AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and discoveries
I think you truly know you are satisfied with life when your heart pounds thinking about death. When just the mere thought of not waking up to this beautiful planet anymore makes you sick to your stomach.
I felt that way a moment ago.
I am satisfied.
I think today I realized that I am not the conventional girl I once thought myself to be. Do I believe in promiscuity and experimentation with drugs? NO...but that doesn't make me a conventional housewife here. I was once BRAINWASHED into thinking that if I ever laid eyes on more than one boy I was a SLUT. I was taught by a family other than my own that women were different. Josh and his family tricked me into thinking that a "good" girl is one who does what her husband tells her, doesn't sleep around, and lives life as a Doctor of some sort. She also must have dinner on the table when the men return from school or from work.
But somehow I never quite BELIEVED all of that. I was just mesmerized I think by a lifestyle that I thought didn't exist in these times anymore. In my house, my mom runs the show--so I was taken aback by the fact that it was unheard of for a woman to be in charge at my boyfriend's house. And so, I experimented with that kind of a lifestyle for 3 years. A lifestyle where you fall in love, dress conservatively, keep your mouth shut, and plan things like marriage and family life.
I don't think I ever really wanted any of that. Somewhere, deep down I always felt there must be more to life than getting married and having kids. I was just in love with being in love.
Now? I think that I may NEVER want to get married. I am more of a liberal at heart. I don't believe it's wrong to have kids out of wedlock (whereas Josh's mom would CONSTANTLY push it into our brains that had Josh and I ever accidentally gotten pregnant, the child would NOT be her grandbaby). I don't believe it's wrong to sleep with more than one person in a lifetime. You NEED to shape yourself by experiencing others. And, of course I WANT kids--but is it so bad if you spend years with someone and then want to experience someone else? NO!
And so I am here to say that I don't care about social standards or what stupid conservatives think of me. As long as I don't cause pain to other human beings than I should still be considered a GOOD PERSON.
As long as I'm happy, I'll do whatever the FUCK I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!
I felt that way a moment ago.
I am satisfied.
I think today I realized that I am not the conventional girl I once thought myself to be. Do I believe in promiscuity and experimentation with drugs? NO...but that doesn't make me a conventional housewife here. I was once BRAINWASHED into thinking that if I ever laid eyes on more than one boy I was a SLUT. I was taught by a family other than my own that women were different. Josh and his family tricked me into thinking that a "good" girl is one who does what her husband tells her, doesn't sleep around, and lives life as a Doctor of some sort. She also must have dinner on the table when the men return from school or from work.
But somehow I never quite BELIEVED all of that. I was just mesmerized I think by a lifestyle that I thought didn't exist in these times anymore. In my house, my mom runs the show--so I was taken aback by the fact that it was unheard of for a woman to be in charge at my boyfriend's house. And so, I experimented with that kind of a lifestyle for 3 years. A lifestyle where you fall in love, dress conservatively, keep your mouth shut, and plan things like marriage and family life.
I don't think I ever really wanted any of that. Somewhere, deep down I always felt there must be more to life than getting married and having kids. I was just in love with being in love.
Now? I think that I may NEVER want to get married. I am more of a liberal at heart. I don't believe it's wrong to have kids out of wedlock (whereas Josh's mom would CONSTANTLY push it into our brains that had Josh and I ever accidentally gotten pregnant, the child would NOT be her grandbaby). I don't believe it's wrong to sleep with more than one person in a lifetime. You NEED to shape yourself by experiencing others. And, of course I WANT kids--but is it so bad if you spend years with someone and then want to experience someone else? NO!
And so I am here to say that I don't care about social standards or what stupid conservatives think of me. As long as I don't cause pain to other human beings than I should still be considered a GOOD PERSON.
As long as I'm happy, I'll do whatever the FUCK I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!