...previously, on GLOST
So for those of you who've read the most recent chapter of Because You Left and are wondering just what the hell Ben has to say to the Hudmels, here are a few things that could very possibly come up. These are all direct quotes from the published chapters of the story -- some are slightly edited to make up for the fact that there's a little missing context, but nothing has been added, and none of these are from rough drafts, deleted scenes. If you've read every chapter, you've read these quotes.
That being said, is this spoilery? FUCK YEAH it's spoilery! So avoid it if that's not your scene.
But for those of you who like that kind of thing, cue the dramatic announcer voice:
"My dad's my whole world, too. He means everything to me."
*
A pamphlet on Electromagnetic Energy and You! A faded Apollo Bar Wrapper, carefully pressed flat and saved for no apparent reason. A child's drawing of what looks like some kind of a bear -- polar bear, maybe, or maybe she just never colored it in. Some kind of funny patch, like a badge for a Girl Scout uniform, with the word DHARMA on it. Nothing that weird, really, just the standard junk that kids hang on to, the kind of stuff that most people just throw away and forget about. Except Annie held on to it, and now Burt's keeping it for her, because. Because even junk starts to become meaningful if you hold on to it long enough.
And there, face down on a bare patch of carpet, is the picture that Burt was looking for. There aren't a lot of pictures of Annie from back when she was a kid, but there is this one -- Annie sitting on a swingset, her brownish-blonde hair braided into pigtails, grinning for the camera. There's a boy on the swing next to hers; he's not smiling, barely even looking at the camera. His face is turned a little sideways, his attention on Annie; the sunlight is reflecting off the lenses of his glasses, so it's hard for Burt to get a really good idea of what he looked like then.
Let alone what he would look like now.
*
"See..." Kurt lets out a little self-deprecating chuckle. "Okay, this is kind of hard to explain," he says. "But when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me stories about this island. She used to live there, or that's what she said. But I think a lot of what she told me was... You know, it was bedtime stories. Polar bears and submarines and monsters, stuff like that. Stuff that wasn't really real, you know?"
"Yeah," Blaine says, although his throat's suddenly dry and he's just barely able to get the word out. "Yeah, sure."
"But she told me, once, that she started working on those dolls the day after she met her friend." Kurt's arms tighten around Blaine's shoulders a little bit. "Before she really knew him, or had even really talked to him. She said that she just... she knew he was important. That he was brought to the island for a reason."
*
I felt bad for leaving him behind, Annie used to say, tracing her fingers over the picture. Not like it was up to me, or that I could help it, but I just... He seemed like he needed someone to take care of him, and I guess I just thought... And she'd laugh, a little, shake her head. I mean, I was twelve when we... when we moved. I wasn't really taking care of anything. Still, though. I always wondered what happened to him, after I was gone.
*
(a white rabbit disappearing into the jungle, a man with dark, sad eyes, his father's voice terrible in the nighttime, the sound of whispers, a hand pushing him forward)
*
Blaine nods, rubbing his hand in slow circles on Kurt's back. "Your mom," he says, quietly. "She..."
Kurt sniffles. "Cancer," he says. "I was eight." There's a moment when he thinks about asking Blaine how he knew, and then he realizes that he kind of doesn't need to. Blaine's already told him, just not in so many words. "How about you?"
"There was an accident," Blaine says. "My dad doesn't like to talk about it much."
*
"I raised Blaine by myself."
"Was it hard?" Kurt's voice is still quiet, but he sounds less fragile than before; if anything, Ben would guess that Kurt is the worried one now, the one trying to be gentle. It's impressive, how quickly he changes roles.
"Sometimes," Ben admits. "There have been some... unexpected difficulties. But I wouldn't change it."
*
("one of these days, ben, you're going to have to choose. the Island, or your son?")
(his father's voice, quiet and sure. "maybe i've already chosen.")
("then so be it.")
*
"Pretend, for just a second, that you and your son were trapped on this island with a whole bunch of other people. And these people, they said they were good guys, they said they were nice and they wanted to help you, but first they needed to learn more about your son, right? Because your son, he's special. So they take your son away from you, and they put him in this room, and --"
*
(EVERYTHING CHANGES)
(clouds moving across the sky, gray to red to black and the storm is coming, it's coming)
Everything is so loud, so loud he can feel his bones vibrating, so loud he feels like he's shaking apart, and then a high pitched noise like a scream whistles through, cutting everything else out and it hurts and he just wants to close his eyes, but he can't.
