(Untitled)
itp: I will be comment-spamming HIMYM J2 for bekkis. IT WILL NOT BE AS AWESOME AS THIS CONCEPT DESERVES, BUT HOPEFULLY WILL SATISFY THE ITCH UNTIL SOMEONE DOES IT PROPERLY.
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OVER. I AM NOT A WINNER.
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OVER. I AM NOT A WINNER.
It's really not a big deal, after all. He and Jensen had sex. Once. Well, one night. Several times within that night, depending on how you count, but whatever. On only one occasion.
Whatever.
The problem is that because it's Jensen--who is his wingman, and friend, and kind of his favorite person (as a bro, clearly) in the world--so he thinks it should be different from any other one-night stand.
He just needs to have sex with Jensen again. And then it will be completely out of his system, because who needs sex more than twice with anyone? Boring, married people, that's who.
Of course, then Misha finds out.
Really, Misha shouldn't care, because Misha has a new girlfriend. And it's hard to really figure out what the bro code's policy is in re: bros who are also hos. Jared will be the first to admit he did not design the code thinking about someday hooking up with Jensen.
"I can't believe this!" says Misha.
"It was an accident," says Jared, which is true. He hadn't planned on fucking Jensen. Bad Canadian music just does something to him, apparently. Down there.
"I thought," says Misha, in this kind of weird, calm voice that Jared really hates, "that was the one thing I'd never have to worry about from you. Jesus, Jared! I thought you were fucking loyal."
Jared wants to tell him it'll never happen again. He wants to say he's sorry.
But he doesn't mean either of those things, and the words die in his throat.
"Yeah," says Misha. "That's what I thought."
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But the thing is--Jared loves his friends. He's loyal, and he's actually kind of needy, and kind of crazy, and being separated from everyone because Misha is mad at him is almost the worst thing he can imagine.
"Hey," says Jensen, sitting down next to him.
Jared is telling himself, very firmly, that the only reason he wants to kiss Jensen is that he's been so lonely.
"Hey," says Jared. "How come you're not getting shunned?"
Jensen raises his eyebrows. "Maybe I am."
Jared just rolls his eyes.
"Okay, I'm not," Jensen admits. He leans back and looks up at the ceiling. "I'm not the one who goes on and on about bros forever and how nothing is more important that the friendship. Besides, I'm ex first, friend second. He's never going to like me hooking up with people."
Jared groans and rests his head on the bar.
"Did you tell him you're sorry?"
Jared doesn't respond.
"I told him it was a mistake."
"Did you tell him you were sorry?"
"He's not mad at me," says Jensen, which doesn't answer Jared's question--neither the one he asked, nor the one he really wants the answer to. "I thought you'd be moping."
"I'm not moping."
"There are five hot guys you could fuck in this bar right now," says Jensen. "You're moping."
"Are you one of them?" asks Jared, before he can think better of it.
Jesus, he is so off his game.
"Jared," says Jensen, which is still not an answer.
Jared sighs. "Shut up. I know."
Jensen pats his back. "He misses you too."
Just that one stupid touch has Jared wanting more. He needs a plan, and fucking soon.
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Step two is somehow convincing Misha that it's okay if he fucks Jensen again. Because step three is fucking Jensen out of his system.
Luckily for Jared, Misha also gets engaged, which, as far as Jared's concerned, should mean he doesn't care what happens between Jared and Jensen. After all, marriage was the ultimate "you don't have any say in who your ex has sex with." As far as Jared's concerned.
Unluckily for Jared, part of Misha's forgiveness plan involves group yoga.
Misha is kind of crazy with the yoga. He had all these plans to be a big, successful, douchey architect, and then instead of actually doing it, he decided his calling was yoga instructor, because this girl he dated before Jensen told him he had a perfect chi.
And Misha gets, like, psychic when he does yoga. He calls it "seeing auras." Jared calls it creepy and weird.
So he really shouldn't be surprised when, in their second yoga sessions, Misha's eyes snap open and he says, "Holy shit, you're in love with Jensen."
"What?" asks Jared. "No. What?"
"You are," says Misha. "You're so in love with Jensen."
"I am not. I hate dating, and marriage, and brunch," he says.
"Those aren't love, Jared," Misha points out. "They're one type of relationship."
"He's just really good in the sack," mutters Jared.
"Your aura doesn't lie."
"My aura is horny," says Jared. "It thinks you look good."
The lie sounds weak, even to him. And Jared is fucking awesome at lying to himself.
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"Don't think I like you enough that I won't risk getting your blood on my suit," Jared grumbles.
"Jared's in love!" says Aldis.
"I don't even like you as much as her."
"That's just mean," says Aldis. "Why you gotta be like that?"
"You stole my best friend," says Jared morosely.
"One, I knew him first. Two, you just slept with his ex, so any losing you're doing? Your own fault. But he's kind of a romantic, so now you're in love he thinks it's sweet."
"I'm not in love with Jensen," says Jared. He feels like he's five again, and protesting his bedtime. "I hooked up with a Swedish masseuse yesterday. I barely remember Jensen's last name."
"Do you remember the Swedish masseuse's first name?" asks Danneel.
"Lars," says Jared. "Duh."
Of course, that's when Jensen comes in with a guy, some big, musclebound hunk who, well. He's not as big or as musclebound as Jared, but Jensen is laughing and holding this guy's arm, and Jared feels every inch of his body go mine!
