Because You Left, Part Two, Chapter Fourteen: In Portland
Title: Because You Left, Part Two, Chapter Fourteen: In Portland
Pairing/Character(s): Juliet Burke, Ethan Rom, Ben Linus Anderson, Will Schuester, Emma Pillsbury, Holly Holliday, Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Brittany S. Pierce. Rachel, Jesse, Hurley, and Jill (the Other) appear briefly. Sun mentioned.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: If you haven't noticed, the story went kind of non-linear a while ago. The show is, officially, all over the place.
Spoilers: Potential spoilers (kind of) for all six seasons of LOST. I feel like at this point I've warped Glee canon so much it's physically impossible for me to spoil anything from that show. Bat country. We are in it.
Standard-Issue Short-Form Disclaimer: I do not hold copyright to Glee or LOST, I make no claims to such, and I am not profiting from this.
Summary: All Juliet ever really wanted to do was to go back home again. She should have known he would findher.
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Author's Notes: This is a Glee/LOST AU crossover. This story is a work in progress, although Chapter Nineteen is starting to feel less like progress and more like beating my head against a brick wall. Chapters are posted once every two weeks, always on a Tuesday. I may up that to once a week when I get to Part Three, depending on how things go. Previous chapters and supplemental materials can be found on the masterpost, which is up to date through Chapter Thirteen! As always, if I haven't adequately explained any of the LOST stuff, please feel free to leave a comment here and/or pm me. I will answer. Unless it's a spoiler; then I might hedge my bets a little.
seldnei and the-rainbow-jen have been very patiently beta-ing chapters as they are written and then rewritten and then rewritten some more, and helping me through when I stop writing entirely, and I am enormously grateful to them.
December 29th, 2010
He finds her in Portland.
Of course he does.
September 2010
"Excuse me." The voice is soft, a little hoarse. Authoritative. A woman's voice, not a teenager's.
Ben had thought he'd met most of the faculty by now, but he'd never heard this voice before.
He hesitates with one foot on the stairs, wondering -- but it's been calm, now, for years. Either Charles has given up, or someone else has finally taken over, someone who doesn't care about Ben and his son. And this is a school with a high faculty turnover rate; people come and go all the time. There's no reason for him to --
He turns, and there on the steps below him is a woman; blonde, stunning, and no, Ben has never met her before. A woman like that, he would remember.
If Charles really did send her, he's certainly upped his standards.
She smiles at him. "Can I ask you a question? I'm new here."
"Well, you can certainly ask," he says, smiling back at him, "but I can't promise you an answer. I've only been here a few months myself. But I'll try my best, anyway." He holds his hand out and she takes it -- dry rough fingers, strong grip. "Benjamin Anderson," he says. "Math department."
Her smile widens. "Juliet Burke," she says. "I'm the school nurse."
January 3rd, 2011
"So how's Carl?" he asks, leaning against the door of Emma's office.
He asks this because he is moving on. He is moving on because it's a new year and it seems right to do this, to make this kind of a resolution. Emma has Carl and Will is going to learn to be single (possibly with some help from Holly, although she seems pretty taken with Ben Anderson lately, which maybe seems a bit of an odd match but love has its own ways of doing things and Will is not going to question that, not anymore). But Emma is still his friend, and he cares for her, and so he will ask questions about her love life from time to time, because he cares.
Not because he's jealous. Because he cares.
Emma just shrugs and goes back to scrubbing the dust off her desk. "Fine, I guess," she says. "I mean, not that we've -- He was with his family, of course, for most of the holiday, and I was here with mine, and... And that's it, really. And it's fine. It's okay, and it's fine."
"Oh... Kay," he says, after a moment. He's never quite known what to say when Emma gets like this, when she gets all twitchy and her sentences get short, clipped. Carl almost seemed to enjoy it, or at least he did the few times Will saw them together. Will always thought that was weird. "Look, I know it's none of my business, but if you two are having problems, you can always talk to --"
"Oh no," Emma says, straightening up and almost... glaring, really, the scrub in her blue-gloved hands like a weapon. "Oh no no no, we are not having problems. We are not having problems at all. Carl is having problems, problems with me doing my job to the best of my ability, and even if that means sometimes I have to take my work home with me, even if that means sometimes I can't be at his beck and call, or can't go out of state on a moment's notice, or visit his parents, or --"
It clicks, then. "Is that why you couldn't come to help decorate Mr. Anderson's room with us?" Will asks, and the hand holding the scrub falls to her side, defeated. "I was wondering -- I mean, usually you like the hospital. Everything's nice and sterile."
"Actually, hospitals are a hotbed of MRSA and Hepatitis," Emma says, sinking into her chair. "Although I do like the easy access to hand sanitizer." She drops the scrub on her desk, peels off her gloves with a defeated sigh. "I should've been there, Will, really -- I wanted to be there, but then Carl pulls out these plane tickets two days before Christmas and when I told him maybe a little warning would be nice he started in about how he was trying to help me, so I could live spontaneously and spontaneity is one thing but with Ben in the hospital and poor Blaine and you know how sad Finn's been lately and even Santana's acting a bit off... And Brittany... And Artie, definitely Artie --"
Will realizes, belatedly, that he has no idea what she's talking about. God, has his personal life got him so distracted that he's missing everything that goes on with his kids these days? But it's probably not the right time to ask Emma for help about that (definitely not), so he nods and says, "It's been a rough year." Then he thinks about it, and adds, "Well, it was a rough year. But it's a new year now, and a fresh start for all of us, and --"
Emma's face breaks into a small smile, and Will is already congratulating himself when he realizes that she's not looking at him at all. "She's back," she says, softly.
"She -- Who?" he asks, even as he's turning. But then he sees someone making their way towards the nurse's office, a blonde woman, really attractive. It takes a moment more for him to recognize her. "Is that -- That's the nurse, isn't it? Not the part-timer... the old one. Juliet."
"She's back," Emma says again, her smile widening. "Oh good. Ben is going to be so relieved."
Did Juliet and Ben have a thing? Will can't remember. He really needs to pay better attention to these things. "I bet he will," he murmurs.
Holly might not be relieved, of course. Holly might not be relieved at all.
Not that it's any of Will's business, of course, not that he cares -- well, especially not now that Emma and Carl are having problems, because if they are, then obviously --
But he is not thinking like this anymore -- he's not like one of the kids; they can spend all their time thinking about who they're dating and who they want to be dating and who they should be dating or who should be dating them -- he is an adult, and he has more important things to think about.
Like figuring out whether or not Ben and Juliet actually had a thing.
"Well," he says, and smiles back at Emma. "We should go say hello, don't you think?"
December 2009
"You're sure," Ethan says; it's not really a question, but Juliet answers as though it is anyway.
"Positive," she tells him, and Ethan turns away, arms folded, and stares at the wall. It's blank -- no knick-knacks, no pictures. No shelves. Empty. Just like him. "The only reason Claire survived is because she conceived long before she ever arrived on the Island. Sun got pregnant here. On the Island. And that means she's gonna die. Just like every other pregnant woman on this Island."
Just like Carolyn. But Juliet doesn't say it. She doesn't have to.
Ethan just stares at his blank wall.
"There nothing I can do to save her, Ethan." Juliet keeps pushing, testing. "If you want her to survive -- if Jacob wants her to survive --"
"I'm thinking," Ethan snaps. He breathes in -- breathes out in a harsh sigh, uncrosses his arms and steeples his hands in front of his face.
"She didn't know the risks," Juliet reminds him. He's close now, close. She only has to push a little harder. "Everyone else --" And again, she's careful not to mention Carolyn"-- at least they knew what could happen. But Sun had no idea. She could never have --"
"I know that." Ethan's voice is flat. Hard. "I know that. You don't need to remind me."
He's furious; Juliet can tell. Which means she's winning.