(the moon, no longer obscured by clouds)
(insects crawling)
(dead fish with open eyes)
(WE ARE THE CAUSES OF OUR OWN SUFFERING)
*
"Because that's what these people -- my people -- that's what they do to children. They ruin them." He glances up at Burt; Burt takes one look at the wide blue eyes behind his little round glasses, and immediately thinks of the picture hidden in his closet, of that skinny kid sitting on the swings next to Annie, and cold chills go down his spine. "That's why I took Blaine, why I ran. Because I couldn't let them do to him what they did to..." He doesn't finish the sentence.
*
"It's not like leaving was his choice in the first place. I mean, that Linus guy basically kidnapped him. He probably wants to go home. He'll probably thank us."
"You don't really believe that," the Iraqi says, still soft-voiced and calm.
*
"I'm all he has," he says, and it's terrifying how true that is. He forgets sometimes that it's mutual, that it's the two of them, but then he never seriously thought that anything could ever take him from his son.
*
"It was the light again," Blaine whispers, and clings to Ben's shirt with both hands. "It was the light, and it took you, and... Dad..."
"I'm here, Blaine," Ben repeats, and closes his eyes, and rocks his son, and waits for the panic to stop. "I'm right here."
"Dad," Blaine says again, and presses in closer, and starts to cry.
*
And he doesn't want to run away again; he doesn't want to leave Kurt now that he's found him. But he wants Kurt to know why, just in case. He wants Kurt to know that whatever happens, none of it is his fault.
*
His father's eyes are serious behind his glasses, but there's the smallest trace of a smile playing around his lips, and he looks... He looks proud, and Blaine doesn't know what he did to deserve it. Only that it's somehow terrifying, the weight of that pride. He's not sure if it's anything he can ever live up to. "Just... know that this isn't a decision I came to lightly, Blaine," his father says, his voice soft, reassuring. "But you're old enough now to start making decisions about your life, and what you want it to be. And I think that this is the appropriate place to start."
*
Charles takes another deep breath; it rasps through the phone, a little harshly. "The boy belongs to the Island," he says. "And someday, Benjamin, you will bring him back."
Also, for those of you who are endlessly curious about the DHARMA Initiative (and aren't we all?) this page has clips from an episode of the short-lived ABC show "Mysteries of the Universe" that may be of very great interest to you.
That being said, is this spoilery? FUCK YEAH it's spoilery! So avoid it if that's not your scene.
But for those of you who like that kind of thing, cue the dramatic announcer voice:
"My dad's my whole world, too. He means everything to me."
*
A pamphlet on Electromagnetic Energy and You! A faded Apollo Bar Wrapper, carefully pressed flat and saved for no apparent reason. A child's drawing of what looks like some kind of a bear -- polar bear, maybe, or maybe she just never colored it in. Some kind of funny patch, like a badge for a Girl Scout uniform, with the word DHARMA on it. Nothing that weird, really, just the standard junk that kids hang on to, the kind of stuff that most people just throw away and forget about. Except Annie held on to it, and now Burt's keeping it for her, because. Because even junk starts to become meaningful if you hold on to it long enough.
And there, face down on a bare patch of carpet, is the picture that Burt was looking for. There aren't a lot of pictures of Annie from back when she was a kid, but there is this one -- Annie sitting on a swingset, her brownish-blonde hair braided into pigtails, grinning for the camera. There's a boy on the swing next to hers; he's not smiling, barely even looking at the camera. His face is turned a little sideways, his attention on Annie; the sunlight is reflecting off the lenses of his glasses, so it's hard for Burt to get a really good idea of what he looked like then.
Let alone what he would look like now.
*
"See..." Kurt lets out a little self-deprecating chuckle. "Okay, this is kind of hard to explain," he says. "But when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me stories about this island. She used to live there, or that's what she said. But I think a lot of what she told me was... You know, it was bedtime stories. Polar bears and submarines and monsters, stuff like that. Stuff that wasn't really real, you know?"
"Yeah," Blaine says, although his throat's suddenly dry and he's just barely able to get the word out. "Yeah, sure."
"But she told me, once, that she started working on those dolls the day after she met her friend." Kurt's arms tighten around Blaine's shoulders a little bit. "Before she really knew him, or had even really talked to him. She said that she just... she knew he was important. That he was brought to the island for a reason."
