(no subject)
I was just reflecting on everything I heard about the retreat this weekend and it really made me realize that not having a camp experience is the only thing I regret about my childhood. Anyone who has talked to me about my childhood knows that I think quite highly of it. In many respects, I believe it was as perfect as a childhood can possibly be. Honestly, there was the familial cul-de-sac of children, just enough mischief mixed with day to day drama and chaotic, spontaneous insanity. However, one thing I never wanted to experience was camp. Distressed with separation anxiety, I never sought to leave home and spend time with myriad strangers. My parents were never ones to insist on something of that nature, so in turn it never happened.
Now as I look back upon 18 almost 19 years of life, I wish at least once I would have experienced the phenomenon of transient friendship and emotional trust on a large scale. I've been blessed to have close friends I could confide in all throughout my life. That is no small feat, in fact, I am infinitely grateful for everyone. However, something sounds alluring about camp mentality. Sitting up telling bedtime stories, eating sub-par grub, and sleeping on dilapidated mattresses with mosquitoes and myriad viruses buzzing around. I want memories of giddily sharing life stories under the surreal veil of a dark room. Late-night whispers between two friends and the excitement of a fresh crush or rumor of a inter-counselor hookup. Where are my memories of sitting and crying with a group of people, tears evaporating off my face because of the fire nearby? I will never experience these memories and so they will FOREVER remain in a state of imagination.
It sure is strange to think of forever. Oh well, it's just a thought. All the lifeskills kids got my mind looking for comparison. I'm starting to think the only reason anyone does anything is to please or impress those of the desired gender.
P.S: Outdoor Ed in 5th grade was a lifechanging experience for me and I vowed (i have it written down) to be a counselor when I was a senior. HA. My 5th grade self would kick my ass if it saw what i've become.
Now as I look back upon 18 almost 19 years of life, I wish at least once I would have experienced the phenomenon of transient friendship and emotional trust on a large scale. I've been blessed to have close friends I could confide in all throughout my life. That is no small feat, in fact, I am infinitely grateful for everyone. However, something sounds alluring about camp mentality. Sitting up telling bedtime stories, eating sub-par grub, and sleeping on dilapidated mattresses with mosquitoes and myriad viruses buzzing around. I want memories of giddily sharing life stories under the surreal veil of a dark room. Late-night whispers between two friends and the excitement of a fresh crush or rumor of a inter-counselor hookup. Where are my memories of sitting and crying with a group of people, tears evaporating off my face because of the fire nearby? I will never experience these memories and so they will FOREVER remain in a state of imagination.
It sure is strange to think of forever. Oh well, it's just a thought. All the lifeskills kids got my mind looking for comparison. I'm starting to think the only reason anyone does anything is to please or impress those of the desired gender.
P.S: Outdoor Ed in 5th grade was a lifechanging experience for me and I vowed (i have it written down) to be a counselor when I was a senior. HA. My 5th grade self would kick my ass if it saw what i've become.