Finally, Ethan sighs again. "All right," he says, turning around. "All right. I'll have Richard contact Mr. Paik. We'll make arrangements to take her off-Island. Temporarily. Once the baby's born, she comes back." He watches her for a moment, then adds, pointedly, "And you, Juliet, are going to make sure she does."
Juliet smiles. "Of course," she says, soft and agreeable, and if Ethan isn't fooled, it doesn't matter. "Of course. I just want to make sure the baby's okay."
And it's the truth, really. Her priority is saving Sun and the baby. Anything else is on the back burner.
For now.
September 2010
"Where are you from?" she asks, sitting across from him at one of the tables in the faculty lounge. "I mean, before Indiana. Originally. Where are you from?"
"Portland," he says, and a flicker of wry amusement passes across her face. There and gone in a matter of moments, but not too fast for him to see. "Sorry, is that funny?"
Juliet just shakes her head. "Sorry," she says. "It's nothing, really. I... I had a job offer, before this. Really good one, exactly what I wanted to be doing. And they told me that it was in Portland."
She says it like it's meant to be significant; probably it is, except Ben doesn't know enough about her to know why. "Oh?" he says, prompting.
"It was..." Another shake of the head. "The first thing I found out was that it wasn't in Portland. The second thing I found out was that everything else they'd told me was a lie, too. Needless to say, that job didn't work out. So now I'm here."
"Now you're here," Ben echoes.
"Anyway." Juliet picks at her salad with her fork. "I was just... thinking, I guess. If the job had been as advertised, in Portland. We could've met under different circumstances."
It's an odd thing to say; Ben files it away for later. "Probably not," he says, a little too abrupt, and Juliet blinks at him. "Blaine and I left Portland almost as soon as I had my degree, which was some time ago. We've been wandering ever since. But that's life without tenure, I guess."
"Hmm," Juliet says, and smiles at him. "Well. And now you're here."
Ben returns her smile; she seems to have that effect on him, really. "And now I'm here."
The obvious thing to say, of course, would be that she, too, is here. Ben doesn't say obvious things very often. For whatever reason, he doesn't feel this is the best time to start.
"So," he says, instead. "Are you planning on attending the pep rally this afternoon? Because you might want to pack a poncho if you do -- I've heard the glee club is performing, and that never ends well."
And she laughs, and the moment moves on, and if Ben regrets not saying the obvious thing... Well.
He doesn't linger on regret much, either. There's too much else to do.
January 3rd, 2011
She doesn't grab the handlebars of Ben's wheelchair.
She wants to, for reasons she probably shouldn't think about too hard, but she's started to realize how much it chafes for him to be pushed around, to not be in control, so she doesn't grab the handlebars of Ben's wheelchair. She follows a few steps behind him and keeps her eyes on Juliet the entire time.
Juliet, who obviously has some kind of shame after all, just stares at the floor and doesn't acknowledge either of them. As they approach her, as they pass, she keeps her eyes on the floor and doesn't look up once.
"Breathe, Holly," Ben murmurs, when Juliet is finally out of earshot. Unless, of course, she's not, and Holly almost turns to check, but Ben says, "No, keep walking." And then he says, "Breathe," again.
It's probably supposed to be reassuring that he's so calm. Mostly it just makes Holly want to scream.
"This isn't about the jealousy thing," Ben adds after a moment, and he's joking. He's actually joking, and Holly almost wants to grab his wheelchair just for spite, but she doesn't. "Is it?"
"No," Holly says, more tersely than she means to. "No, of course -- I mean, maybe. A little. Slightly."
Ben chuckles at that, actually laughs out loud and why does she like this guy again? She's having a hard time remembering. "Have a little faith, Holly."
"In you? Or in the plan?"
Another laugh and God, he is so frustrating sometimes Holly can hardly stand it. "Both, of course," Ben says.
Holly thinks about replying, doesn't. Which, apparently, is the most conspicuous thing she could have done, because the quiet has barely had a chance to stretch out before Ben is sighing, stopping his chair, and turning rather clumsily to face her.
"Holly," he says, soft and very serious, and Holly has a brief moment of panic where she doesn't know what to do with her hands. At first she wants them on her hips, because she's pissed, but then she sort of wants to fold them over her chest, because she's pissed but she's also kind of... maybe, a little bit, scared. And then she has to drop them to her sides because Ben just keeps looking at her with those eyes of his and she's mad and she's scared and she doesn't know what to do and she knows he knows that but she also knows that he still trusts her and -- "Do you trust me?"
"Of course I do," she says, without hesitation.
"Then trust me. This is good. This is... This is exactly what we wanted. All right?"
This is not what Holly wanted. What Holly wanted was for Ethan Goodspeed and Charles Widmore and the Island and everything on it to turn into smoke and waft away so she could just sort of... figure her life out with this job she's sort of been stuck in and this guy she didn't expect to like and this town she never thought she'd stay in for more than a month. Except she kind of always knew that was never really going to happen.
"All right," Holly says. "If you say so."
Ben rewards her with a quick smile before he turns his chair around again (Holly wants to help him; doesn't), and starts wheeling his way towards the calculus classroom. "Of course," he says, his voice trailing back to her, "if she is here, that means someone's going to have to keep an eye on her."
Holly takes a deep breath and tries to keep her voice steady -- if it comes out less steady and more grim, then... Well, she has her reasons. "I thought you'd never ask."
April 2010
What bothers her, more than anything, is what this says about how thorough the surveillance is. She'd thought -- hoped -- that maybe, after Sun's baby was born, after her work was done, there might be a moment or two, the smallest of small windows where she could slip out from underneath Ethan's control. Just a few minutes that she could use to escape, and be gone.
She couldn't go back to her sister -- obviously, that'd be the first place they would look. But she could go somewhere else. Portland, maybe. She could start over.
She hadn't realized just how hard it would be to find that single second she could break away in.
But then, she hadn't realized that there was someone standing outside Sun's house, taking pictures every time someone entered or exited.
She wonders who's been standing outside her apartment, taking pictures of her.
"So tell me," she says, trying to keep all of that out of her voice; Ethan doesn't need to know that she ever thought of getting away. Doesn't need to know that she's still considering it. "What is it, exactly, that makes Benjamin Linus so important?"
October 2010
Burt Hummel has a heart attack, and Ben doesn't get a wink of sleep that night. He doesn't sleep that night, he barely eats breakfast in the morning, and at lunchtime, he finds himself in the break room staring at a tray of grocery store sushi that no longer looks the slightest bit palatable.
He isn't sure why it bothers him so much. Kurt Hummel isn't his student; it wasn't his class that got interrupted; he wasn't the one teaching when Emma had to come in, had to pull Kurt out into the hallway, to tell him --
As a teacher, this doesn't affect him.
But he isn't just a teacher; he's a father. And that is why this is getting to him so much. Because he knows a little about Kurt Hummel; not much, but enough, and he knows that Kurt only has his father. He has no one else.
In that, at least, he's not so different from Blaine.
And that's what's bothering him. It's the idea of someone walking into his son's classroom at Dalton, looking at him, not knowing what to say. It's the idea of his son sitting by his bedside in tears. It's knowing that after ten long years trying to find some place to rest their heads, it could all be torn away by some mishap, some misfiring of the beats of his heart, and he could be... gone. He's been so careful with every other aspect of his life -- it seems ridiculous that he somehow could have been so careless with this. And yet.
"Penny for 'em," Juliet says, sliding into the seat across from him, and Ben shakes his head, comes back to himself.
"Just thinking," he says, and Juliet raises an eyebrow at him. "About how long it's been since I went to have a checkup."
"Hmm." Juliet nods, apparently unsurprised, and pops open the lid of her salad. "Probably about time you had one, then."
She's not looking at him; it's impossible for him to read her face. For some reason, he's always enjoyed that about her. "I suppose so," he says.
Juliet tears open her packet of dressing. "Oh, and while you're at it, you should have them look at your back," she says, and Ben can do nothing but blink at her. She glances up at him, smiles. "Did you really think I hadn't noticed? It's probably just from standing so much, and God knows these chairs aren't great, but. As long as you're ruling out any unforeseen heart conditions, you might as well make sure you don't have a ruptured disk or anything."
