(no subject)
WHAT IS MY LIFE why are you being such a bitch internet/phone/world WHATEVER I HAVE A CAT
wow this does not look at all like the start of a fanfic entry
ANYWAY I have no home net atm but I wrote this fic which I am posting because I don't like having it, like, haunting my computer. THIS WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER I HOPE sob what life what why
Never Been Called a Lovely Person
Jared/Jensen AU, R, 6000ish words.
Jared Padalecki's life got fucked up the day he met Jensen Ackles.
He didn't realize just how fucked up at the time; yeah, he'd realized he was in deep shit because Jensen was clearly hot and funny and straight, which was a combination Jared felt far too familiar with, but he hadn't known that Jensen would stick around, that the two of them would stick around each other, become friends, and actually stay together once Milo's old lease ran out.
Jensen is hands-down the best roommate Jared has ever had, despite being infuriatingly straight and the smoothest asshole ever to walk the earth. Jared used to be a boy scout kind of guy, and always had the same kind of friends before he moved to L.A. Their idea of an exciting weekend was volunteering to pick up the park or doing a walk for hunger or something.
He met Milo on Craigslist when he was looking for a roommate, and Milo drank like a fish and ate like a pig, and decided about halfway through the year that he needed to travel to Europe to find himself with a girl who was named either Candi or Kristi or Wandi. Wandi isn't even a name, and Jared thinks she might have been a man for a while. But, whatever, Milo said Jared could keep living in the place, and even gave him Jensen for a roommate, and Jared will forever kind of love Milo Ventimiglia for that one.
Jensen drinks imported beer that he doesn't buy and chain smokes cigarettes on the balcony at night. He's kind of in a band, in the sense that he plays guitar and sings with a couple of other guys who play other instruments and sing, but they never play anywhere particularly exciting, and they barely even have a name. The closest they've come to having a gig is that one time that they set up their equipment in the alley next to Jared and Jensen's apartment and played until Mr. Gibrali next door called the police, and they managed to throw everything in basement storage before anyone actually got arrested. But Jensen's the kind of guy who can say he's in a band and people buy it.
Jared's so in love with him he can't see straight, which is stupid for a lot of reasons, including the way Jensen fucks anything with tits that moves. As far as Jared knows, he never fucks guys, but Jensen is at least considerate enough to not bring anyone home, so he's not actually sure.
The day Jared decides his life is well and truly fucked is a Wednesday. Jared wakes up every day at six-thirty, goes for a run, takes a shower, eats a healthy breakfast, and then drives to work at the ASPCA. Jensen stumbles out of bed anywhere between seven and nine-thirty, drinks at least five cups of coffee, smokes three cigarettes, and ends up at work at his friend/bandmate's record store to open up by around 9:45. Jared has actually seen Jensen complete this entire process in five minutes, and it was hands down the scariest experience of his life.
On this particular Wednesday, Jensen does not do that. This Wednesday, Jensen is awake and drinking his coffee (Jared guesses around cup number four, from how alert Jensen seems) when Jared gets out of the shower. He's wearing a clean shirt and jeans, and his hair is somewhat presentable. He hasn't put in his contacts, and he looks much more responsible like that. And a lot hotter. Jared's always surprised that when he sees Jensen looking put together and polished, he just wants to mess him up again. He always thinks the novelty should kill his horniness a little.
"Are you due in court or something?" asks Jared.
"I think we should get a dog," says Jensen.
Jared pours himself some coffee. "What?"
Jensen shrugs. "You like dogs. I like dogs. So we should have a dog."
Jared loves dogs, but he still feels Jensen's logic is a little lacking. "When did you decide this?"
Jensen shrugs again. "You don't want one?"
"You're going to feed it pizza and try to use it to pick up chicks."
"And you're gonna feed it really expensive designer dog food and take it for long walks on the beach and give it all the love you wish you were giving to a girlfriend," Jensen shoots back, pouring himself another cup of coffee. "So what?"
"So I don't get it."
Jensen just stares at him. "You want a dog or not?"
"I want a dog," Jared admits.
"So give me a ride out to the ASPCA and we'll find us one."
Jared's been talking about this one dog non-stop for months, and it doesn't occur to him that maybe Jensen got tired of his mooning and decided they should just take the damn thing. That hadn't been Jared's intention or anything, he just thought Sadie was a beautiful animal who needed a lot of love, and he was worried no one would ever take her.
But when they arrive, Jensen says, "So where's the wonder-mutt?"
Jared's mouth moves a little, but words don't come out. Finally, he manages, "Sadie?"
Jensen raises his eyebrow. "The one you're always creaming yourself over, yeah."
"Sadie," says Jared, more firmly.
"Yeah, that one."
"She's right over here," says Jared, leading Jensen over to the dog area. Danneel's in there giving Tubby his breakfast, and she grins and waves when she sees him.
"Morning, Jared!"
"Hey, Danneel," he says, grinning. "This is my roommate."
Danneel looks surprised. "You're Jensen?"
