Hey, Lazarus, this one's for you.
Who: The Anti!Luke
What: Out on a Friday night
When: Around midnight
Where: Downtown Los Angeles
Why: I think it's worth a giggle.
His nerves were shot. Just... Shot.
Luke couldn't remember the last time he'd wished his brother Bobby was around this badly. As degrading as it was, considering he was older, it was still true. Bobby knew how to handle people like this. He could talk Luke through it.
Instead of being the one to talk Luke into all this, like AJ, Diana, and Matteo had. Because Americans loved Italians. And it would be great to at least have one night on the town, maybe two or three, before the vacation was up, wasn't it?
And didn't Luke want to spend as much time with AJ as possible, since AJ was going to be living here now, and it'd probably be a while before they saw each other again after they all left?
Sure he did. Of course he did. Luke was a good cousin, loyal to his family.
Why shouldn't he be downtown, all alone, on a street corner and waiting like an idiot for them to show. He had a gun if he ran into a problem, didn't he? And what did it matter that he couldn't shoot it all that well? Waving it around ought to do the trick!
If not, and worse came to absolute worse, he'd help whoever came to kick the shit out of him out. He'd give it to them, and then they could just kill him. Everyone wins!
A small crash a few feet away jarred Luke from his thoughts, and his head snapped to the side to see what it was so quickly, it actually hurt. Cringing, he sighed to himself, fixed his glasses on his nose, and took a deep breath. And for the millionth time in the past ten minutes, he checked his cellphone.
Midnight. They were supposed to have come to get him at eleven thirty. Another ten minutes, and damn it, he was leaving.
... Sure he would.
Maybe he should just call them.
Sighing, Luke flipped open his cellphone, and hit AJ's number on the speed dial. And he waited.
And was greeted with an odd sort of static sound blasting in his ear, a few high pitched screeching noises, startling Luke so badly he dropped the phone. It smashed to pieces on the pavement.
Suddenly, he felt considerably more alone.
Had he been a lesser man, he would have even let out a small whine at his situation. But no, he held strong.
Luke glanced to either side of him, almost sure now that whatever bad thing had been biding its time before was now going to spring out and kill him. It wouldn't be shocking. In fact, it's something he'd come to expect growing up in his family.
You could be sitting around, quiet, peaceful... And then WHAM!
But nothing happened.
He shook his head, letting a small sigh escape him, and leaned on the almost cliche lamppost that he'd been standing next to for the last half an hour. A few seconds passed, and Luke smelled something minty. It took a few seconds more, but he figured out what it was.
He'd leaned right into gum.
It just kept getting better and better.
Pulling away, he grimaced at the green string that connected him to the lamppost, and did his best to disconnect himself. Little bits of gum were still left behind on his sleeve afterward.
That had to be it. He had to have limits. Another fifteen minutes, he was definitely going to leave. Forget AJ and Diana and Matteo. They'd survive the night without him.
... Right.
It was around fifteen minutes later when Luke noticed someone walking down the other side of the street, coming towards him. And, to say the very least, this wasn't just anyone.
It was the most gorgeous blonde he'd ever laid eyes on.
So much so that he couldn't stop himself from his jaw dropping, and staring at her openly, even as she passed him and rounded the corner. He'd seen some incredible women since he'd gotten here, but... Wow.
He had to talk to her. No, wait, he didn't. That couldn't go well. Couldn't possibly. Recipe for disaster, was it not? It had to be. He would embarrass himself. She was stunning, and her designer clothes, flawless make up, and flowing golden hair only made her that much better.
Luke was convinced he was no match for that.
But now, he did remember that a significant amount of time had to have passed. And with his cellphone gone and his watch still back at the hotel -- how stupid was it to forget a watch? -- he had no real means of finding out what time it was.
Maybe... Maybe he could ask her.
Carefully. Very carefully. Proceed with the utmost caution.
... Before she got too far away, as she was so quickly doing, and before he could freak himself out enough to not go near her at all.
Yes. Great idea.
Pulling out of his slack jawed stare, Luke took off down the street to catch up with the girl. He came to a stop a few feet away so she hopefully wouldn't hear him running to catch up. And followed behind her.
All he did after that was open his mouth and close it numerous times. He felt like an idiot. A completely inept idiot. But she was going to laugh at him anyway, so what was the point? ... No, he had to say something now, because if she turned around, he'd look like a stalker. This had to be casual.
And what did he know about being casual? Nothing.
Perfect.
"E-Excuse me."
She didn't hear him.
Luke moved faster, still nervous, sliding his hands into his pockets just in case they were shaking. He was pretty sure they were. Not entirely, but pretty sure. "E-Excuse me?"
She still didn't hear him.
And as he sped up a bit more so he could go up and tap her on the shoulder, Luke didn't see the man walking out of the apartment building he passed carrying two exceptionally large bags of garbage. He didn't see him until they collided with each other.
Or, more to the point, he collided, and then bounced off, the disturbingly huge man. And broke open one of the bags. And wound up with trash dumped all over him.
"What the fuck, buddy?!" The outraged man glared down at him, eyes blazing, and whoever the hell he was Luke now realized he smelled distinctly of cat food.
Or maybe it was him that smelled like cat food now.
As he started to answer, and try to apologize, his eyes now registered the amused and smirking face of the blonde looking down at him all of the sudden. Apparently she'd heard him after all. "Ouch. Did you want something?"
And when he went to answer for a third time...
The sound of a car pulling up. "Hey Luke, when we said you needed to try something new, this wasn't it."
His family always had such great timing.