"Well." It shouldn't please him so much, to know that she's noticed. But it does. "I'll set up an appointment first thing, then."
Juliet finally looks at him, smiles. "Good," she says. "That's good."
January 3rd, 2011
Blaine doesn't want to eat lunch in the cafeteria, and Kurt can't really find it in himself to blame him. It's been a long day. It's been a long year, and they're only three days in. But that awkward New Year's Eve party (Santana sitting, eating crudites with one hand and holding tight to Wes -- of all people, Warbler Wes -- with the other), and all the talking, and all of the planning, and now Nurse Juliet (who is not a nurse) is back at the school, and...
He supposes that means it'll all be over soon, at least.
It should be a comforting thought. It sort of is, because he does trust Blaine's father and he trusts his own father, and he believes if anyone can stop anything bad from happening, it's them.
If anyone can stop it.
He is working very, very hard to not think about what happens if it just can't be stopped.
So, under the circumstances, he maybe would sort of rather be sitting in the cafeteria watching Puck throw grapes into Sam's mouth while Quinn raises her eyebrows and Mercedes shakes her head and Tina makes quiet comments in Mike's ear that make him snicker.
But then again, it's just as likely that he'd just be sitting there, watching them, hating the fact that they can be so careless when his carefully-ordered world has just about shaken itself apart. And Blaine's been worked up ever since he heard about Juliet coming back, and he needs a break from having to act normal around complete strangers, so. Kurt takes him to the choir room instead, so they can talk it over.
"It's funny," Blaine says, limping along at his side. He's walking better, lately, leaning on his cane but not as heavily. Kurt doesn't want to think about how that could be useful, doesn't want to think about what would happen if Blaine had to run, if he had to fight --
It occurs to him, probably far too late, that this is exactly what Blaine's life has been for at least a decade, if not more. All these things he's had to push aside, just so he can go through his day, just so he can keep moving forward. And, yeah, if Blaine wants to hide for a while, Kurt's going to let him.
"I remember when I saw Juliet and my dad together -- it was just the one time, after Karofsky --" Blaine glances sidelong at Kurt, bites his lip. His cane thumps softly on the floor for a few steps. "Anyway. When I came to help you with Karofsky, I went to say hello to my dad, and she came in, and I remember..." Another sidelong look, and then he shrugs. "I'd seen my dad be... Um. I'd seen him interested in people before, not very often, but sometimes, and I -- It didn't make me uncomfortable, really. And Holly doesn't make me uncomfortable, now. But Juliet... It wasn't the way he looked at her. It... It was the way she looked back. Or... Or didn't look back. Or something. I think... And of course now. I mean, it's obvious that she was using him, and I just --"
"Yeah," Kurt says, softly, because he's never been through any of this, obviously, but he's pretty sure that if he ever did go through any of it, it would end with him doing something definitely criminal and probably completely unforgivable.
Which, come to think of it, they could probably get Santana to do for them, since she's not Juliet's biggest fan, and maybe --
But he probably shouldn't suggest that, or at least not out in the hallway, so he leads Blaine a few steps further to the choir room door, opens it, lets Blaine through.
Blaine takes two steps in and stops. Waiting, probably. Kurt follows him in, reaches out to flick the light switch and there, sitting on the very top row of the risers, is Brittany.
And she doesn't look... right.
"Brittany?" Kurt asks, and steps out in front of Blaine, shielding him even though he really shouldn't feel like he needs to do so, really shouldn't feel like Brittany is a threat to anyone -- "Are you okay? Are you -- Are you on antibiotics again? Because Miss P said we should've taken you to the hospital to have your stomach pumped the last time, and that if you ever did it again, we need to --"
Then Brittany straightens up, shakes her head, ponytail bobbing, and Kurt's too far away to really see, but he's pretty sure her eyes have cleared up. "Kurt!" she says, sounding delighted. "Kurt, you're here! I've been looking for you forever."
Kurt looks at Blaine; Blaine looks back at Kurt. "You were... looking for him in the choir room?" Blaine asks, sounding puzzled. "Because that really shouldn't take that long, so..."
Brittany pushes up to her feet, strangely wobbly. "I forgot you were in California," she says, stumbling down the risers towards them, and Kurt blinks.
"I was in French class, actually," he says. "Brittany, are you sure you're not on something, or feverish, or --"
"Or I never knew," Brittany finishes; when she makes the step off the last riser, she stumbles and almost falls.
When Kurt lurches forward, Blaine does too, his cane striking the floor so hard it almost skids out from under him and Kurt has to catch him by the arm, still reaching out to Brittany with the other hand.
But Brittany catches herself, pulls herself upright, straight and tall. "It's hard to say." Kurt doesn't understand how she can just keep... talking, so calmly. "Your face was different then, but I guess most people's are, in the past. Daniel's isn't. That's what I like about Daniel. No matter when I am, his face is always the same."
She makes it halfway to the choir room door before she has to stop, swaying slightly. Then she raises one hand to her nose and it comes away bloody.
This time, Blaine lets Kurt take the lead, hurrying forward while Blaine hobbles along behind. "Brittany," Kurt gasps, taking her by the arms and holding her steady. "Brittany, your nose --"
"It's okay," Blaine says, catching up. He pulls a small packet of tissues out of the front pocket of his bag, grabs a few, holds them out. When Brittany doesn't move to take them, he just holds them to her nose for her. "It's going to be fine, Brittany, it --"
"Should we take her to --" Kurt catches himself just before he can say "the nurse," because obviously, no. "Um. We could take her to... Miss P? Or Mr. Schue, or your dad, or --"
Brittany lays a hand on his cheek. "It's okay," she says, voice muffled and nasal from Blaine pinching at her nose. "It's fine now. I've figured it out. It's going to be fine." She smiles, a little hazily, and wraps her arm around him. "I just need to sit down with you for a while and everything will be fine."
Kurt looks at Blaine. Blaine looks at Kurt.
"I used to get nosebleeds all the time," Brittany adds. "It's fine. I just need to sit down with you for a while."
"It's pretty dry in here," Blaine says; he doesn't totally sound like he believes it, but he's trying to. One more thing he can't let himself think about. Kurt almost wishes he didn't understand, but he does. "Maybe it's just..."
"Okay," Kurt says, letting the word out on a sigh. "Okay. Let's ... Um..."
He looks at the tissues in Blaine's hands, looks at his own hands clutching at Brittany's arms, at Brittany's hands fidgeting restlessly in front of her.
Blaine smiles at him, leaving his hand where it is. There's a clatter as his cane hits the floor, and then Blaine wraps an arm around Brittany's waist, and the three of them make their way slowly back towards the risers.
October 2010
"A tumor," Jill says, and for some reason, the way she says it sends a pang of disgust through Juliet. "Interesting. That's very interesting. I'll let Ethan know."
"Just out of curiosity," Juliet says, keeping her tone civil, keeping it servile, the way she's gotten so good at over the years. "Why haven't I heard from Ethan himself? Why hasn't he --"
"Because he's busy," Jill snaps -- too fast, too defensive. "He has things to do. We all do, Juliet. When he needs to talk to you, then he will."
Juliet smiles, even though Jill can't see her from the other end of the phone. "It was an innocent question, Jill," she says, through gritted teeth.
Jill lets out a huff of breath. "I'm sorry," she says, after a moment. "I'm sorry. There's been... It's been hectic, lately. But this is... This is a positive development. This is good. I'll let Ethan know."
"When he's not busy," Juliet agrees, and the silence that greets her when she says it is music to her ears. "And tell him I'll look forward to hearing from him."
Then she hangs up the phone, and wonders if, maybe, she might get her escape route after all. If she might, finally, be freed.
October 2010
"You haven't told him, have you."