Jared turns to look at Jensen, and he's not surprised to see Jensen's flirty, panty-dropping smile, but his heart plummets anyway. Danneel is new to the shelter, stunningly beautiful, and she seems so sweet, Jensen could probably eat her for breakfast. In fact, judging from Jensen's expression, he wants to do just that.
"I'm Jensen," he says, shaking her hand. "It's great to meet you."
"You too," says Danneel enthusiastically. "Jared talks about you all the time."
Jared flushes, but Jensen just laughs. "Yeah, he can't get enough of me."
"So what brings you down here?" she asks.
"We really want a dog," says Jensen. "Jared's always telling me about all the poor animals in need of homes here, and I really wanted to, you know, do my part. We've got the room, we should share the wealth."
He's got this earnest, genuine expression on his face, like he really cares about the plight of homeless animals and starving children in Ethiopia. Jared kind of wants to punch him.
"Oh my god," says Danneel, looking delighted, "are you guys going to take Sadie?"
"That's the plan," says Jensen, smiling his aww-shucks smile. Jared wishes he hadn't named every one of Jensen's smiles. It makes him feel even more pathetic.
"I'll go get her," says Danneel.
"Thanks," says Jared. "Jensen should really meet her before we make up our minds."
Danneel nods. "Absolutely."
As soon as she goes, Jensen elbows Jared in the side.
"Ow, Jesus, what?"
"Why are you not hitting that?" asks Jensen. "Have I taught you nothing?"
After a year, Jared knows it's lame to have not told his roommate he's gay. But Jensen prides himself on being an excellent wingman, and Jared's not sure anything would be worse than having Jensen try to set him up with other guys.
God, he needs to get over this.
"Whatever," Jensen continues. "If you don't want her, I'll take her."
"Like she'd have you," says Jared breezily.
Jensen looks poised to retort, but Danneel comes back in with Sadie, who bounds over to Jared happily and starts sniffing his legs.
"Holy shit that's a huge dog," says Jensen, looking kind of terrified.
"She's harmless," says Jared, rubbing behind her ears. "Sadie, meet Jensen."
Jensen seems to think Sadie is going to unhinge her jaw and consume him whole, but he still manages to hold out her hand to her. Sadie sniffs it and then licks him, and Jensen relaxes slightly.
"Hey, girl," he says quietly, and Jensen is very rarely gentle; the sound of affection in his voice makes Jared's heart ache a little.
"I think she likes you," says Danneel, as Jensen tries petting Sadie's head. Sadie bumps up against him enthusiastically. She's a great dog, abandoned by stupid owners who didn't want such large pet, and she's beyond attention-starved after a few months on the streets. Jared's heart has been breaking for her.
"Yeah," says Jensen, smiling softly. "She's a real keeper, Jared," he says, glancing up. The warmth is still in his eyes and Jared is so screwed, because--Jensen's never had a girlfriend in the last year, never dated anyone for more than a couple nights at a time, and all Jared wants to do is crawl in close and make a fucking family with him. "You want her?"
"Of course I want her, moron," says Jared, grinning. "Like you have to ask."
"She's barely gonna fit in our apartment," says Jensen. He glances over at Danneel. "What do we have to do to make her ours?"
"I think Jared can take you through the process. He's done it enough before."
"He can't do the paperwork for his own dog," scoffs Jensen. "Why don't you do it?" he says, with a smile Jared recognizes from going out with Jensen. Once, it got a girl in the bathroom with Jensen in two minutes flat. Misha timed it.
"Okay," Danneel giggles. "I'll help you guys out. Are you taking the day off, Jared?"
Jared glances at Jensen and Sadie; Jensen's kneeling down and Sadie's licking his face.
"Yeah, we'd better get her settled in, I guess."
In the car, Sadie sticks her head out the window, and Jared tries not to feel overwhelmingly domestic and stupid.
"So, did you just not want to be alone today or something?" asks Jared.
Jensen is staring out the window, looking thoughtful.
"That Danneel girl," Jensen finally says, "you really never . . . ?"
"Me and Danneel?" asks Jared. "Nope."
Jensen snorts. "You're a tool, man."
"She's not my type."
"You think she'd go for me?"
Jared snorts. "Danneel? Dude, she works at the ASPCA. She volunteers at the hospital on weekends." He's not sure she does, but she seems like the type.
Jensen huffs. "So?"
"So, she's not a one-night stand kind of girl. She probably wants to get married."
"Right now?"
"No, but--"
"I date," says Jensen.
"When?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I live with you and I've never seen you go out on a real date."
"If I was on a real date, you wouldn't be there," Jensen points out. "Unless it was a double date, and those are lame."
"Okay, when was your last date?"
Jensen turns back to the window. "So I'm not good enough for your coworkers?"
Jared really likes Danneel. She's good to work with, nice, funny. The idea of her and Jensen dating makes him want to vomit. But Jensen actually sounds hurt, and that almost never happens. Jared can't bear the idea that it's his fault.