*
I felt bad for leaving him behind, Annie used to say, tracing her fingers over the picture. Not like it was up to me, or that I could help it, but I just... He seemed like he needed someone to take care of him, and I guess I just thought... And she'd laugh, a little, shake her head. I mean, I was twelve when we... when we moved. I wasn't really taking care of anything. Still, though. I always wondered what happened to him, after I was gone.
*
(a white rabbit disappearing into the jungle, a man with dark, sad eyes, his father's voice terrible in the nighttime, the sound of whispers, a hand pushing him forward)
*
Blaine nods, rubbing his hand in slow circles on Kurt's back. "Your mom," he says, quietly. "She..."
Kurt sniffles. "Cancer," he says. "I was eight." There's a moment when he thinks about asking Blaine how he knew, and then he realizes that he kind of doesn't need to. Blaine's already told him, just not in so many words. "How about you?"
"There was an accident," Blaine says. "My dad doesn't like to talk about it much."
*
"I raised Blaine by myself."
"Was it hard?" Kurt's voice is still quiet, but he sounds less fragile than before; if anything, Ben would guess that Kurt is the worried one now, the one trying to be gentle. It's impressive, how quickly he changes roles.
"Sometimes," Ben admits. "There have been some... unexpected difficulties. But I wouldn't change it."
*
("one of these days, ben, you're going to have to choose. the Island, or your son?")
(his father's voice, quiet and sure. "maybe i've already chosen.")
("then so be it.")
*
"Pretend, for just a second, that you and your son were trapped on this island with a whole bunch of other people. And these people, they said they were good guys, they said they were nice and they wanted to help you, but first they needed to learn more about your son, right? Because your son, he's special. So they take your son away from you, and they put him in this room, and --"
*
(EVERYTHING CHANGES)
(clouds moving across the sky, gray to red to black and the storm is coming, it's coming)
Everything is so loud, so loud he can feel his bones vibrating, so loud he feels like he's shaking apart, and then a high pitched noise like a scream whistles through, cutting everything else out and it hurts and he just wants to close his eyes, but he can't.
(the moon, no longer obscured by clouds)
(insects crawling)
(dead fish with open eyes)
(WE ARE THE CAUSES OF OUR OWN SUFFERING)
*
"Because that's what these people -- my people -- that's what they do to children. They ruin them." He glances up at Burt; Burt takes one look at the wide blue eyes behind his little round glasses, and immediately thinks of the picture hidden in his closet, of that skinny kid sitting on the swings next to Annie, and cold chills go down his spine. "That's why I took Blaine, why I ran. Because I couldn't let them do to him what they did to..." He doesn't finish the sentence.
*
"It's not like leaving was his choice in the first place. I mean, that Linus guy basically kidnapped him. He probably wants to go home. He'll probably thank us."
"You don't really believe that," the Iraqi says, still soft-voiced and calm.
*
"I'm all he has," he says, and it's terrifying how true that is. He forgets sometimes that it's mutual, that it's the two of them, but then he never seriously thought that anything could ever take him from his son.
*
"It was the light again," Blaine whispers, and clings to Ben's shirt with both hands. "It was the light, and it took you, and... Dad..."
"I'm here, Blaine," Ben repeats, and closes his eyes, and rocks his son, and waits for the panic to stop. "I'm right here."
"Dad," Blaine says again, and presses in closer, and starts to cry.
*
And he doesn't want to run away again; he doesn't want to leave Kurt now that he's found him. But he wants Kurt to know why, just in case. He wants Kurt to know that whatever happens, none of it is his fault.
*
His father's eyes are serious behind his glasses, but there's the smallest trace of a smile playing around his lips, and he looks... He looks proud, and Blaine doesn't know what he did to deserve it. Only that it's somehow terrifying, the weight of that pride. He's not sure if it's anything he can ever live up to. "Just... know that this isn't a decision I came to lightly, Blaine," his father says, his voice soft, reassuring. "But you're old enough now to start making decisions about your life, and what you want it to be. And I think that this is the appropriate place to start."
*
Charles takes another deep breath; it rasps through the phone, a little harshly. "The boy belongs to the Island," he says. "And someday, Benjamin, you will bring him back."
Also, for those of you who are endlessly curious about the DHARMA Initiative (and aren't we all?) this page has clips from an episode of the short-lived ABC show "Mysteries of the Universe" that may be of very great interest to you.