Ben raises his eyebrows at Juliet. "Not that I don't appreciate the advice, Juliet," he says, working to keep the strain out of his voice. He's still faintly rattled; there's something about seeing Juliet so close to his son. He doesn't know what it is -- ten years' worth of hard experience, probably -- but seeing the two of them together was deeply disquieting. "But I'm not burdening my son with speculation and theories when I don't actually know what's wrong. I've told him there's problems with my back; I've told him that I'm seeing a doctor. And that's all he needs to know right now."
Juliet rolls her eyes and turns away. "Honestly. You're two of a kind, you know that?"
"Excuse me?" Ben asks, and this time he doesn't bother trying not to sound sharp. Whatever she's implying --
"You and your son," Juliet says, without turning around. "You're so busy trying to protect each other from the truth that you never talk to each other. You've got a tumor on your spine, Ben. It's almost certainly going to require surgery, which means you're going to have to tell your son sooner or later, but instead you just keep dealing in half-truths. And obviously your son's following right in your footsteps, because if he'd told you why he was really here, Ben, you would never have let him walk out of that office just now."
Ben's blood runs cold; he takes a deep breath and stands, leaning on his desk for support. "And just why is he really here, Juliet?" he asks, very softly.
For just a moment, Juliet looks like she's afraid of him; just a moment, and then it passes. "He's here," Juliet says, "for David Karofsky."
January 3rd, 2011
She's not entirely surprised to see Ben wheeling himself into the nurse's office.
She's not exactly happy, but she's not surprised, either.
"So," Ben says, folding his hands in his lap, gazing up at her with those wide blue eyes. "Did you take care of that family emergency you were having?"
"Not really." She musters up a smile for him; he doesn't return it. "How's your back?"
"Never better." He smiles then, a ghost-like flicker of a thing, there and gone in the blink of an eye.
For some reason, that smile is the thing that breaks her resolve. "Ben,"she says, stepping out from around her desk, just barely able to keep herself from reaching out. "I --"
"You know what the hell of it is," he says. "If you had just been straight with me from the beginning, Juliet? I could have helped you. Or at least I could have tried. And instead, here we are. And I don't know if there's anything... I don't know if I can do anything for you now. And I wish... I wish you had trusted me. The way I trusted you."
"I'm so sorry," she says, and takes a step back, leans against her desk. "I am so sorry, Ben."
"Well," Ben says, with terrible finality. "I am too."
Then he turns and wheels out of the room without a backward glance.
December 29th, 2010
He finds her in Portland.
Of course he does.
She hasn't been there very long; just about two weeks, not very long at all. Which, really, is the longest she's stayed in any one place since she left Ohio. She started off in Florida, of course, in a car outside her sister's house, watching, wishing, dreaming. Wondering if she could ever go home. Then she ditched the car, waited for Sayid to find it, waited for Jill to call him off her scent. Got on a bus to wherever it was headed, wound up in Fort Wayne. Then it was east for a while, to New Paltz. Omaha, Galveston, Sedona -- a brief, daring trip all the way out to California.
And then, finally, Portland.
She hadn't meant to stay, not really, but she'd gotten distracted. By the places she could've lived, by the life she could've had -- if Mittelos Bio-Science had been as advertised, if Ben were really just a math teacher, if the Island wasn't haunting them with every step they took. She'd lingered. She'd took her time.
Probably he would've found her anyway, sooner or later. Anywhere she'd gone, anywhere in the world, he would've found her.
But he doesn't find her anywhere in the world. He finds her in Portland. In a thrift shop, holding a clumsily carved wooden doll in her hands. There are two faint black dots on it, a fractured curve -- eyes, a smile. Brown-painted hair, a blue paint dress. Something a child made with more love than skill.
She thinks, briefly, about holding on to it as some kind of totem -- innocence lost, maybe.
Then she sets it carefully back on its shelf.
"So," she says, and doesn't turn around. She doesn't need to; she knows he's there, caging her in. Too close for her to get away. "Now what?"
December 2010
"That's from her," Holly says. "Isn't it?"
It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It hurts because Juliet would've noticed the piece of paper, too; would've noticed and probably would've said something about it, but it would've been... different, the way she said it. Less direct, more... evasive. Her voice wouldn't have dropped with the same concern. She would've said something glib, something joking, something that would've left Ben just enough room to cover himself. Holly doesn't give him that room -- whether it's because she can't or because she won't is something Ben has yet to figure out, but either way. Either way.
He wonders if it hurts because he misses it, misses her.
He wonders if it hurts because he'd wanted this instead and just never knew it.
"It's exactly what she told Figgins," Ben says, and doesn't have to work to keep his voice level. It's been a long day, a tiring one, and he doesn't really have much energy for grief. "That there was a family emergency, and that she's very sorry, but she had to leave, and she doesn't know when she'll be back." Then he sighs. "Honestly, I don't know why I'm surprised. It's not like Juliet ever had any reason to tell me the truth. I'm just... someone who happened to be of use to her, for a little while."
And what hurts, he thinks, is not that he believed otherwise. Because he doesn't think he did, not really. He thinks he always knew, somewhere, that he meant nothing at all to her.
But that's not what hurts.
What hurts is that, in the end, he was willing to accept that. That in the end, it would have been enough.
Holly reaches out, unexpectedly, and covers his clasped hands with her own, and Ben...
Freezes.
Oh.
And just like that, it doesn't hurt quite so much.
January 3rd, 2011
He isn't really that angry at Juliet.
He was, for a while. When he found out who she worked for and what she'd been doing and why she'd been so willing to reach out to him, to be his friend... And for a few days after, right up until the moment that Holly laid her hand over his and the world spun briefly off its axis, resettled into its proper alignment. But even then, he'd been too busy to really be angry.
And now, of course, he couldn't care less.
But it's important that she's reminded of what she did to him. How she betrayed him. It's important that she has doubts. Because when Ethan calls for her, when he needs her? Ben wants her to hesitate. Not to turn, necessarily. Just to... question. Just for a moment.
Holly will take care of the rest.
Really, it's all going according to plan. Right down to the cluster of people waiting for him outside his office as he approaches.
"Hello Rachel," he says, wheeling up to them; Rachel gives him a tentative smile in return. "Mr. St. James, always a pleasure."
Jesse St. James doesn't quite smile back, but then he looks a little worse for wear. Of course, he's had rather a long drive.
Then Ben pushes himself back a little bit, looks up the man standing behind Rachel and Jesse, like he's attempting to hide behind them. "And you must be Hugo," Ben says, and smiles.
"Um." Hugo shuffles from foot to foot, looks around, looks back at Ben. "Yeah. I mean, I guess I... Yeah. I am."
"It's nice to finally make your acquaintance," Ben says. He lets the three of them stand there and fidget just a moment longer before abruptly wheeling past them. Holly will have gotten his things for him, of course, and Blaine and Kurt will be waiting at the car; no need to dawdle any longer. "Well," he says, over his shoulder. "Shall we?"
Really, it's all going according to plan.
December 29th, 2010
"So," she says, and doesn't turn around. She doesn't need to; she knows he's there, caging her in. Too close for her to get away. "Now what?"
"Now we finish what we've started," he says.
When Juliet finally does turn, Ethan is smiling at her. Of course he is. "Ben knows who I am by now," she says. "He's going to know I'm there for him. He's not going to --"
"Oh, you're not going back for Ben," Ethann tells her, his smile widening. "No, I'll take care of him. Don't worry about that. I need you... Well, I don't need you, really. I don't need you at all."
"Then why come back for me?" she asks. And that, really, is the question she should've asked first. "Why couldn't you just let me go?"
"Because your students need you, Juliet." Ethan claps one hand on her shoulder, tugging just slightly, and Juliet lets him start pushing her towards the door, leaving the doll on the shelf behind them. "Well. One of them does. Or she will, anyway. Soon."
"She?" Juliet asks. She'd thought that -- she was sure that --
"She," Ethan says, and laughs. "Come on. We'll go get a cup of coffee, and I'll explain everything."