"Yes, thanks Matteo."
What a perfect night.
What: Out on a Friday night
When: Around midnight
Where: Downtown Los Angeles
Why: I think it's worth a giggle.
His nerves were shot. Just... Shot.
Luke couldn't remember the last time he'd wished his brother Bobby was around this badly. As degrading as it was, considering he was older, it was still true. Bobby knew how to handle people like this. He could talk Luke through it.
Instead of being the one to talk Luke into all this, like AJ, Diana, and Matteo had. Because Americans loved Italians. And it would be great to at least have one night on the town, maybe two or three, before the vacation was up, wasn't it?
And didn't Luke want to spend as much time with AJ as possible, since AJ was going to be living here now, and it'd probably be a while before they saw each other again after they all left?
Sure he did. Of course he did. Luke was a good cousin, loyal to his family.
Why shouldn't he be downtown, all alone, on a street corner and waiting like an idiot for them to show. He had a gun if he ran into a problem, didn't he? And what did it matter that he couldn't shoot it all that well? Waving it around ought to do the trick!
If not, and worse came to absolute worse, he'd help whoever came to kick the shit out of him out. He'd give it to them, and then they could just kill him. Everyone wins!
A small crash a few feet away jarred Luke from his thoughts, and his head snapped to the side to see what it was so quickly, it actually hurt. Cringing, he sighed to himself, fixed his glasses on his nose, and took a deep breath. And for the millionth time in the past ten minutes, he checked his cellphone.
Midnight. They were supposed to have come to get him at eleven thirty. Another ten minutes, and damn it, he was leaving.
... Sure he would.
Maybe he should just call them.
Sighing, Luke flipped open his cellphone, and hit AJ's number on the speed dial. And he waited.
And was greeted with an odd sort of static sound blasting in his ear, a few high pitched screeching noises, startling Luke so badly he dropped the phone. It smashed to pieces on the pavement.
Suddenly, he felt considerably more alone.
Had he been a lesser man, he would have even let out a small whine at his situation. But no, he held strong.
Luke glanced to either side of him, almost sure now that whatever bad thing had been biding its time before was now going to spring out and kill him. It wouldn't be shocking. In fact, it's something he'd come to expect growing up in his family.
You could be sitting around, quiet, peaceful... And then WHAM!
But nothing happened.
He shook his head, letting a small sigh escape him, and leaned on the almost cliche lamppost that he'd been standing next to for the last half an hour. A few seconds passed, and Luke smelled something minty. It took a few seconds more, but he figured out what it was.
He'd leaned right into gum.
It just kept getting better and better.
Pulling away, he grimaced at the green string that connected him to the lamppost, and did his best to disconnect himself. Little bits of gum were still left behind on his sleeve afterward.
That had to be it. He had to have limits. Another fifteen minutes, he was definitely going to leave. Forget AJ and Diana and Matteo. They'd survive the night without him.
... Right.
It was around fifteen minutes later when Luke noticed someone walking down the other side of the street, coming towards him. And, to say the very least, this wasn't just anyone.
It was the most gorgeous blonde he'd ever laid eyes on.
So much so that he couldn't stop himself from his jaw dropping, and staring at her openly, even as she passed him and rounded the corner. He'd seen some incredible women since he'd gotten here, but... Wow.
He had to talk to her. No, wait, he didn't. That couldn't go well. Couldn't possibly. Recipe for disaster, was it not? It had to be. He would embarrass himself. She was stunning, and her designer clothes, flawless make up, and flowing golden hair only made her that much better.
Luke was convinced he was no match for that.
But now, he did remember that a significant amount of time had to have passed. And with his cellphone gone and his watch still back at the hotel -- how stupid was it to forget a watch? -- he had no real means of finding out what time it was.
Maybe... Maybe he could ask her.
Carefully. Very carefully. Proceed with the utmost caution.
... Before she got too far away, as she was so quickly doing, and before he could freak himself out enough to not go near her at all.
Yes. Great idea.
Pulling out of his slack jawed stare, Luke took off down the street to catch up with the girl. He came to a stop a few feet away so she hopefully wouldn't hear him running to catch up. And followed behind her.
All he did after that was open his mouth and close it numerous times. He felt like an idiot. A completely inept idiot. But she was going to laugh at him anyway, so what was the point? ... No, he had to say something now, because if she turned around, he'd look like a stalker. This had to be casual.
And what did he know about being casual? Nothing.
Perfect.
"E-Excuse me."
She didn't hear him.
Luke moved faster, still nervous, sliding his hands into his pockets just in case they were shaking. He was pretty sure they were. Not entirely, but pretty sure. "E-Excuse me?"
She still didn't hear him.
And as he sped up a bit more so he could go up and tap her on the shoulder, Luke didn't see the man walking out of the apartment building he passed carrying two exceptionally large bags of garbage. He didn't see him until they collided with each other.
Or, more to the point, he collided, and then bounced off, the disturbingly huge man. And broke open one of the bags. And wound up with trash dumped all over him.
"What the fuck, buddy?!" The outraged man glared down at him, eyes blazing, and whoever the hell he was Luke now realized he smelled distinctly of cat food.
Or maybe it was him that smelled like cat food now.
As he started to answer, and try to apologize, his eyes now registered the amused and smirking face of the blonde looking down at him all of the sudden. Apparently she'd heard him after all. "Ouch. Did you want something?"
And when he went to answer for a third time...
The sound of a car pulling up. "Hey Luke, when we said you needed to try something new, this wasn't it."
His family always had such great timing.
"Yes, thanks Matteo."
What a perfect night.