now the whole party is melting like dalí; justin/kanye/ryan
now the whole party is melting like dalí (alternatively named i am so sorry this exists)
justin bieber/kanye west/ryan ross, side brendon urie/50 cent - 1.5k
follow up to this. ryan and kanye are married. justin complicates things. everyone tweets.
A/N: big love to cyclogenesis who prevented a breakdown and suggested this entire thing. the timeline is a bit messy, i'm going to assume panic never broke up. completely self-indulgent and ridiculous, sorry.
Ryan doesn't like to consider himself a housewife, but when he's shopping on Rodeo drive with Kanye's credit card, he can't really deny it. Brendon tags along, dragging Ryan into some shoe store that makes him feel really old. He finds a bench, sitting in the corner with his arms crossed, shaking his head at Brendon. "We're not putting those on Kanye's card," he says, voice firm.
Brendon rolls his eyes, looking at himself in the mirror, a pair of gold shoes on his feet. "Kanye wouldn't mind."
"He would definitely mind. Kanye doesn't like you,” Ryan says, huffing out a laugh.
Brendon sighs. "It's not my fault! I bought like, four copies of Twisted Fantasies or whatever,” he says, looking over to meet Ryan’s eyes.
Ryan groans, burying his face in his hands. "It's called My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Brendon. This is why he hates you!"
Brendon laughs, slumping down next to Ryan on the bench. "It's funny how Kanye marries you and starts titling shit that no one can remember."
Ryan shoves him, a smile on his face. "Fuck off."
But Brendon's attention is elsewhere, hopping up with a grin. "Justin Bieber! Hey!"
Justin turns around, looking between Brendon and Ryan, smiling awkwardly. "Hey man." Doing a double take, he meets Ryan's eyes. "You're Kanye's husband right?"
Ryan nods, looking Justin over, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah..."
Justin grins, pulling out his phone. "Cool. I'm going to add you on twitter."
Brendon frowns. "What about me?" he asks.
Justin nods, "sure man" but he's already pocketed his phone, heading out the door. "Bye bro! Swaggy."
-
Ryan follows Justin Bieber back on twitter because it's the polite thing to do.
Ryan looks over at Spencer with a frown, scrolling through twitter with one hand and picking at his sushi with the other. "Do you know who Justin Bieber is?"
Spencer huffs out a laugh, setting his chop-sticks down. "Doesn't everyone?"
Ryan meets Spencer’s eyes and shrugs before looking back down at his phone. "I think he's obsessed with me."
-
When Kanye and Ryan end up backstage at a Justin Bieber concert drinking with his crew, he tries not to question it. If he secretly downloads Boyfriend on his phone, it's only because Kanye's been listening to it on repeat for the last 2 weeks and definitely not because he likes the way Justin’s voice sounds. After the show, they shuffle into a limo with a few guys from Justin's crew, en route to his beach house in Malibu.
They're doing shots of Patron in a house bigger than Ryan's ever seen (that’s saying a lot, he lives with Kanye West okay) when he pauses.
"Aren't you like 16?" Ryan asks after a few shots, body lazy with liquor.
Justin grins, shaking his head. "I'm 18. I'm legal, bro."
Kanye wraps his arm around Ryan's waist, pouring another shot into his glass. "Stop complicating shit, Ross."
"My last name is West now. I don't know if you heard...,” says Ryan, fitting himself against Kanye.
Justin grins beside them. "You bros have so much swag."
-
When Justin starts coming over on Thursday nights to watch DVR'd episodes of Pretty Little Liars, Ryan doesn't question it. He just curls deeper into Kanye's side, eyes fixed on the TV. It's the third week when Justin starts crashing in one of their spare rooms that Ryan speaks up.
"Is this like, a thing?" he asks, meeting Kanye's eyes, nodding to Justin.
Kanye shrugs, huffing out a laugh.
Justin beams next to him, his head rested on Ryan's shoulder. "You guys are my best bros."
-
Kanye and Ryan throw a dinner party. Pete tries to get everyone to follow him on twitter, 50 Cent complains about Kanye's grilling and Beyonce and Ryan play Connect Four. Brendon shows up after midnight, immediately flinging himself down next to 50 Cent.
"So you like white girls, right? Chelsea Handler and I have a lot in common." 50 laughs and Ryan's not even sure why because Brendon isn't funny, oh my god.
Ryan groans, looking over at Beyonce with pleading eyes. "Make it stop."
"I don't know, they could be the next Kanye and Ryan,” says Beyonce, dropping a piece into the game. “Connect four!”