"I just--I didn't think she was your type."
"Great body, nice tits, killer smile?" says Jensen. "What part of that isn't my type?"
Normally Jared would make a joke, but Jensen still seems kind of hurt about it, and Jared feels bad for insulting him. Even if Jensen actually is kind of a slut.
"You really like her?"
"I really want to get to know her."
Jared sighs. "I'll tell her."
Jensen grins. "Thanks, man."
And that, right there--that's the moment Jared is fucked.
*
Sadie tears around their apartment, finally settling down to chew on one of Jensen's shoes.
"Fuck," Jensen says, shaking his head. "I liked that one."
"No way you're getting that back," says Jared cheerfully.
"Your stupid dog," says Jensen, voice full of fondness.
Jared hates his life.
"Whenever she does something you don't like she's gonna be my dog, isn't she?"
"Course," says Jensen. "You're the one who wanted her."
"It was your idea."
"You were practically salivating over that dog for months. I can take a hint, man."
"I wasn't hinting," Jared protests.
Jensen laughs. "Whatever. Hook me up with Danneel and I'll let it go."
"You know I'm not a fairy godmother, right?"
"Really? Cuz you look just like one."
"Watch out, I'll tell Danneel you fart at night."
"You told Danneel I'm amazing. She heard all about me," Jensen says smugly.
It's true, is the saddest part. Jared doesn't mean to talk about Jensen all the time, but he has trouble. He's always been like this, the most obvious crusher in the world, ever since seventh grade and not being able to shut up about Ricky Plymouth. Jared is pretty sure the most embarrassing way to discover that you're gay is to have your mother sit you down at age thirteen and tell you that she loves you no matter what, but you probably shouldn't be so obvious about that boy you have a crush on, because Texas isn't as liberal as all that.
"Shut up," Jared mutters, blushing dark.
"I can't believe she's not your type," says Jensen, shaking his head.
Jared shrugs. "We wouldn't be good."
Jensen gives him a measured look. "Dating isn't marriage, you know. When was the last time you had a girlfriend?"
"I date," Jared protests. He's never had a girlfriend in his life, in fact, but he's not telling Jensen that.
"Yeah, in the traditional way, when I'm not around. And I still believe you do it."
"Fine, you date. And you want to date Danneel. I'll see what I can do."
"Tell her I have a monster dick," says Jensen.
Jared absolutely doesn't think about that. He absolutely doesn't think about it later that night when he's jerking off either. He's not that lame.
*
Jared goes out with a guy named Bill on Thursday. Jensen teases him for doing a date on Thursday, because apparently now Thursday dates mean you're evaluating whether or not you want to sleep with the guy over the weekend. Well, Jensen actually presents it as the girl doing it, but he makes fun of Jared for getting evaluated, or something. Either way, Jensen absolutely doesn't respect that Jared has a Thursday night date.
Jared doesn't really respect it either. He's not really sure why he's going out with Bill in the first place--he's kind of cute, a nice guy, but Jared is, at this point, really totally in love with Jensen, so no one else is doing it for him. Ever.
"I was thinking we could grab dinner first," says Bill. He's a friend of a friend--Jared's pretty glad he and Jensen don't really have a lot of friends in common, because he wouldn't be able to stay in the closet. Especially because most of them have figured out that Jared is in love with his roommate.
"And then," Bill continues, "a walk through the park."
A few years ago, he would have been just Jared's type.
These days, he mostly goes to bars and throws up on Jensen's shoes.
"That sounds great," he lies.
"I guess I'm not big on the party scene," says Bill, looking down and laughing a little. "Kristen said you weren't either."
Jared went to college with Kristen; back then, he'd been pretty green, not a big smoker, not a big drinker, trying to make his mama proud. Once he started living with Jensen he discovered that alcohol was awesome and he was pretty much a fan, and he didn't really know how to break this to most of his friends. He generally ends up claiming he's going to book club and then, well, throwing up on Jensen's shoes.
Jensen's shoes take a fucking beating.
"Yeah, no," says Jared. "That sounds perfect."
Bill smiles. He's got dreads, which Jared finds pretty hot, and he probably has weed. He's not sure why some people don't consider weed partying, but he wouldn't say no if Bill wanted to get baked and fool around a little. Jared is absolutely willing to trade his body for pot.
Instead, Bill wants to take a walk around the park and hold hands; Jared can just hear Jensen in his head, saying that's so gay, and Jared hates that this is what he thinks. He just--this isn't him anymore, and it's stupid. He thought he was supposed to get more mature as he aged.
Bill's clearly angling for an invite back to Jared's house at the end of the night--he's not sure if it's for sex or just to hang out, but either way, Jensen's home, and even if he wasn't, this isn't going anywhere.
"It's been great," says Jared, "but I've got an early morning. I'll call you."
"Great," says Bill, smiling. "I had a really awesome time."
Bill gives him a kiss goodnight, and Jared doesn't even want to sleep with him.
This is so bad.