Pairing/Character(s): Juliet Burke, Ethan Rom, Ben Linus Anderson, Will Schuester, Emma Pillsbury, Holly Holliday, Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Brittany S. Pierce. Rachel, Jesse, Hurley, and Jill (the Other) appear briefly. Sun mentioned.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: If you haven't noticed, the story went kind of non-linear a while ago. The show is, officially, all over the place.
Spoilers: Potential spoilers (kind of) for all six seasons of LOST. I feel like at this point I've warped Glee canon so much it's physically impossible for me to spoil anything from that show. Bat country. We are in it.
Standard-Issue Short-Form Disclaimer: I do not hold copyright to Glee or LOST, I make no claims to such, and I am not profiting from this.
Summary: All Juliet ever really wanted to do was to go back home again. She should have known he would findher.
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Author's Notes: This is a Glee/LOST AU crossover. This story is a work in progress, although Chapter Nineteen is starting to feel less like progress and more like beating my head against a brick wall. Chapters are posted once every two weeks, always on a Tuesday. I may up that to once a week when I get to Part Three, depending on how things go. Previous chapters and supplemental materials can be found on the masterpost, which is up to date through Chapter Thirteen! As always, if I haven't adequately explained any of the LOST stuff, please feel free to leave a comment here and/or pm me. I will answer. Unless it's a spoiler; then I might hedge my bets a little.
seldnei and the-rainbow-jen have been very patiently beta-ing chapters as they are written and then rewritten and then rewritten some more, and helping me through when I stop writing entirely, and I am enormously grateful to them.
December 29th, 2010
He finds her in Portland.
Of course he does.
September 2010
"Excuse me." The voice is soft, a little hoarse. Authoritative. A woman's voice, not a teenager's.
Ben had thought he'd met most of the faculty by now, but he'd never heard this voice before.
He hesitates with one foot on the stairs, wondering -- but it's been calm, now, for years. Either Charles has given up, or someone else has finally taken over, someone who doesn't care about Ben and his son. And this is a school with a high faculty turnover rate; people come and go all the time. There's no reason for him to --
He turns, and there on the steps below him is a woman; blonde, stunning, and no, Ben has never met her before. A woman like that, he would remember.
If Charles really did send her, he's certainly upped his standards.
She smiles at him. "Can I ask you a question? I'm new here."
"Well, you can certainly ask," he says, smiling back at him, "but I can't promise you an answer. I've only been here a few months myself. But I'll try my best, anyway." He holds his hand out and she takes it -- dry rough fingers, strong grip. "Benjamin Anderson," he says. "Math department."
Her smile widens. "Juliet Burke," she says. "I'm the school nurse."
January 3rd, 2011
"So how's Carl?" he asks, leaning against the door of Emma's office.
He asks this because he is moving on. He is moving on because it's a new year and it seems right to do this, to make this kind of a resolution. Emma has Carl and Will is going to learn to be single (possibly with some help from Holly, although she seems pretty taken with Ben Anderson lately, which maybe seems a bit of an odd match but love has its own ways of doing things and Will is not going to question that, not anymore). But Emma is still his friend, and he cares for her, and so he will ask questions about her love life from time to time, because he cares.
Not because he's jealous. Because he cares.
Emma just shrugs and goes back to scrubbing the dust off her desk. "Fine, I guess," she says. "I mean, not that we've -- He was with his family, of course, for most of the holiday, and I was here with mine, and... And that's it, really. And it's fine. It's okay, and it's fine."
"Oh... Kay," he says, after a moment. He's never quite known what to say when Emma gets like this, when she gets all twitchy and her sentences get short, clipped. Carl almost seemed to enjoy it, or at least he did the few times Will saw them together. Will always thought that was weird. "Look, I know it's none of my business, but if you two are having problems, you can always talk to --"
"Oh no," Emma says, straightening up and almost... glaring, really, the scrub in her blue-gloved hands like a weapon. "Oh no no no, we are not having problems. We are not having problems at all. Carl is having problems, problems with me doing my job to the best of my ability, and even if that means sometimes I have to take my work home with me, even if that means sometimes I can't be at his beck and call, or can't go out of state on a moment's notice, or visit his parents, or --"
It clicks, then. "Is that why you couldn't come to help decorate Mr. Anderson's room with us?" Will asks, and the hand holding the scrub falls to her side, defeated. "I was wondering -- I mean, usually you like the hospital. Everything's nice and sterile."
"Actually, hospitals are a hotbed of MRSA and Hepatitis," Emma says, sinking into her chair. "Although I do like the easy access to hand sanitizer." She drops the scrub on her desk, peels off her gloves with a defeated sigh. "I should've been there, Will, really -- I wanted to be there, but then Carl pulls out these plane tickets two days before Christmas and when I told him maybe a little warning would be nice he started in about how he was trying to help me, so I could live spontaneously and spontaneity is one thing but with Ben in the hospital and poor Blaine and you know how sad Finn's been lately and even Santana's acting a bit off... And Brittany... And Artie, definitely Artie --"
Will realizes, belatedly, that he has no idea what she's talking about. God, has his personal life got him so distracted that he's missing everything that goes on with his kids these days? But it's probably not the right time to ask Emma for help about that (definitely not), so he nods and says, "It's been a rough year." Then he thinks about it, and adds, "Well, it was a rough year. But it's a new year now, and a fresh start for all of us, and --"
Emma's face breaks into a small smile, and Will is already congratulating himself when he realizes that she's not looking at him at all. "She's back," she says, softly.
"She -- Who?" he asks, even as he's turning. But then he sees someone making their way towards the nurse's office, a blonde woman, really attractive. It takes a moment more for him to recognize her. "Is that -- That's the nurse, isn't it? Not the part-timer... the old one. Juliet."
"She's back," Emma says again, her smile widening. "Oh good. Ben is going to be so relieved."
Did Juliet and Ben have a thing? Will can't remember. He really needs to pay better attention to these things. "I bet he will," he murmurs.
Holly might not be relieved, of course. Holly might not be relieved at all.
Not that it's any of Will's business, of course, not that he cares -- well, especially not now that Emma and Carl are having problems, because if they are, then obviously --
But he is not thinking like this anymore -- he's not like one of the kids; they can spend all their time thinking about who they're dating and who they want to be dating and who they should be dating or who should be dating them -- he is an adult, and he has more important things to think about.
Like figuring out whether or not Ben and Juliet actually had a thing.
"Well," he says, and smiles back at Emma. "We should go say hello, don't you think?"
December 2009
"You're sure," Ethan says; it's not really a question, but Juliet answers as though it is anyway.
"Positive," she tells him, and Ethan turns away, arms folded, and stares at the wall. It's blank -- no knick-knacks, no pictures. No shelves. Empty. Just like him. "The only reason Claire survived is because she conceived long before she ever arrived on the Island. Sun got pregnant here. On the Island. And that means she's gonna die. Just like every other pregnant woman on this Island."
Just like Carolyn. But Juliet doesn't say it. She doesn't have to.
Ethan just stares at his blank wall.
"There nothing I can do to save her, Ethan." Juliet keeps pushing, testing. "If you want her to survive -- if Jacob wants her to survive --"
"I'm thinking," Ethan snaps. He breathes in -- breathes out in a harsh sigh, uncrosses his arms and steeples his hands in front of his face.
"She didn't know the risks," Juliet reminds him. He's close now, close. She only has to push a little harder. "Everyone else --" And again, she's careful not to mention Carolyn"-- at least they knew what could happen. But Sun had no idea. She could never have --"
"I know that." Ethan's voice is flat. Hard. "I know that. You don't need to remind me."
He's furious; Juliet can tell. Which means she's winning.
Finally, Ethan sighs again. "All right," he says, turning around. "All right. I'll have Richard contact Mr. Paik. We'll make arrangements to take her off-Island. Temporarily. Once the baby's born, she comes back." He watches her for a moment, then adds, pointedly, "And you, Juliet, are going to make sure she does."