As if summoned by his name, Kanye appears, wrapping his arms around Ryan's neck from behind. "No one can be the next us. We on our own level, Bey."
Justin looks up from his plate, meeting Kanye's eyes. "I could be on your level though, right?"
Kanye shrugs, a small smile on his face. "Maybe."
-
"I don't think he's looking for a relationship, Bren."
Brendon flings himself back against Ryan's couch, his voice whiny. "Are you sure?"
Ryan laughs, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. "I don't know, really. I'm just guessing."
"Is it a bad sign if he only calls me after 1 AM?" Brendon asks, biting his lip.
Ryan nods, shoving Brendon until he falls off the couch with a yelp. "Definitely. You're 50 Cent's booty call."
Brendon rolls his eyes, climbing back onto the couch, propping his feet on the table in front of him. "Don't get me started. You're basically in a three-way relationship with an 18 year old pop-star."
Ryan slaps Brendon's feet down, glaring at him. "Kanye would kill you if he saw you with your feet on his that. He had it imported from like, Egypt or something.”
“Oh my god,” Brendon groans, “your husband is so fucking weird, I swear.”
-
Justin leaves for tour and Kanye takes Ryan on a fancy date, some restaurant he can’t pronounce.
“You need to stop,” Kanye says after Ryan’s ordered a second bottle and drained nearly half of it alone.
Ryan rolls his eyes, looking at Kanye over his wine glass. “Stop what?”
“Stop deflecting. He’ll be back in a month.”
“Oh my god,” Ryan groans, “I don’t even care, this wine is just really good, Kanye. I just like the way it tastes.”
Kanye huffs out a laugh, nodding. “Right. You can’t admit that you’re into him, I get it.”
“I’m a married man,” Ryan says, meeting Kanye’s eyes.
Kanye shrugs, “so am I, but I’m not afraid to speak up when I want something.”
-
Ryan doesn’t blow off his friends to Skype with Justin, really, he doesn’t. He has housework to be doing and a pool to lay out by and hockey to watch. If he happens to spend his evenings sitting at the kitchen table with Kanye, Justin on the laptop screen in front of them, it’s nothing more than a coincidence.
-
Justin’s tour passes in a rush. Kanye takes him into the studio and Ryan sits on the couch fiddling with a notebook as he watches Kanye work. Sometimes Beyonce visits with Blue which is nice for Ryan, he likes that.
He lies down on the pink blanket Beyonce spreads on the floor for Blue, murmuring nonsense to the baby lying on his chest while Bey lays down a track Kanye’s been complaining about for weeks.
“Your godfather is cray,” Ryan says, laughing at his own joke. “Get it?” he asks, smiling down at Blue. “Cray.”
-
Justin asks them to pick him up from the airport Friday morning and they go, Ryan refusing to change out of his pajamas, sitting in the passenger seat of Kanye’s car, fiddling with the radio.
“You look ridiculous,” Kanye points out, shaking his head. “I thought we went over this.”
Ryan rolls his eyes, shifting back into the seat. “It’s not even 5am and you’re wearing fur.”
“Yeah,” says Kanye, “and I look great. You on the other hand...” Kanye trails off, reaching over for Ryan’s hand and lacing their fingers. “You’re lucky I go in public with you.”
Ryan can’t help but smile, looking over at Kanye briefly before training his eyes on the road. “I’m kind of nervous.”
Kanye turns into LAX, squeezing Ryan’s hand gently. “Don’t be. He’s going to love it.”
Ryan sighs, swallowing hard. “Okay.”
-
“This is intense, bro!” Justin exclaims, looking around the empty house. “Did you pay more than 12? I hope you didn’t let them highball you.”
Ryan snorts, resting his head on Kanye’s shoulder, looking over at Justin through half-lidded eyes. Ryan’s exhausted, but this is important.
Kanye shakes his head, wrapping an arm around Justin’s neck, pulling him into them. “Don’t worry about it. My money, my house.”
Justin laughs, shrugging. “I’m just looking out for you, dude.”
Kanye raises an eyebrow, hand coming to rest on Justin’s cheek. “How about you let someone look out for you for a change.”
Justin bites his lip, looking up at Kanye through thick lashes before darting his eyes to Ryan. “Yeah, okay.”
Kanye nods, “good ‘cause I already booked movers. They’ll be at your place on Thursday.”
Justin surges forward, pressing a kiss to Kanye’s lips, murmuring against them, “thanks.”