When Jared gets home, Jensen's sitting on the couch playing video games. His tongue's sticking out of the side of his mouth, and Jared never wants to come home to anyone else.
"She gonna sleep with you this weekend?"
"I don't think so," says Jared.
"Way to suck, Padalecki."
"What are you doing tomorrow? I need to drink. She wasn't into the party scene. We took a walk."
"And you didn't even get laid? Jesus."
"Shut up."
"I've got a date tomorrow," says Jensen. "Danneel called me back."
Jared's glad he's in the kitchen getting a beer, because Jensen can't see the way he tenses, the way his hands shake on the bottle.
"I tried to tell her you were a loser but I guess she doesn't trust me," he says evenly.
Honestly, all Jared said to Danneel about Jensen was that his roommate might give her a call, and that he was a great guy. Jared's not actually a good wingman. Danneel had given him a surprised look, but said that she'd like that, and Jared had gone off to think about beating his head against a wall.
"Wonder why not," says Jensen, smirking a little.
Jared hands Jensen a beer and kicks his legs out of the way as they rest on the coffee table. "I got next."
"You need to get laid."
"That's why I wanted to go out tomorrow."
"You can go out without me. Don't be codependent."
"Your pretty face gets me in free."
Jensen shoves him. "Go with Chris. Band gets him in too."
"Yeah, yeah," says Jared, waving his hand. "Danneel's really going out with you?"
"Dinner and a movie," says Jensen.
"That's so--normal."
Yeah," says Jensen dryly, "I read about it in a book one time."
"You might be on to something."
"You're a jerk, man," says Jensen, easily, but with a slight wariness that makes Jared think he means it.
"I just--I didn't think you were into this."
"I don't want to be single my whole life, y'know. And it's not like I want to marry her. I want to go on a few dates, maybe get laid, see how we are." Jensen raises his eyebrows. "You aren't gonna just look at someone and instantly know they're the one."
"That's not what I think," mutters Jared.
"So why not go out with this girl again?"
"Which girl?"
"The one you just went out with. You didn't even tell me her name."
"Mindy," says Jared absently.
"So what's wrong with her?"
"She doesn't drink, and she wanted to take a walk."
"You like walks. And when I met you you were so straight that the only beer you could name was Budweiser."
"Yeah, well, you corrupted me, asshole."
"Don't blame me, blame Milo. Dude puts me to shame."
Jared leans back, takes a long swig of beer. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-eight. Why?"
"I dunno," says Jared. "Just wondering if you're settling down because you think you're getting old."
"Shut up, man. I've had girlfriends."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Me and this girl Tina in college? I thought I'd marry her."
"What happened?"
"She didn't think she'd marry me," says Jensen, but there's a tension there that makes Jared sure there's more to the story.
"I'm sorry," he says. I didn't mean--I didn't think."
Jensen shrugs. "You haven't known me my whole life, man."
Jared feels like that, sometime--that he's maybe known Jensen his whole life, just because before he met Jensen, it didn't really feel like living.
Stupid, he knows.
*
Jared's sister calls last-minute, says her friend is coming up to look at UCLA and she's hitching a ride, so Jared ends up playing host to a twenty-year-old girl. Megan's got a huge crush on Jensen, of course, and she's clearly heartbroken when she finds out he's going out with Danneel on Saturday.
"Two days in a row?" asks Jared. "Desperate much?"
"Unlike some people, I actually like my dates," Jensen shoots back.
"How much do you like her?" asks Megan.
Jared bites back the desire to note the fucking eight-year age difference there.
"Not as much as I like you," Jensen says, winking. "But her brother wouldn't kill me for kissing her."
"Don't be afraid of Jared," says Megan. "He's big, but he's a total pussy."
"I hate you guys," says Jared.
"You're just bitter you haven't got anything better to do on a Saturday night than buy your underage sister booze," says Megan.
"She's got a good point," says Jensen.
"I never should have introduced you two."
"Yeah, you can think about how stupid you are tonight when you're not getting laid," says Jensen, grabbing his keys as he heads out. "Bye, Megan."
"Don't talk about sex in front of my little sister!" Jared calls.
He hears Jensen laugh as he leaves.
"So, he still doesn't know you're gay?" says Megan smugly.
"Fuck you."
Megan laughs. "He really has a girlfriend?"
"Two dates," says Jared. "They're probably just having tons of sex." He considers this. "God, I hate my life."
"Your life sucks. I should come to UCLA so I can make fun of you."
"You really wanna go to grad school?"
Megan shrugs. "You're being a really good example of what not to do after college."
"I'm happy," says Jared, a little too defensively.
Megan looks him up and down, shrugs. "You're a bad play about drunken losers. Like Rent, but a billion times lamer. And maybe not quite as gay."
"What's that? 'I want to sleep on the streets?' Aww, Megan, you should've said so sooner."
"Whatever. Go buy me some alcopops, big brother."