Juliet smiles. "Of course," she says, soft and agreeable, and if Ethan isn't fooled, it doesn't matter. "Of course. I just want to make sure the baby's okay."
And it's the truth, really. Her priority is saving Sun and the baby. Anything else is on the back burner.
For now.
September 2010
"Where are you from?" she asks, sitting across from him at one of the tables in the faculty lounge. "I mean, before Indiana. Originally. Where are you from?"
"Portland," he says, and a flicker of wry amusement passes across her face. There and gone in a matter of moments, but not too fast for him to see. "Sorry, is that funny?"
Juliet just shakes her head. "Sorry," she says. "It's nothing, really. I... I had a job offer, before this. Really good one, exactly what I wanted to be doing. And they told me that it was in Portland."
She says it like it's meant to be significant; probably it is, except Ben doesn't know enough about her to know why. "Oh?" he says, prompting.
"It was..." Another shake of the head. "The first thing I found out was that it wasn't in Portland. The second thing I found out was that everything else they'd told me was a lie, too. Needless to say, that job didn't work out. So now I'm here."
"Now you're here," Ben echoes.
"Anyway." Juliet picks at her salad with her fork. "I was just... thinking, I guess. If the job had been as advertised, in Portland. We could've met under different circumstances."
It's an odd thing to say; Ben files it away for later. "Probably not," he says, a little too abrupt, and Juliet blinks at him. "Blaine and I left Portland almost as soon as I had my degree, which was some time ago. We've been wandering ever since. But that's life without tenure, I guess."
"Hmm," Juliet says, and smiles at him. "Well. And now you're here."
Ben returns her smile; she seems to have that effect on him, really. "And now I'm here."
The obvious thing to say, of course, would be that she, too, is here. Ben doesn't say obvious things very often. For whatever reason, he doesn't feel this is the best time to start.
"So," he says, instead. "Are you planning on attending the pep rally this afternoon? Because you might want to pack a poncho if you do -- I've heard the glee club is performing, and that never ends well."
And she laughs, and the moment moves on, and if Ben regrets not saying the obvious thing... Well.
He doesn't linger on regret much, either. There's too much else to do.
January 3rd, 2011
She doesn't grab the handlebars of Ben's wheelchair.
She wants to, for reasons she probably shouldn't think about too hard, but she's started to realize how much it chafes for him to be pushed around, to not be in control, so she doesn't grab the handlebars of Ben's wheelchair. She follows a few steps behind him and keeps her eyes on Juliet the entire time.
Juliet, who obviously has some kind of shame after all, just stares at the floor and doesn't acknowledge either of them. As they approach her, as they pass, she keeps her eyes on the floor and doesn't look up once.
"Breathe, Holly," Ben murmurs, when Juliet is finally out of earshot. Unless, of course, she's not, and Holly almost turns to check, but Ben says, "No, keep walking." And then he says, "Breathe," again.
It's probably supposed to be reassuring that he's so calm. Mostly it just makes Holly want to scream.
"This isn't about the jealousy thing," Ben adds after a moment, and he's joking. He's actually joking, and Holly almost wants to grab his wheelchair just for spite, but she doesn't. "Is it?"
"No," Holly says, more tersely than she means to. "No, of course -- I mean, maybe. A little. Slightly."
Ben chuckles at that, actually laughs out loud and why does she like this guy again? She's having a hard time remembering. "Have a little faith, Holly."
"In you? Or in the plan?"
Another laugh and God, he is so frustrating sometimes Holly can hardly stand it. "Both, of course," Ben says.
Holly thinks about replying, doesn't. Which, apparently, is the most conspicuous thing she could have done, because the quiet has barely had a chance to stretch out before Ben is sighing, stopping his chair, and turning rather clumsily to face her.
"Holly," he says, soft and very serious, and Holly has a brief moment of panic where she doesn't know what to do with her hands. At first she wants them on her hips, because she's pissed, but then she sort of wants to fold them over her chest, because she's pissed but she's also kind of... maybe, a little bit, scared. And then she has to drop them to her sides because Ben just keeps looking at her with those eyes of his and she's mad and she's scared and she doesn't know what to do and she knows he knows that but she also knows that he still trusts her and -- "Do you trust me?"
"Of course I do," she says, without hesitation.
"Then trust me. This is good. This is... This is exactly what we wanted. All right?"
This is not what Holly wanted. What Holly wanted was for Ethan Goodspeed and Charles Widmore and the Island and everything on it to turn into smoke and waft away so she could just sort of... figure her life out with this job she's sort of been stuck in and this guy she didn't expect to like and this town she never thought she'd stay in for more than a month. Except she kind of always knew that was never really going to happen.
"All right," Holly says. "If you say so."
Ben rewards her with a quick smile before he turns his chair around again (Holly wants to help him; doesn't), and starts wheeling his way towards the calculus classroom. "Of course," he says, his voice trailing back to her, "if she is here, that means someone's going to have to keep an eye on her."
Holly takes a deep breath and tries to keep her voice steady -- if it comes out less steady and more grim, then... Well, she has her reasons. "I thought you'd never ask."
April 2010
What bothers her, more than anything, is what this says about how thorough the surveillance is. She'd thought -- hoped -- that maybe, after Sun's baby was born, after her work was done, there might be a moment or two, the smallest of small windows where she could slip out from underneath Ethan's control. Just a few minutes that she could use to escape, and be gone.
She couldn't go back to her sister -- obviously, that'd be the first place they would look. But she could go somewhere else. Portland, maybe. She could start over.
She hadn't realized just how hard it would be to find that single second she could break away in.
But then, she hadn't realized that there was someone standing outside Sun's house, taking pictures every time someone entered or exited.
She wonders who's been standing outside her apartment, taking pictures of her.
"So tell me," she says, trying to keep all of that out of her voice; Ethan doesn't need to know that she ever thought of getting away. Doesn't need to know that she's still considering it. "What is it, exactly, that makes Benjamin Linus so important?"
October 2010
Burt Hummel has a heart attack, and Ben doesn't get a wink of sleep that night. He doesn't sleep that night, he barely eats breakfast in the morning, and at lunchtime, he finds himself in the break room staring at a tray of grocery store sushi that no longer looks the slightest bit palatable.
He isn't sure why it bothers him so much. Kurt Hummel isn't his student; it wasn't his class that got interrupted; he wasn't the one teaching when Emma had to come in, had to pull Kurt out into the hallway, to tell him --
As a teacher, this doesn't affect him.
But he isn't just a teacher; he's a father. And that is why this is getting to him so much. Because he knows a little about Kurt Hummel; not much, but enough, and he knows that Kurt only has his father. He has no one else.
In that, at least, he's not so different from Blaine.
And that's what's bothering him. It's the idea of someone walking into his son's classroom at Dalton, looking at him, not knowing what to say. It's the idea of his son sitting by his bedside in tears. It's knowing that after ten long years trying to find some place to rest their heads, it could all be torn away by some mishap, some misfiring of the beats of his heart, and he could be... gone. He's been so careful with every other aspect of his life -- it seems ridiculous that he somehow could have been so careless with this. And yet.
"Penny for 'em," Juliet says, sliding into the seat across from him, and Ben shakes his head, comes back to himself.
"Just thinking," he says, and Juliet raises an eyebrow at him. "About how long it's been since I went to have a checkup."
"Hmm." Juliet nods, apparently unsurprised, and pops open the lid of her salad. "Probably about time you had one, then."
She's not looking at him; it's impossible for him to read her face. For some reason, he's always enjoyed that about her. "I suppose so," he says.
Juliet tears open her packet of dressing. "Oh, and while you're at it, you should have them look at your back," she says, and Ben can do nothing but blink at her. She glances up at him, smiles. "Did you really think I hadn't noticed? It's probably just from standing so much, and God knows these chairs aren't great, but. As long as you're ruling out any unforeseen heart conditions, you might as well make sure you don't have a ruptured disk or anything."
