE say shit about him. he was my best friend after kathy, and he saved me from a lot of bad things. so anyone who has somehting to say about him SAVE IT. i dont want ot hear it.
anyway. we fought for a minute, then we fell asleep.
my lips are burninng. and i feel like im going to throw up so im going to go now. i have my u.s. government class tonight at 6 till 10 and im tired so im going to go home now. i have adams sundance! i hate this little peice.
if you read my journal i want you to comment say anything i dont care...just comment...anyone who reads this, im debating on wether or not to delete it.
thanks and bye