Saturday night, Jared gets wasted with his little sister, and when he goes to sleep, Jensen still isn't home yet. Megan's passed out in his bed and it seems just logical for him to faceplant into Jensen's, because Jensen clearly isn't coming home.
The sheets smell like Jensen, and Jared moans and humps them til he comes, and then passes the fuck out.
*
"Dude, you jizzed on my sheets," says Jensen mildly.
Jared cracks his eyes open. Jensen is sitting on the other side of the bed in his boxers, no shirt, and glasses. God hates Jared, there is no other explanation.
"I hope you bought them flowers first," Jensen continues. "They're good sheets. They deserve your respect."
"How long have you been here?" asks Jared.
"Got home around three," says Jensen. "You were already here. I guess you already jerked off, too, because I think I would've noticed that." He gives Jared a kind of mildly curious look. "Why did that happen again?"
Jared waves his hand. "I was drunk. I don't know."
"Sleep-wanking," says Jensen, shaking his head. "And you say I'm a bad influence on your sister."
"Did you sleep in here?" asks Jared.
"Let's see--my bed, my room? Yes, Jared, I slept here."
"Jesus," says Jared. "Sorry."
"I'm pretty worried about cooties, but I think I'll live," says Jensen. "Did you even go anywhere?"
"No," says Jared petulantly. "She's underaged."
"Did you play two-person Kings? I'd worry about you."
"No," says Jared. "Shut up. How was your date?"
Jensen flashes him a grin. "She's not a nice girl. Just so you know."
Jared groans. "Please don't tell me about kinky shit you did with my coworker. I see her every day."
"Not kinky. Just, you know. She's not looking to get married and settle down with a family. She wants to have a little fun."
"Great," says Jared. "I'm happy for you. Can I go back to sleep?"
"Megan took off," says Jensen. "Headed to meet some friend of hers at UCLA. So go sleep in your own damn bed. Jizz on your slutty sheets."
Jared drags himself up. His boxers are sticky and gross with come. "Ugh," he groans. "Never drinking with my little sister again."
"You're gonna make my bed later, Padalecki," Jensen calls after him. "I don't want to clean up your spunk."
"Yeah, yeah," says Jared, and passes out again.
When he wakes up again, for real, Jared realizes that he fell asleep in Jensen's bed and came all over his sheets.
Jared sucks at life.
Jensen's on the balcony, having what looks like his second cigarette.
"I suck at life," says Jared.
"Tell me something I don't know," says Jensen.
Jared takes a cigarette; he never used to smoke. He used to think it was disgusting.
"I'll wash your sheets."
"By hand," says Jensen.
Jared snorts. "You want them to get clean, right?"
"Mostly I want you to suffer," says Jensen.
"I can describe my hangover in detail," says Jared. "If that'll help my case."
Jensen stubs out his cigarette and looks consideringly at Jared. "Man, you look like shit."
"Thanks. That's what I like to hear."
"I'll get you some coffee."
Jared polishes off the cigarette and takes in lungfuls of not actually clean L.A. air until Jensen gets back with a mug of coffee.
"You know," he says, handing over the cup, "if you want a shirt or something to jerk off into, all you have to do is ask."
"Fuck you."
*
It turns out Danneel is nice and polite at work, but on her own time she drinks and swears like a sailor. Jared goes out with her and Jensen and Chris and Steve the next Friday, and it turns out she's a great time girl. She matches Chris shot for shot, laughs at all Jared's jokes, and she and Jensen are enragingly non-coupley. Jared wants to be all bitter, but Danneel fits right in, easy like she was always a part of Jensen's life.
He kisses her on the cheek when she gets a cab home.
"Couldn't even seal the deal, man?" asks Steve. "Jesus, Jensen, get laid already."
"Screw you," says Jensen, heavy against Jared's shoulder. Jared wraps his arm around Jensen's side, neccessary support. A reasonable thing to do, for a friend.
"I don't want you to get laid that much," drawls Steve.
Jared's half-dragging Jensen home, both of them leaning heavy against each other as they walk. It's nice to have a bar close by.
"You could've brought her home."
"Couldn't," says Jensen blearily.
"When'd you get laid before?"
"Huh?"
Jared reassesses his sentence and realizes it wasn't totally followable. "Chris said you never get laid."
"Chris should shut up," Jensen slurs darkly.
"You waiting for her? Wanna let her know you mean it?"
Jensen mumbles something, doesn't say anything else until Jared's toeing off his shoes.
"Know you're gay," is what he says.
Jared blinks, looks over, but Jensen doesn't give him a chance to reply.
"Just keep waiting for you to tell me," he says. "'m trustworthy, you know. Wouldn't--I don't care, man."
Jared swallows. He's too drunk for this. "I'll tell you tomorrow," he says.
"You better," says Jensen. He stumbles to his room, and Jared stumbles to his, not wanting to think about this, not even a little.
*
Jared wakes up and drinks about a gallon of coffee before Jensen's even woken up. He steals a pack of cigarettes and smokes a couple, doesn't even cough on them anymore.
