The Women We Love Fest, Day Five: Elephant in the Room

[lookninjas]

I apologize in advance if this is a rambling, hot damn mess. Actually, that's not an if. It is a rambling, hot damn mess. And I apologize for that. I just have so many feelings.

Comments

[rena_librarian]

I would argue that if you're that in love with someone, it isn't fair to anyone involved to be with someone else. Brittany's reaping the benefits of Artie "wearing her label," to use your term, but her heart can't be fully in it while she has that strong of feelings for Santana. So he's giving her affection/attention/sex/all the awesome stuff that comes from being in a relationship, and she's giving him...sex and attention, sure, but he's not getting all of her. On some level he knows, I think, because it ultimately (partially) resulted in their breakup, and he goes along with it--but still.

Not that I disagree with you about her wanting more than Santana can/will give her, or that taking Santana up on her half-hearted offer of a relationship wouldn't have really been what she was after, you're right about all of that. But I feel like she was kind of stringing Artie along, and that if being with Santana isn't going to work, maybe girlfriend needs to step back and spend some time being single? Until Santana CAN give her what she needs, or until her feelings for Santana subside.

On the flip side, I also really respect Brittany for holding her ground and not getting back together with Artie--I wasn't expecting that, and THAT was surprisingly mature (a phrase that seems to come up often during all your posts on her!). So for now she seems to be doing kind of what I suggested anyway, lol.

(And I'm really trying to come at this without Tina/Artie bias, but I do really think those two worked well.)

[lookninjas]

Personally, I don't think that Brittany was incapable of giving Artie all of her. It's not something I ever really found occasion to go into during all of this, but I took Brittany at her word when she said that she loved Santana, but that she loved Artie, too. I don't think she was lying about that, and I don't think she just meant that she loved him as a friend.

I'm trying not to come at this like some sort of polyamory evangelist, because I'm really not. It's certainly not something that would ever work for me -- I get wrapped up in things and just want to roll around in them forever; I can't split up my time or my energy like that. I'm very narrow-focused, that way. But not everyone is; I do think that some people are capable of loving more than one person at once, and loving both (or all) of them equally. And it wouldn't surprise me if Brittany was that sort of person.

I don't think she ever had a reason to feel like she was only giving Artie half of her. Because I don't think she was. I think her feelings for him were as genuine and true as her feelings for Santana. And now that they appear to be done, I hope they remain lulzy besties, just like she's remained friends with Santana.

[rena_librarian]

I...hadn't considered that angle. Like you, I could never, ever, ever make polyamory work, and it still leaves the question of if either Artie or Santana would actually consider being in a polyamorous relationship; I think, based on his reaction to Britt's cheating, Artie would not. Santana? Hard to say.

And that being said, if I was with someone and they sprung me with the news that they wanted a polyamorous relationship, even if they felt capable of loving more than just me, I would feel rejected and less wanted--not loved completely. Doubly so if they had someone specific in mind, not just a "hey I think I'd like to bring in a third person if we can ever find someone we agree on" kind of thing. And THEN if it was someone they had history with... =/ So she may have felt like she was giving him her all, but I don't think he'd agree, and therefore I still don't think it's fair for her to be dating him under the circumstances.

(And this is all assuming Britt considers herself poly, which I don't see happening anytime soon in canon, because this is major network television. -_-*)

However, I AM also all for Britt and Artie being all BFF. =) MY CUP, MY CUP, SAYIN' WHAT'S UP TO MY CUP.