The Women We Love Fest, Day Three : All the Good Things, and the Bad Things
This should have been posted yesterday, but it was not. And while I could make up some story about computer trouble or something (actually, my internet was better yesterday; it's wonky as hell this morning), the truth is that I had a boy over and I was very distracted.
So today we're going to talk about sex, because that seems fitting.
(Also -- I apologize in advance if this is slightly more rambling than usual. Partially because this is one of those things that I'm still really struggling to put into coherent thoughts, and also because I have to write two entries for the meme today and go to work, so I don't necessarily have time to really edit overmuch. So I'm sorry for the word vomit. And the lack of .gifs)
So let's get right down to it: I fucking love Brittany's attitude to sex.
I love that she is unashamed and unapologetic and proud of the fooling around she's done. (I'm not going to say sex, because I'm not sure how much actual intercourse has been involved. She's said she's had sex with Santana; she's taken at least one guy's virginity; she's "done it" with Artie. So there's at least three people. But I don't necessarily want to assume that there's been more, because... I don't know, I think that it's kind of uncool to make assumptions about someone's sex life like that. Even if they're a fictional someone. So mostly, we're going to stick to "fooling around," as an attempt to keep things accurate. But anyway.) I love that it's not something she's pressured into; it's not something she does because she's feeling insecure or too fat or drunk off wine coolers. It's something she does because she wants to do it. Because she likes it and it feels good and, hey, sometimes it gets her things she wants and that's a bonus. But even if she doesn't get anything but guys kissing her in the armpit, it seems like that's more than enough for her (unless, of course, she's with Santana, or possibly Artie). She really just doesn't seem to have any hangups about it. And to be honest? You just don't see female characters like that on tv. Especially not teenage girls. And that makes me so freaking happy.
I realize that Brittany's sex-positivity has been a cause for concern with some people, particularly in light of some of the things that have come across in season two. I'm thinking here of the stork scenario (although I know some people were upset about the Santa storyline as well). And like I've said before, I'm still working out my feelings about some of these things with Brittany, so it's possible that this is an opinion that will change or get further developed with time. But when I stop and ask myself, really ask myself if her belief in the stork actually affects her ability to give informed consent to a sexual partner... You know, honestly, I'm coming up with a big fat NO here.
Granted, this is complicated for me: I'm coming from a family where sex ed was a very open, important thing, and I'm from that generation that came of age immediately post-AIDS, so I was around for that one year or so where there was actual sex ed and we were actually taught about shit like condoms and spermicidal lubricants and dental dams and all of that. The idea of kids walking through life without appropriate sex ed blows my mind, and I'm not always sure whether some of the things they say on Glee are actually things that kids might believe or not. Finn's belief that Quinn got pregnant in a hot tub? Yeah, okay, I can see that. Mercedes' "Wait, cucumbers cause AIDS" moment? ... I... really? Really, Mercedes? And then there's the stork thing, obviously. But is the stork thing that much weirder than the cucumber thing? Would anyone say that Mercedes can't have sex until she learns where STDs come from?
And the thing is, too, that it's not like Brittany believes that babies come from the stork alone. It's already been stated that she knows that sex is involved. I think it's back in Season One where she has that line talking about sex and and says "What's the worst that could happen?" before glancing over and then adding "Sorry, Quinn." It's implied that she knows at least a little bit about it, even if she did get confused by Burt's statement that she and Kurt should use "protection." (This may, of course, have been because she already knew she wasn't going to make it to second base with him, let alone home plate. Oh, Kurt.) Unless Brittany somehow forgot everything from season one before season two started (insert your favorite "And so did the writers!" joke here), it's logical to assume that, at the very least, she recognizes that if you're not having sex, you're not going to see the stork. She should know, and I think she does know, that sex is part of the process.
Which, to be honest, puts her about at the same level as Finn, and I don't see nearly as much concern about his sex life as we do about hers. (And while it's easy to say that he doesn't have as much of a sex life as she does -- again, I don't know that Brittany's actual sex life is that busy, and I'm not going to assume that it is.)
It's also worth noting that we don't really see her being coerced into sex ever. Santana manipulates her into thinking that having sex isn't the same thing as cheating, but I don't think that's the same thing. (It's also worth noting that, again, the Glee kids seem to have slightly skewed views on what constitutes cheating -- Rachel is furious when she finds out that Finn had sex with someone who wasn't her, even though they weren't dating at the time. She then assumes that making out with Puck is an appropriate response and is surprises that Finn doesn't agree, even though she and Finn actually were together at that point.) Whereas Quinn and Finn are actually pressured into losing their virginities. But when we see Brittany engaged in sexual activities, she's always an enthusiastic participant. Hell, she's usually the one to initiate.
And, as shown by her behavior towards Santana in "Duets," and then Artie in "Prom Queen," she is capable of withdrawing from sexual activity. She can and will cut someone off if she feels they're not treating her with enough respect. She is capable of saying No.
I don't think Brittany's attitude towards sex is 100% perfect. For starters, I'd really like to see Blaine come over to her house with a box of condoms and some helpful pamphlets on pregnancy and STDs and give her a very earnest and sincere and deeply, deeply awkward sex ed lesson (best episode of Fondue for Two ever, you guys). And I actually do have reservations about that first scene with Artie in "Duets," where I think she (unknowingly, but still) kind of took advantage of Artie's own hangups and had sex with him before she should have, when it would have been better for her to wait. She has a lot to learn, not just about the fundamentals of protection, but about taking that moment to talk about things with her partner, instead of just assuming that a lack of "no" means "yes." But, you know, she's maybe sixteen or seventeen. She'll get there.
And overall, I like that Brittany approaches sex in a very comfortable, natural way. And I like that she's not degraded in the story for doing so. She chooses her own partners; no one chooses for her, she's not passed around as a party favor. When she says "no," people listen. It's extremely rare that anyone even makes an attempt to shame her for being who she is. In a school with an active celibacy club, I think that says a lot.
It's also pretty striking that, again, she has never made any bones about the fact that she has sex with both men and women. She didn't label it until late in season two, but she's never hidden it. She is who she is; she's sexual, she's open, and she's bi, and she's not ashamed of that.
That was one of the first things I loved about her. And it's one of the things I still love about her now.
In short -- I have feelings, and they are complicated feelings, but mostly I think it's okay for Brittany to want sex and to have sex and to enjoy sex. And I think she needs to talk about sex with Kurt. And then Blaine needs to talk about protection with her. And then everyone will sing this song:
Click to viewbecause I'm still mad that it wasn't in "Sexy" and it should have been.