All things considered, falling in love with Jensen Ackles? Worst fucking thing in his life. He's going to get lung cancer, or his heart is going to explode, or maybe just break.
"If we're both smoking we should just smoke in the apartment," Jensen comments. He's wearing sweatpants and glasses and that's it. Jared can see his bare feet peeking out from underneath the bottom of his pants. It's not an unfamilar sight, but Jared's never gotten used to it.
"So," says Jared, "I'm gay."
"Yeah," says Jensen. "I noticed." He crosses the balcony, takes the cigarette out of Jared's fingers, and takes a drag.
"I was going to tell you."
"No, you weren't."
"No, I wasn't."
Jensen hands the cigarette back. "You finish your coffee?"
"Yeah."
"Jerk." He goes back in the apartment; Jared stubs out his cigarette and follows him.
"Do we need to talk about this?" Jared asks.
Jensen gets the biggest mug in the house, the one that could fit a small cat in it, and fills it to the brim. He drinks about a quarter of it before he says anything.
"Danneel thinks I'm your boyfriend, by the way."
Jared blinks. "What?"
Jensen shrugs. "You talk about me all the time, man."
"Yeah, but--she thinks I'm your boyfriend?"
"Yeah."
"What does she think she is?"
"My friend. Might be angling for faghag, I don't know."
Jared feels dizzy, not hangover dizzy, but drowning dizzy. Like he has no sense of where he is at all, like he is suspended somewhere.
"Why didn't you tell her you're not?"
"Because I kind of am," says Jensen. "Except, you know, we don't have sex. And we should work on that, because Chris wasn't lying about how long it's been since I got laid."
"How long?"
Jensen raises his eyebrows. "You really care?"
"I really do."
"Like six months. Since I renewed the lease."
"Jesus Christ."
"I figured you were gonna say something. About being totally hot for me."
Jared splutters. "What--you--Jesus, Jensen, you could've said something! I was--fucking hell!"
Jensen smirks. "I like being wooed."
Jared wants to kick Jensen's ass. But instead he finds himself taking Jensen's mug out of his hands, pushing him up against the kitchen counter and kissing him.
Jared knew pretty well how Jensen kissed--he's seen it before, Jensen with a girl in a bar or a club--but it's different to feel Jensen's lips against his, stale taste of cigarettes and coffee, stubble against his cheeks. It's downright disgusting is what it is--Jensen needs a shower, and some mouthwash, and Jared never wants to stop kissing him, not ever in his life.
Sadie bumps up against their knees, demanding to be fed, and Jared pulls back. Jensen whimpers a little, and Jared's dick twitches at the sound.
They look at each other for a second, and then Sadie whines again and Jared goes to feed her.
"I wasn't sure," says Jensen softly. "Not till you jerked off in my bed."
Jared glances over his shoulder. "What?"
"I knew you liked guys, but--" Jensen grins, an unfamiliar, crooked smile, a little embarrassed, a little wistful. Jared loves it already. "I'm not the kind of guy that, you know. Guys who work at the ASPCA want to date."
Jared blinks, crosses the room and kisses Jensen again, and Jensen kisses back hungrilly, no straight-boy hesitation, no doubt. His dick is firm against Jared's leg, but Jared can't break away from Jensen's mouth long enough to do anything about it.
"Don't wanna date you," he murmurs, feels Jensen stiffen, and not in the good way. "Want--god, let's skip dating and just have sex and live together and have dogs and--"
Jensen relaxes as Jared talks, cuts him off with a kiss that feels like laughter.
"Such a sweet talker," says Jensen. "You just don't wanna wine and dine me."
"Want to fuck you through the mattress," Jared admits.
"Gonna start thinking you like that mattress more than you like me," says Jensen, but his voice is rough and deep with desire, and Jared has no doubt that he's going to get laid.
*
"Why'd you ask Danneel out?" asks Jared. Jensen tried to convince him to allow a post-coital cigarette, but Jared insisted he would have to go outside, so Jensen's just curled against him instead, hands absently tracing Jared's ribs.
"Make you jealous," says Jensen, no shame.
"You're kind of an asshole," says Jared fondly.
"So're you," says Jensen. "So it's okay."
Jared considers this.
"Huh. Guess you're right."
"Of course I'm right. Either carry me to the balcony for a cigarette or go to sleep."
"Those are my only choices?"
"What did you have in mind?"
Jared kisses him again.
"Okay," says Jensen. "Yeah, I can work with that."
And Jared never really wants anything else in his life, wants Jensen swearing and chainsmoking and grumbling for fucking ever, and that's fucked beyond the telling of it, maybe, but Jared doesn't mind.
wow this does not look at all like the start of a fanfic entry
ANYWAY I have no home net atm but I wrote this fic which I am posting because I don't like having it, like, haunting my computer. THIS WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER I HOPE sob what life what why
Never Been Called a Lovely Person
Jared/Jensen AU, R, 6000ish words.
Jared Padalecki's life got fucked up the day he met Jensen Ackles.