"Well." It shouldn't please him so much, to know that she's noticed. But it does. "I'll set up an appointment first thing, then."
Juliet finally looks at him, smiles. "Good," she says. "That's good."
January 3rd, 2011
Blaine doesn't want to eat lunch in the cafeteria, and Kurt can't really find it in himself to blame him. It's been a long day. It's been a long year, and they're only three days in. But that awkward New Year's Eve party (Santana sitting, eating crudites with one hand and holding tight to Wes -- of all people, Warbler Wes -- with the other), and all the talking, and all of the planning, and now Nurse Juliet (who is not a nurse) is back at the school, and...
He supposes that means it'll all be over soon, at least.
It should be a comforting thought. It sort of is, because he does trust Blaine's father and he trusts his own father, and he believes if anyone can stop anything bad from happening, it's them.
If anyone can stop it.
He is working very, very hard to not think about what happens if it just can't be stopped.
So, under the circumstances, he maybe would sort of rather be sitting in the cafeteria watching Puck throw grapes into Sam's mouth while Quinn raises her eyebrows and Mercedes shakes her head and Tina makes quiet comments in Mike's ear that make him snicker.
But then again, it's just as likely that he'd just be sitting there, watching them, hating the fact that they can be so careless when his carefully-ordered world has just about shaken itself apart. And Blaine's been worked up ever since he heard about Juliet coming back, and he needs a break from having to act normal around complete strangers, so. Kurt takes him to the choir room instead, so they can talk it over.
"It's funny," Blaine says, limping along at his side. He's walking better, lately, leaning on his cane but not as heavily. Kurt doesn't want to think about how that could be useful, doesn't want to think about what would happen if Blaine had to run, if he had to fight --
It occurs to him, probably far too late, that this is exactly what Blaine's life has been for at least a decade, if not more. All these things he's had to push aside, just so he can go through his day, just so he can keep moving forward. And, yeah, if Blaine wants to hide for a while, Kurt's going to let him.
"I remember when I saw Juliet and my dad together -- it was just the one time, after Karofsky --" Blaine glances sidelong at Kurt, bites his lip. His cane thumps softly on the floor for a few steps. "Anyway. When I came to help you with Karofsky, I went to say hello to my dad, and she came in, and I remember..." Another sidelong look, and then he shrugs. "I'd seen my dad be... Um. I'd seen him interested in people before, not very often, but sometimes, and I -- It didn't make me uncomfortable, really. And Holly doesn't make me uncomfortable, now. But Juliet... It wasn't the way he looked at her. It... It was the way she looked back. Or... Or didn't look back. Or something. I think... And of course now. I mean, it's obvious that she was using him, and I just --"
"Yeah," Kurt says, softly, because he's never been through any of this, obviously, but he's pretty sure that if he ever did go through any of it, it would end with him doing something definitely criminal and probably completely unforgivable.
Which, come to think of it, they could probably get Santana to do for them, since she's not Juliet's biggest fan, and maybe --
But he probably shouldn't suggest that, or at least not out in the hallway, so he leads Blaine a few steps further to the choir room door, opens it, lets Blaine through.
Blaine takes two steps in and stops. Waiting, probably. Kurt follows him in, reaches out to flick the light switch and there, sitting on the very top row of the risers, is Brittany.
And she doesn't look... right.
"Brittany?" Kurt asks, and steps out in front of Blaine, shielding him even though he really shouldn't feel like he needs to do so, really shouldn't feel like Brittany is a threat to anyone -- "Are you okay? Are you -- Are you on antibiotics again? Because Miss P said we should've taken you to the hospital to have your stomach pumped the last time, and that if you ever did it again, we need to --"
Then Brittany straightens up, shakes her head, ponytail bobbing, and Kurt's too far away to really see, but he's pretty sure her eyes have cleared up. "Kurt!" she says, sounding delighted. "Kurt, you're here! I've been looking for you forever."
Kurt looks at Blaine; Blaine looks back at Kurt. "You were... looking for him in the choir room?" Blaine asks, sounding puzzled. "Because that really shouldn't take that long, so..."
Brittany pushes up to her feet, strangely wobbly. "I forgot you were in California," she says, stumbling down the risers towards them, and Kurt blinks.
"I was in French class, actually," he says. "Brittany, are you sure you're not on something, or feverish, or --"
"Or I never knew," Brittany finishes; when she makes the step off the last riser, she stumbles and almost falls.
When Kurt lurches forward, Blaine does too, his cane striking the floor so hard it almost skids out from under him and Kurt has to catch him by the arm, still reaching out to Brittany with the other hand.
But Brittany catches herself, pulls herself upright, straight and tall. "It's hard to say." Kurt doesn't understand how she can just keep... talking, so calmly. "Your face was different then, but I guess most people's are, in the past. Daniel's isn't. That's what I like about Daniel. No matter when I am, his face is always the same."
She makes it halfway to the choir room door before she has to stop, swaying slightly. Then she raises one hand to her nose and it comes away bloody.
This time, Blaine lets Kurt take the lead, hurrying forward while Blaine hobbles along behind. "Brittany," Kurt gasps, taking her by the arms and holding her steady. "Brittany, your nose --"
"It's okay," Blaine says, catching up. He pulls a small packet of tissues out of the front pocket of his bag, grabs a few, holds them out. When Brittany doesn't move to take them, he just holds them to her nose for her. "It's going to be fine, Brittany, it --"
"Should we take her to --" Kurt catches himself just before he can say "the nurse," because obviously, no. "Um. We could take her to... Miss P? Or Mr. Schue, or your dad, or --"
Brittany lays a hand on his cheek. "It's okay," she says, voice muffled and nasal from Blaine pinching at her nose. "It's fine now. I've figured it out. It's going to be fine." She smiles, a little hazily, and wraps her arm around him. "I just need to sit down with you for a while and everything will be fine."
Kurt looks at Blaine. Blaine looks at Kurt.
"I used to get nosebleeds all the time," Brittany adds. "It's fine. I just need to sit down with you for a while."
"It's pretty dry in here," Blaine says; he doesn't totally sound like he believes it, but he's trying to. One more thing he can't let himself think about. Kurt almost wishes he didn't understand, but he does. "Maybe it's just..."
"Okay," Kurt says, letting the word out on a sigh. "Okay. Let's ... Um..."
He looks at the tissues in Blaine's hands, looks at his own hands clutching at Brittany's arms, at Brittany's hands fidgeting restlessly in front of her.
Blaine smiles at him, leaving his hand where it is. There's a clatter as his cane hits the floor, and then Blaine wraps an arm around Brittany's waist, and the three of them make their way slowly back towards the risers.
October 2010
"A tumor," Jill says, and for some reason, the way she says it sends a pang of disgust through Juliet. "Interesting. That's very interesting. I'll let Ethan know."
"Just out of curiosity," Juliet says, keeping her tone civil, keeping it servile, the way she's gotten so good at over the years. "Why haven't I heard from Ethan himself? Why hasn't he --"
"Because he's busy," Jill snaps -- too fast, too defensive. "He has things to do. We all do, Juliet. When he needs to talk to you, then he will."
Juliet smiles, even though Jill can't see her from the other end of the phone. "It was an innocent question, Jill," she says, through gritted teeth.
Jill lets out a huff of breath. "I'm sorry," she says, after a moment. "I'm sorry. There's been... It's been hectic, lately. But this is... This is a positive development. This is good. I'll let Ethan know."
"When he's not busy," Juliet agrees, and the silence that greets her when she says it is music to her ears. "And tell him I'll look forward to hearing from him."
Then she hangs up the phone, and wonders if, maybe, she might get her escape route after all. If she might, finally, be freed.
October 2010
"You haven't told him, have you."