"Fuck," says Jared.
"He's in love," says Danneel happily.
"He's adorable," agrees Aldis.
"What's wrong with Jared?" he hears Jensen ask.
"Bad hangover," says Danneel promptly.
"Walk it off, Padalecki," says Jensen. "Tom, this is the guys. Guys, this is Tom."
Jared was kind of hoping that Danneel and Aldis would greet this newcomer with hate and hostility, for his sake, but of course they don't.'
Jerks.
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Or, rather, it clearly is, and he needs to fuck him out with other people.
So, as Danneel puts it, he steps his manwhore up to eleven.
It's not the best system ever, because "haaaave you met me?" is not the world's best pickup line, but Misha is engaged, Aldis and Danneel are married, and Jensen is not only with Tom but the cause of all his problems, so Jared has no choice but to be his own wingman.
He gets laid, of course. Jared oozes charm, and his incredible body and stunning good looks make up for a lot of minor issues, like not having a wingman and being repeatedly distracted by thoughts of green eyes and smile lines.
So, yeah. Jared's life? Awesome.
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Not completely, of course--there are a lot of gay guys in the world, but he runs out of ones who come to Maclaren's, and actually ends up repeat hitting on a guy who he already slept with, which is always embarrassing.
And the bitch of it is, he's still thinking about Jensen. And Jensen's still dating Tom, who, from what Jared can tell, has no personality. Not that Jared has given him much of a chance, but if Tom can't force his personality upon Jared, he's clearly not good enough for Jensen anyway.
"You could tell him," says Danneel.
"Danny," says Jared, shaking his head. "You know better."
She rests her head on his shoulder. "I think you'd be good together."
It's amazing how good it makes Jared feel, hearing her say that.
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"You know," he says, to the blond guy at the bar, "my ship is leaving in two hours, and I don't know when I'll next be able to ask this, or the next time you'll be allowed to talk about it."
The guy turns, and Jared realizes he is hitting on mother-fucking Neil Patrick Harris. Which is actually kind of a life-long dream, because what self-respecting gay guy doesn't want to hit on Neil Patrick Harris? Even if he is taken.
Neil Patrick Harris looks him up and down. "That was weak."
"Yeah, um," Jared manages. "Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Harris. I didn't know it was you. I haven't exactly been bringing my A-game recently."
"Well," says Neil Patrick Harris, "sit down, call me Neil, and tell me all about it."
Which is how Jared ends up confessing, to Neil Patrick Harris, over martinis, that he is actually in love with my best friend's ex.
"I didn't want to be," he says. "I didn't try to. He's just--he gets me. He plays laser tag with me. He likes my stupid stories. Sometimes we would just hang out and come up with ridiculous wingman stories. And then I slept with him and fucked everything up, and he has a boyfriend. And I just want to go back to how I was, awesome and alone and not going out back and breaking TVs whenever I see him and his boyfriend."
"Look, Jared," says Neil Patrick Harris consolingly. "You have to tell him. You owe that to him, and you owe that to you."
"Thank you," says Jared. "You are a God among men, Neil Patrick Harris."
"I know."
"Do you want to make out? Just a little? It's a life-long dream."
"No," says Neil Patrick Harris.
Jared sighs. "Yeah, okay."
"Now go get him."
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All his friends call him on his shit, and he's never minded, and he just--he likes Jensen more than anything.
It's terrifying, but Neil Patrick Harris is on his side, and that counts for a lot.
When Jensen opens his door, he doesn't look surprised. He just says, "Hey."
"Is Tom here?" asks Jared.
"We broke up," says Jensen.
"When?"
"Somewhere in the middle of your bid to sleep with every gay guy in Manhattan."
"That's the last five years of my life," says Jared dismissively.
Jensen laughs. It's slightly awkward, and Jared's heart falls.
"Danneel told you," he says.
"Told me what?" asks Jensen, but Jared doesn't buy it. He just stares at Jensen. "Yeah," he admits. "She told me."
"And?" says Jared.
"And I want your side."
"Yeah, that's what I was afraid of."
Jensen just leans on the door frame.
The first time Jared met Jensen, Misha was already in love with him, and he was already off-limits. He was always too hot for Misha and too interesting for Misha, because Jared loves Misha, he does, but Misha wants a house in the suburbs and 2.5 kids and to write love poems for Valentine's Day.
And Jensen is Jensen.
"I don't want to get married," says Jared. "I don't want to be like Aldis and Danneel, or like Misha."
"Clearly," says Jensen.
Jared sighs. "Can I just kiss you?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because your suffering is hilarious."
And suddenly, it's easy, because it's Jensen. "Jesus, I don't know why I like you," he says, and kisses him anyway.
"I was gonna Collins you," Jensen says, between kisses. "Scare you off."
Jared smiles into Jensen's lips. "But you didn't."
"This is hilarious," says Jensen.
"You're a jerk, Ackles. Don't know why I like you."
"Don't know why I like you either," says Jensen, and Jared laughs.
"I almost scored with Neil Patrick Harris," he says. "That's what I gave up tonight."
Jensen just laughs. "He would have shot you down so fast."
Jared scowls half-heartedly. "Shut up."
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"Because your suffering is hilarious."
Golden.
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Danneel/Aldis is my new OTP! I just find them beyond adorable together!
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