He didn't realize just how fucked up at the time; yeah, he'd realized he was in deep shit because Jensen was clearly hot and funny and straight, which was a combination Jared felt far too familiar with, but he hadn't known that Jensen would stick around, that the two of them would stick around each other, become friends, and actually stay together once Milo's old lease ran out.
Jensen is hands-down the best roommate Jared has ever had, despite being infuriatingly straight and the smoothest asshole ever to walk the earth. Jared used to be a boy scout kind of guy, and always had the same kind of friends before he moved to L.A. Their idea of an exciting weekend was volunteering to pick up the park or doing a walk for hunger or something.
He met Milo on Craigslist when he was looking for a roommate, and Milo drank like a fish and ate like a pig, and decided about halfway through the year that he needed to travel to Europe to find himself with a girl who was named either Candi or Kristi or Wandi. Wandi isn't even a name, and Jared thinks she might have been a man for a while. But, whatever, Milo said Jared could keep living in the place, and even gave him Jensen for a roommate, and Jared will forever kind of love Milo Ventimiglia for that one.
Jensen drinks imported beer that he doesn't buy and chain smokes cigarettes on the balcony at night. He's kind of in a band, in the sense that he plays guitar and sings with a couple of other guys who play other instruments and sing, but they never play anywhere particularly exciting, and they barely even have a name. The closest they've come to having a gig is that one time that they set up their equipment in the alley next to Jared and Jensen's apartment and played until Mr. Gibrali next door called the police, and they managed to throw everything in basement storage before anyone actually got arrested. But Jensen's the kind of guy who can say he's in a band and people buy it.
Jared's so in love with him he can't see straight, which is stupid for a lot of reasons, including the way Jensen fucks anything with tits that moves. As far as Jared knows, he never fucks guys, but Jensen is at least considerate enough to not bring anyone home, so he's not actually sure.
The day Jared decides his life is well and truly fucked is a Wednesday. Jared wakes up every day at six-thirty, goes for a run, takes a shower, eats a healthy breakfast, and then drives to work at the ASPCA. Jensen stumbles out of bed anywhere between seven and nine-thirty, drinks at least five cups of coffee, smokes three cigarettes, and ends up at work at his friend/bandmate's record store to open up by around 9:45. Jared has actually seen Jensen complete this entire process in five minutes, and it was hands down the scariest experience of his life.
On this particular Wednesday, Jensen does not do that. This Wednesday, Jensen is awake and drinking his coffee (Jared guesses around cup number four, from how alert Jensen seems) when Jared gets out of the shower. He's wearing a clean shirt and jeans, and his hair is somewhat presentable. He hasn't put in his contacts, and he looks much more responsible like that. And a lot hotter. Jared's always surprised that when he sees Jensen looking put together and polished, he just wants to mess him up again. He always thinks the novelty should kill his horniness a little.
"Are you due in court or something?" asks Jared.
"I think we should get a dog," says Jensen.
Jared pours himself some coffee. "What?"
Jensen shrugs. "You like dogs. I like dogs. So we should have a dog."
Jared loves dogs, but he still feels Jensen's logic is a little lacking. "When did you decide this?"
Jensen shrugs again. "You don't want one?"
"You're going to feed it pizza and try to use it to pick up chicks."
"And you're gonna feed it really expensive designer dog food and take it for long walks on the beach and give it all the love you wish you were giving to a girlfriend," Jensen shoots back, pouring himself another cup of coffee. "So what?"
"So I don't get it."
Jensen just stares at him. "You want a dog or not?"
"I want a dog," Jared admits.
"So give me a ride out to the ASPCA and we'll find us one."
Jared's been talking about this one dog non-stop for months, and it doesn't occur to him that maybe Jensen got tired of his mooning and decided they should just take the damn thing. That hadn't been Jared's intention or anything, he just thought Sadie was a beautiful animal who needed a lot of love, and he was worried no one would ever take her.
But when they arrive, Jensen says, "So where's the wonder-mutt?"
Jared's mouth moves a little, but words don't come out. Finally, he manages, "Sadie?"
Jensen raises his eyebrow. "The one you're always creaming yourself over, yeah."
"Sadie," says Jared, more firmly.
"Yeah, that one."
"She's right over here," says Jared, leading Jensen over to the dog area. Danneel's in there giving Tubby his breakfast, and she grins and waves when she sees him.
"Morning, Jared!"
"Hey, Danneel," he says, grinning. "This is my roommate."
Danneel looks surprised. "You're Jensen?"
Jared turns to look at Jensen, and he's not surprised to see Jensen's flirty, panty-dropping smile, but his heart plummets anyway. Danneel is new to the shelter, stunningly beautiful, and she seems so sweet, Jensen could probably eat her for breakfast. In fact, judging from Jensen's expression, he wants to do just that.
"I'm Jensen," he says, shaking her hand. "It's great to meet you."
"You too," says Danneel enthusiastically. "Jared talks about you all the time."