“Feeling a little left out over here,” whines Ryan, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Sorry,” Justin says, grinning before fitting his lips against Ryan’s.
justin bieber/kanye west/ryan ross, side brendon urie/50 cent - 1.5k
follow up to this. ryan and kanye are married. justin complicates things. everyone tweets.
A/N: big love to cyclogenesis who prevented a breakdown and suggested this entire thing. the timeline is a bit messy, i'm going to assume panic never broke up. completely self-indulgent and ridiculous, sorry.
Ryan doesn't like to consider himself a housewife, but when he's shopping on Rodeo drive with Kanye's credit card, he can't really deny it. Brendon tags along, dragging Ryan into some shoe store that makes him feel really old. He finds a bench, sitting in the corner with his arms crossed, shaking his head at Brendon. "We're not putting those on Kanye's card," he says, voice firm.
Brendon rolls his eyes, looking at himself in the mirror, a pair of gold shoes on his feet. "Kanye wouldn't mind."
"He would definitely mind. Kanye doesn't like you,” Ryan says, huffing out a laugh.
Brendon sighs. "It's not my fault! I bought like, four copies of Twisted Fantasies or whatever,” he says, looking over to meet Ryan’s eyes.
Ryan groans, burying his face in his hands. "It's called My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Brendon. This is why he hates you!"
Brendon laughs, slumping down next to Ryan on the bench. "It's funny how Kanye marries you and starts titling shit that no one can remember."
Ryan shoves him, a smile on his face. "Fuck off."
But Brendon's attention is elsewhere, hopping up with a grin. "Justin Bieber! Hey!"
Justin turns around, looking between Brendon and Ryan, smiling awkwardly. "Hey man." Doing a double take, he meets Ryan's eyes. "You're Kanye's husband right?"
Ryan nods, looking Justin over, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah..."
Justin grins, pulling out his phone. "Cool. I'm going to add you on twitter."
Brendon frowns. "What about me?" he asks.
Justin nods, "sure man" but he's already pocketed his phone, heading out the door. "Bye bro! Swaggy."
-
Ryan follows Justin Bieber back on twitter because it's the polite thing to do.
Ryan looks over at Spencer with a frown, scrolling through twitter with one hand and picking at his sushi with the other. "Do you know who Justin Bieber is?"
Spencer huffs out a laugh, setting his chop-sticks down. "Doesn't everyone?"
Ryan meets Spencer’s eyes and shrugs before looking back down at his phone. "I think he's obsessed with me."
-
When Kanye and Ryan end up backstage at a Justin Bieber concert drinking with his crew, he tries not to question it. If he secretly downloads Boyfriend on his phone, it's only because Kanye's been listening to it on repeat for the last 2 weeks and definitely not because he likes the way Justin’s voice sounds. After the show, they shuffle into a limo with a few guys from Justin's crew, en route to his beach house in Malibu.
They're doing shots of Patron in a house bigger than Ryan's ever seen (that’s saying a lot, he lives with Kanye West okay) when he pauses.
"Aren't you like 16?" Ryan asks after a few shots, body lazy with liquor.
Justin grins, shaking his head. "I'm 18. I'm legal, bro."
Kanye wraps his arm around Ryan's waist, pouring another shot into his glass. "Stop complicating shit, Ross."
"My last name is West now. I don't know if you heard...,” says Ryan, fitting himself against Kanye.
Justin grins beside them. "You bros have so much swag."
-
When Justin starts coming over on Thursday nights to watch DVR'd episodes of Pretty Little Liars, Ryan doesn't question it. He just curls deeper into Kanye's side, eyes fixed on the TV. It's the third week when Justin starts crashing in one of their spare rooms that Ryan speaks up.
"Is this like, a thing?" he asks, meeting Kanye's eyes, nodding to Justin.
Kanye shrugs, huffing out a laugh.
Justin beams next to him, his head rested on Ryan's shoulder. "You guys are my best bros."
-
Kanye and Ryan throw a dinner party. Pete tries to get everyone to follow him on twitter, 50 Cent complains about Kanye's grilling and Beyonce and Ryan play Connect Four. Brendon shows up after midnight, immediately flinging himself down next to 50 Cent.
"So you like white girls, right? Chelsea Handler and I have a lot in common." 50 laughs and Ryan's not even sure why because Brendon isn't funny, oh my god.
Ryan groans, looking over at Beyonce with pleading eyes. "Make it stop."
"I don't know, they could be the next Kanye and Ryan,” says Beyonce, dropping a piece into the game. “Connect four!”