Ben raises his eyebrows at Juliet. "Not that I don't appreciate the advice, Juliet," he says, working to keep the strain out of his voice. He's still faintly rattled; there's something about seeing Juliet so close to his son. He doesn't know what it is -- ten years' worth of hard experience, probably -- but seeing the two of them together was deeply disquieting. "But I'm not burdening my son with speculation and theories when I don't actually know what's wrong. I've told him there's problems with my back; I've told him that I'm seeing a doctor. And that's all he needs to know right now."
Juliet rolls her eyes and turns away. "Honestly. You're two of a kind, you know that?"
"Excuse me?" Ben asks, and this time he doesn't bother trying not to sound sharp. Whatever she's implying --
"You and your son," Juliet says, without turning around. "You're so busy trying to protect each other from the truth that you never talk to each other. You've got a tumor on your spine, Ben. It's almost certainly going to require surgery, which means you're going to have to tell your son sooner or later, but instead you just keep dealing in half-truths. And obviously your son's following right in your footsteps, because if he'd told you why he was really here, Ben, you would never have let him walk out of that office just now."
Ben's blood runs cold; he takes a deep breath and stands, leaning on his desk for support. "And just why is he really here, Juliet?" he asks, very softly.
For just a moment, Juliet looks like she's afraid of him; just a moment, and then it passes. "He's here," Juliet says, "for David Karofsky."
January 3rd, 2011
She's not entirely surprised to see Ben wheeling himself into the nurse's office.
She's not exactly happy, but she's not surprised, either.
"So," Ben says, folding his hands in his lap, gazing up at her with those wide blue eyes. "Did you take care of that family emergency you were having?"
"Not really." She musters up a smile for him; he doesn't return it. "How's your back?"
"Never better." He smiles then, a ghost-like flicker of a thing, there and gone in the blink of an eye.
For some reason, that smile is the thing that breaks her resolve. "Ben,"she says, stepping out from around her desk, just barely able to keep herself from reaching out. "I --"
"You know what the hell of it is," he says. "If you had just been straight with me from the beginning, Juliet? I could have helped you. Or at least I could have tried. And instead, here we are. And I don't know if there's anything... I don't know if I can do anything for you now. And I wish... I wish you had trusted me. The way I trusted you."
"I'm so sorry," she says, and takes a step back, leans against her desk. "I am so sorry, Ben."
"Well," Ben says, with terrible finality. "I am too."
Then he turns and wheels out of the room without a backward glance.
December 29th, 2010
He finds her in Portland.
Of course he does.
She hasn't been there very long; just about two weeks, not very long at all. Which, really, is the longest she's stayed in any one place since she left Ohio. She started off in Florida, of course, in a car outside her sister's house, watching, wishing, dreaming. Wondering if she could ever go home. Then she ditched the car, waited for Sayid to find it, waited for Jill to call him off her scent. Got on a bus to wherever it was headed, wound up in Fort Wayne. Then it was east for a while, to New Paltz. Omaha, Galveston, Sedona -- a brief, daring trip all the way out to California.
And then, finally, Portland.
She hadn't meant to stay, not really, but she'd gotten distracted. By the places she could've lived, by the life she could've had -- if Mittelos Bio-Science had been as advertised, if Ben were really just a math teacher, if the Island wasn't haunting them with every step they took. She'd lingered. She'd took her time.
Probably he would've found her anyway, sooner or later. Anywhere she'd gone, anywhere in the world, he would've found her.
But he doesn't find her anywhere in the world. He finds her in Portland. In a thrift shop, holding a clumsily carved wooden doll in her hands. There are two faint black dots on it, a fractured curve -- eyes, a smile. Brown-painted hair, a blue paint dress. Something a child made with more love than skill.
She thinks, briefly, about holding on to it as some kind of totem -- innocence lost, maybe.
Then she sets it carefully back on its shelf.
"So," she says, and doesn't turn around. She doesn't need to; she knows he's there, caging her in. Too close for her to get away. "Now what?"
December 2010
"That's from her," Holly says. "Isn't it?"
It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It hurts because Juliet would've noticed the piece of paper, too; would've noticed and probably would've said something about it, but it would've been... different, the way she said it. Less direct, more... evasive. Her voice wouldn't have dropped with the same concern. She would've said something glib, something joking, something that would've left Ben just enough room to cover himself. Holly doesn't give him that room -- whether it's because she can't or because she won't is something Ben has yet to figure out, but either way. Either way.
He wonders if it hurts because he misses it, misses her.
He wonders if it hurts because he'd wanted this instead and just never knew it.
"It's exactly what she told Figgins," Ben says, and doesn't have to work to keep his voice level. It's been a long day, a tiring one, and he doesn't really have much energy for grief. "That there was a family emergency, and that she's very sorry, but she had to leave, and she doesn't know when she'll be back." Then he sighs. "Honestly, I don't know why I'm surprised. It's not like Juliet ever had any reason to tell me the truth. I'm just... someone who happened to be of use to her, for a little while."
And what hurts, he thinks, is not that he believed otherwise. Because he doesn't think he did, not really. He thinks he always knew, somewhere, that he meant nothing at all to her.
But that's not what hurts.
What hurts is that, in the end, he was willing to accept that. That in the end, it would have been enough.
Holly reaches out, unexpectedly, and covers his clasped hands with her own, and Ben...
Freezes.
Oh.
And just like that, it doesn't hurt quite so much.
January 3rd, 2011
He isn't really that angry at Juliet.
He was, for a while. When he found out who she worked for and what she'd been doing and why she'd been so willing to reach out to him, to be his friend... And for a few days after, right up until the moment that Holly laid her hand over his and the world spun briefly off its axis, resettled into its proper alignment. But even then, he'd been too busy to really be angry.
And now, of course, he couldn't care less.
But it's important that she's reminded of what she did to him. How she betrayed him. It's important that she has doubts. Because when Ethan calls for her, when he needs her? Ben wants her to hesitate. Not to turn, necessarily. Just to... question. Just for a moment.
Holly will take care of the rest.
Really, it's all going according to plan. Right down to the cluster of people waiting for him outside his office as he approaches.
"Hello Rachel," he says, wheeling up to them; Rachel gives him a tentative smile in return. "Mr. St. James, always a pleasure."
Jesse St. James doesn't quite smile back, but then he looks a little worse for wear. Of course, he's had rather a long drive.
Then Ben pushes himself back a little bit, looks up the man standing behind Rachel and Jesse, like he's attempting to hide behind them. "And you must be Hugo," Ben says, and smiles.
"Um." Hugo shuffles from foot to foot, looks around, looks back at Ben. "Yeah. I mean, I guess I... Yeah. I am."
"It's nice to finally make your acquaintance," Ben says. He lets the three of them stand there and fidget just a moment longer before abruptly wheeling past them. Holly will have gotten his things for him, of course, and Blaine and Kurt will be waiting at the car; no need to dawdle any longer. "Well," he says, over his shoulder. "Shall we?"
Really, it's all going according to plan.
December 29th, 2010
"So," she says, and doesn't turn around. She doesn't need to; she knows he's there, caging her in. Too close for her to get away. "Now what?"
"Now we finish what we've started," he says.
When Juliet finally does turn, Ethan is smiling at her. Of course he is. "Ben knows who I am by now," she says. "He's going to know I'm there for him. He's not going to --"
"Oh, you're not going back for Ben," Ethann tells her, his smile widening. "No, I'll take care of him. Don't worry about that. I need you... Well, I don't need you, really. I don't need you at all."
"Then why come back for me?" she asks. And that, really, is the question she should've asked first. "Why couldn't you just let me go?"
"Because your students need you, Juliet." Ethan claps one hand on her shoulder, tugging just slightly, and Juliet lets him start pushing her towards the door, leaving the doll on the shelf behind them. "Well. One of them does. Or she will, anyway. Soon."
"She?" Juliet asks. She'd thought that -- she was sure that --
"She," Ethan says, and laughs. "Come on. We'll go get a cup of coffee, and I'll explain everything."