"Yesterday"
"Yesterday" - The Beatles
Suddenly that song has so much meaning to me. I hate it. I liked it better when it was just a song and i couldnt relate to it at all, in anyway. But now, that unfortunetly changed.
I hate it here. I want to move, or leave, or whatever. I just need to get out. Im so held back and trapped. I cant take it anymore. I loong for the day I move away to go to college. I want a world full of opportunities and one thats not filled with chances for more heartbreak. Oh well, I guess im stuck in S-burg for a couple more years.
Ever since i was little i wanted to be that sexy, fancy girl. Ive tried so hard to be it. Unfortunetly, i have neither the body or the budget to wear those fancy, sexy girl clothes. I always knew the right table manners and all the fancy places around Chicago. Ive been there, ive eaten the expensive meal and drank the high priced drinks. I love that life. But now, Im beginning to think maybe its time to put away the champagne glasses and the bottle of Chanel. Maybe i need a little fun. Maybe i should eat with my elbows on the table and not be afraid to go out naked face (no makeup). I love the fancy girl life, dont get me wrong. But Im just starting to think that maybe i should not be afraid to have a little fun. I want that. I want fun. I want to be able to go out at night and have a blast with a guy without being drunk or whatever. I wanna be able to run around in a sprinkler or something and have fun with the simple pleasures of life again. Lord knows i never let myself do it as a child. I want to have fun. I want to break free. I just need someone to show me the way. This is when i need to stop being my independent self and i need to find my significant other.
I can say it, and i can wish it, and i can write about it but i know, deep down, it wont happen. And that makes me sadder than anything else. The fact that I wont have an actual "relationship" anytime soon. Because im the girl who is only good for the late night hook-ups. No one looks at me as the girl full of thought and longing for romance because they are too busy calling me a slut and a hoe when that is not true. When someone even jokingly calls me that it hits me deep because i hate those words and i hate the people that call me them.
And so it comes back to the quote from my idol, Marilyn Monroe...
"Sure i do good, but im no angel. I sin, but im no devil. Im just a small girl in a big world lookin for somebody to love."
It always comes back to that.
So, i guess ive just wasted my time because chances are, no one is even reading this. But ya know, i dont even care because at least im proving a point to myself. At least i can be adult enough to admit that this is how things are going to be, and im just going to have to learn to live with it, just like i have everything else. So, dont you worry about me. I move on.
Suddenly that song has so much meaning to me. I hate it. I liked it better when it was just a song and i couldnt relate to it at all, in anyway. But now, that unfortunetly changed.
I hate it here. I want to move, or leave, or whatever. I just need to get out. Im so held back and trapped. I cant take it anymore. I loong for the day I move away to go to college. I want a world full of opportunities and one thats not filled with chances for more heartbreak. Oh well, I guess im stuck in S-burg for a couple more years.
Ever since i was little i wanted to be that sexy, fancy girl. Ive tried so hard to be it. Unfortunetly, i have neither the body or the budget to wear those fancy, sexy girl clothes. I always knew the right table manners and all the fancy places around Chicago. Ive been there, ive eaten the expensive meal and drank the high priced drinks. I love that life. But now, Im beginning to think maybe its time to put away the champagne glasses and the bottle of Chanel. Maybe i need a little fun. Maybe i should eat with my elbows on the table and not be afraid to go out naked face (no makeup). I love the fancy girl life, dont get me wrong. But Im just starting to think that maybe i should not be afraid to have a little fun. I want that. I want fun. I want to be able to go out at night and have a blast with a guy without being drunk or whatever. I wanna be able to run around in a sprinkler or something and have fun with the simple pleasures of life again. Lord knows i never let myself do it as a child. I want to have fun. I want to break free. I just need someone to show me the way. This is when i need to stop being my independent self and i need to find my significant other.
I can say it, and i can wish it, and i can write about it but i know, deep down, it wont happen. And that makes me sadder than anything else. The fact that I wont have an actual "relationship" anytime soon. Because im the girl who is only good for the late night hook-ups. No one looks at me as the girl full of thought and longing for romance because they are too busy calling me a slut and a hoe when that is not true. When someone even jokingly calls me that it hits me deep because i hate those words and i hate the people that call me them.
And so it comes back to the quote from my idol, Marilyn Monroe...
"Sure i do good, but im no angel. I sin, but im no devil. Im just a small girl in a big world lookin for somebody to love."
It always comes back to that.
So, i guess ive just wasted my time because chances are, no one is even reading this. But ya know, i dont even care because at least im proving a point to myself. At least i can be adult enough to admit that this is how things are going to be, and im just going to have to learn to live with it, just like i have everything else. So, dont you worry about me. I move on.