As if summoned by his name, Kanye appears, wrapping his arms around Ryan's neck from behind. "No one can be the next us. We on our own level, Bey."
Justin looks up from his plate, meeting Kanye's eyes. "I could be on your level though, right?"
Kanye shrugs, a small smile on his face. "Maybe."
-
"I don't think he's looking for a relationship, Bren."
Brendon flings himself back against Ryan's couch, his voice whiny. "Are you sure?"
Ryan laughs, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. "I don't know, really. I'm just guessing."
"Is it a bad sign if he only calls me after 1 AM?" Brendon asks, biting his lip.
Ryan nods, shoving Brendon until he falls off the couch with a yelp. "Definitely. You're 50 Cent's booty call."
Brendon rolls his eyes, climbing back onto the couch, propping his feet on the table in front of him. "Don't get me started. You're basically in a three-way relationship with an 18 year old pop-star."
Ryan slaps Brendon's feet down, glaring at him. "Kanye would kill you if he saw you with your feet on his that. He had it imported from like, Egypt or something.”
“Oh my god,” Brendon groans, “your husband is so fucking weird, I swear.”
-
Justin leaves for tour and Kanye takes Ryan on a fancy date, some restaurant he can’t pronounce.
“You need to stop,” Kanye says after Ryan’s ordered a second bottle and drained nearly half of it alone.
Ryan rolls his eyes, looking at Kanye over his wine glass. “Stop what?”
“Stop deflecting. He’ll be back in a month.”
“Oh my god,” Ryan groans, “I don’t even care, this wine is just really good, Kanye. I just like the way it tastes.”
Kanye huffs out a laugh, nodding. “Right. You can’t admit that you’re into him, I get it.”
“I’m a married man,” Ryan says, meeting Kanye’s eyes.
Kanye shrugs, “so am I, but I’m not afraid to speak up when I want something.”
-
Ryan doesn’t blow off his friends to Skype with Justin, really, he doesn’t. He has housework to be doing and a pool to lay out by and hockey to watch. If he happens to spend his evenings sitting at the kitchen table with Kanye, Justin on the laptop screen in front of them, it’s nothing more than a coincidence.
-
Justin’s tour passes in a rush. Kanye takes him into the studio and Ryan sits on the couch fiddling with a notebook as he watches Kanye work. Sometimes Beyonce visits with Blue which is nice for Ryan, he likes that.
He lies down on the pink blanket Beyonce spreads on the floor for Blue, murmuring nonsense to the baby lying on his chest while Bey lays down a track Kanye’s been complaining about for weeks.
“Your godfather is cray,” Ryan says, laughing at his own joke. “Get it?” he asks, smiling down at Blue. “Cray.”
-
Justin asks them to pick him up from the airport Friday morning and they go, Ryan refusing to change out of his pajamas, sitting in the passenger seat of Kanye’s car, fiddling with the radio.
“You look ridiculous,” Kanye points out, shaking his head. “I thought we went over this.”
Ryan rolls his eyes, shifting back into the seat. “It’s not even 5am and you’re wearing fur.”
“Yeah,” says Kanye, “and I look great. You on the other hand...” Kanye trails off, reaching over for Ryan’s hand and lacing their fingers. “You’re lucky I go in public with you.”
Ryan can’t help but smile, looking over at Kanye briefly before training his eyes on the road. “I’m kind of nervous.”
Kanye turns into LAX, squeezing Ryan’s hand gently. “Don’t be. He’s going to love it.”
Ryan sighs, swallowing hard. “Okay.”
-
“This is intense, bro!” Justin exclaims, looking around the empty house. “Did you pay more than 12? I hope you didn’t let them highball you.”
Ryan snorts, resting his head on Kanye’s shoulder, looking over at Justin through half-lidded eyes. Ryan’s exhausted, but this is important.
Kanye shakes his head, wrapping an arm around Justin’s neck, pulling him into them. “Don’t worry about it. My money, my house.”
Justin laughs, shrugging. “I’m just looking out for you, dude.”
Kanye raises an eyebrow, hand coming to rest on Justin’s cheek. “How about you let someone look out for you for a change.”
Justin bites his lip, looking up at Kanye through thick lashes before darting his eyes to Ryan. “Yeah, okay.”
Kanye nods, “good ‘cause I already booked movers. They’ll be at your place on Thursday.”
Justin surges forward, pressing a kiss to Kanye’s lips, murmuring against them, “thanks.”
“Feeling a little left out over here,” whines Ryan, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Sorry,” Justin says, grinning before fitting his lips against Ryan’s.
