uuuuuuugggggghhhhhh
Ok, so here's what's going on:
I was on 7th Heaven on Tuesday. Nothing special. I was really looking forward to seeing Haylie Duff, ya know, to see if she was pretty in person, or if she was skinny, but it didn't happen. The extras were released before lunch, and the only person I was in a scene with was that dumb Ruthie girl. For the record, she is like 4'10" and really really really immature. She totally took for granted what she gets to do everyday. I did not like her.
I had my audition today, and I totally feel like I blew it. I left there in the worst mood, feeling like such a failure. I mean, they didn't tell me I DIDN'T get a callback, but I just don't feel confident about my performance. I think the thing that made me falter was the fact that I had to pretend to be smoking a joint. Ha, can you believe it? Who would have known...
Anyway, that is what ruined me, the fact that I'm NOT a druggie. I skipped going to the gym and went home and sulked in bed for awhile. But then, I realized that I HAVE to get used to rejection. This is going to happen hundreds upon hundreds of times over the years, and I am going to have to get used to it. I mean, Oscar winners like Charlize Theron was shot down a million times and the same goes for Jennifer Aniston, and the rest of the stars of today. I just have to persevere. I'm not going to lie though, and pretend I don't feel affected by it. It's hard, and I have only been turned down once! Now I know what everyone talks about when they say they can't handle it--this is what it is. But, I have faced worse. I have handled worse. I have felt lower. Josh used to drag me up his basement stairs by my hair. What's more degrading, the fact that I was once dragged by my hair and stayed in the relationship, or the fact that I was turned down for a role? Yeah, I think it's option 1...
One major thing that makes me feel good is listening to Madonna's new album. Seriously, it's the best album she has done in years. I am so proud! It's amazing because it's all dance, and each song transitions into the next without ever stopping, so in turn u never have to stop dancing! Anyway, in this one song, "How High," the lyrics go: "It's funny; I spent my whole life wanting to be talked about; I DID IT; just about everything to see my name in lights." And she just like screams out I DID IT, as if to say, "HAHA FUCK EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER DO IT!" And everytime I hear it I just get butterflies. That is what I want, to prove everyone wrong. To live out my dreams.
Well, I have a meeting with my career consultant tomorrow morning. Until later...
I was on 7th Heaven on Tuesday. Nothing special. I was really looking forward to seeing Haylie Duff, ya know, to see if she was pretty in person, or if she was skinny, but it didn't happen. The extras were released before lunch, and the only person I was in a scene with was that dumb Ruthie girl. For the record, she is like 4'10" and really really really immature. She totally took for granted what she gets to do everyday. I did not like her.
I had my audition today, and I totally feel like I blew it. I left there in the worst mood, feeling like such a failure. I mean, they didn't tell me I DIDN'T get a callback, but I just don't feel confident about my performance. I think the thing that made me falter was the fact that I had to pretend to be smoking a joint. Ha, can you believe it? Who would have known...
Anyway, that is what ruined me, the fact that I'm NOT a druggie. I skipped going to the gym and went home and sulked in bed for awhile. But then, I realized that I HAVE to get used to rejection. This is going to happen hundreds upon hundreds of times over the years, and I am going to have to get used to it. I mean, Oscar winners like Charlize Theron was shot down a million times and the same goes for Jennifer Aniston, and the rest of the stars of today. I just have to persevere. I'm not going to lie though, and pretend I don't feel affected by it. It's hard, and I have only been turned down once! Now I know what everyone talks about when they say they can't handle it--this is what it is. But, I have faced worse. I have handled worse. I have felt lower. Josh used to drag me up his basement stairs by my hair. What's more degrading, the fact that I was once dragged by my hair and stayed in the relationship, or the fact that I was turned down for a role? Yeah, I think it's option 1...
One major thing that makes me feel good is listening to Madonna's new album. Seriously, it's the best album she has done in years. I am so proud! It's amazing because it's all dance, and each song transitions into the next without ever stopping, so in turn u never have to stop dancing! Anyway, in this one song, "How High," the lyrics go: "It's funny; I spent my whole life wanting to be talked about; I DID IT; just about everything to see my name in lights." And she just like screams out I DID IT, as if to say, "HAHA FUCK EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER DO IT!" And everytime I hear it I just get butterflies. That is what I want, to prove everyone wrong. To live out my dreams.
Well, I have a meeting with my career consultant tomorrow morning. Until later...