(no subject)
things just not working out is getting on my nerves. with jobs, with opportunities and especially boys (STILL. how pathetic). but how do things not work out? how do you spend three weeks hanging out with somebody all the time and then they just kinda fall away but you still care? how does that happen? how does it happen that you're always second best ALWAYS and you look at that other girl and you think, how? what does she have over me? yes im crazy and emotional but im not horrible. some of these girls are bitches and a mess and just treat their men so down, is that what people want? cause im pretty sure if it was, and i tried it, they wouldn't want that anymore. and is it so wrong for somebody to fess up to their mistakes? is it that hard? like i would expect myself to get angry with somebody who spent at least a month flirting with me and liking me and FINALLY i reciprocate and say i like him back and things start happening and then all the sudden it ends without any warning, yeah i feel justified in being mad about it and saying mean things. but how do people get off pinning that on the other person? how is that my fault? you can't just say sorry and take what i say and leave it. no you switch it all around and bring up things you don't even know about and say that im a crybaby and what he did to me wasn't that bad. you have no idea. don't talk to me about shit you don't even know about. i don't care what ricky says you weren't there. and you don't know. and after all this time, i still want you to tell me youre sorry. text me, write me, im me, call me, and just say youre sorry and you know what you did was wrong. and yeah sometimes i wish i could still hear your voice and i think back and wonder how did i even think we were friends? we weren't. i just did shit for you but you would have denied me in a heartbeat. so that's stupid. but i like to dream that maybe it wasn't and all this wasn't stupid. but it was. and i still want you to say youre sorry. and i still want to see you. and part of me wants to be beautiful for you and make you want me, and part of me wants to go crazy on you and part of me wants to walk right by.
i wish my name would be put on the registry so i could work. but now im left with 8 weeks to work im gonna have to work for 60hours a week just to get enough money to go back to school and be comfortable, how stupid was this idea.
im such a complainer, i just got to thinking about all this today and how much it weighs on me. but in the scheme of things im happy. this is just me being stupid.