thoughts i wish you knew i was thinking.

[lookarobot]

i'm sorry
and when i say that
i'm saying it from the heart.
i did you terribly wrong. i really shouldn't wish to be someone else, because i will be who i am and you will be who you are and it simply wasn't meant to be. but i still want you to know that i'm sorry. i still want you to know that i want to take back everything that i said and that i didn't mean it when i said i hate you and i meant it when i said i love you. it's an intricate contradiction though. i can't begin to explain how i feel about you. but i wish you could know. i wish you were here, in a way. yet i'm sort of glad you're not. i want to say that i've found out who i really truly love now. go ahead, pity him. i feel like i'm going to be dragging him into some horrible mess. and i'm probably right to say that. i just want to say i'm sorry. you don't have to forgive me. don't you dare feel like you should. i know you, you wouldn't say it unless you meant it anyway. that's one of the things i liked about you so much yet at the same time it was one of the things that drove me so far away from you. yet again, one of those intricate contradictions.

honestly,
you were never a light in my dark.
you never made my burden lighter.
you never made me feel complete.
you never made me feel completely right.
you never made me feel so comfortable.
you never made me feel honestly loved.

but you made me feel something
i just wish i knew what it was.