Jared flushes, but Jensen just laughs. "Yeah, he can't get enough of me."
"So what brings you down here?" she asks.
"We really want a dog," says Jensen. "Jared's always telling me about all the poor animals in need of homes here, and I really wanted to, you know, do my part. We've got the room, we should share the wealth."
He's got this earnest, genuine expression on his face, like he really cares about the plight of homeless animals and starving children in Ethiopia. Jared kind of wants to punch him.
"Oh my god," says Danneel, looking delighted, "are you guys going to take Sadie?"
"That's the plan," says Jensen, smiling his aww-shucks smile. Jared wishes he hadn't named every one of Jensen's smiles. It makes him feel even more pathetic.
"I'll go get her," says Danneel.
"Thanks," says Jared. "Jensen should really meet her before we make up our minds."
Danneel nods. "Absolutely."
As soon as she goes, Jensen elbows Jared in the side.
"Ow, Jesus, what?"
"Why are you not hitting that?" asks Jensen. "Have I taught you nothing?"
After a year, Jared knows it's lame to have not told his roommate he's gay. But Jensen prides himself on being an excellent wingman, and Jared's not sure anything would be worse than having Jensen try to set him up with other guys.
God, he needs to get over this.
"Whatever," Jensen continues. "If you don't want her, I'll take her."
"Like she'd have you," says Jared breezily.
Jensen looks poised to retort, but Danneel comes back in with Sadie, who bounds over to Jared happily and starts sniffing his legs.
"Holy shit that's a huge dog," says Jensen, looking kind of terrified.
"She's harmless," says Jared, rubbing behind her ears. "Sadie, meet Jensen."
Jensen seems to think Sadie is going to unhinge her jaw and consume him whole, but he still manages to hold out her hand to her. Sadie sniffs it and then licks him, and Jensen relaxes slightly.
"Hey, girl," he says quietly, and Jensen is very rarely gentle; the sound of affection in his voice makes Jared's heart ache a little.
"I think she likes you," says Danneel, as Jensen tries petting Sadie's head. Sadie bumps up against him enthusiastically. She's a great dog, abandoned by stupid owners who didn't want such large pet, and she's beyond attention-starved after a few months on the streets. Jared's heart has been breaking for her.
"Yeah," says Jensen, smiling softly. "She's a real keeper, Jared," he says, glancing up. The warmth is still in his eyes and Jared is so screwed, because--Jensen's never had a girlfriend in the last year, never dated anyone for more than a couple nights at a time, and all Jared wants to do is crawl in close and make a fucking family with him. "You want her?"
"Of course I want her, moron," says Jared, grinning. "Like you have to ask."
"She's barely gonna fit in our apartment," says Jensen. He glances over at Danneel. "What do we have to do to make her ours?"
"I think Jared can take you through the process. He's done it enough before."
"He can't do the paperwork for his own dog," scoffs Jensen. "Why don't you do it?" he says, with a smile Jared recognizes from going out with Jensen. Once, it got a girl in the bathroom with Jensen in two minutes flat. Misha timed it.
"Okay," Danneel giggles. "I'll help you guys out. Are you taking the day off, Jared?"
Jared glances at Jensen and Sadie; Jensen's kneeling down and Sadie's licking his face.
"Yeah, we'd better get her settled in, I guess."
In the car, Sadie sticks her head out the window, and Jared tries not to feel overwhelmingly domestic and stupid.
"So, did you just not want to be alone today or something?" asks Jared.
Jensen is staring out the window, looking thoughtful.
"That Danneel girl," Jensen finally says, "you really never . . . ?"
"Me and Danneel?" asks Jared. "Nope."
Jensen snorts. "You're a tool, man."
"She's not my type."
"You think she'd go for me?"
Jared snorts. "Danneel? Dude, she works at the ASPCA. She volunteers at the hospital on weekends." He's not sure she does, but she seems like the type.
Jensen huffs. "So?"
"So, she's not a one-night stand kind of girl. She probably wants to get married."
"Right now?"
"No, but--"
"I date," says Jensen.
"When?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I live with you and I've never seen you go out on a real date."
"If I was on a real date, you wouldn't be there," Jensen points out. "Unless it was a double date, and those are lame."
"Okay, when was your last date?"
Jensen turns back to the window. "So I'm not good enough for your coworkers?"
Jared really likes Danneel. She's good to work with, nice, funny. The idea of her and Jensen dating makes him want to vomit. But Jensen actually sounds hurt, and that almost never happens. Jared can't bear the idea that it's his fault.
"I just--I didn't think she was your type."
"Great body, nice tits, killer smile?" says Jensen. "What part of that isn't my type?"
Normally Jared would make a joke, but Jensen still seems kind of hurt about it, and Jared feels bad for insulting him. Even if Jensen actually is kind of a slut.
"You really like her?"
"I really want to get to know her."
Jared sighs. "I'll tell her."
Jensen grins. "Thanks, man."
And that, right there--that's the moment Jared is fucked.
*
Sadie tears around their apartment, finally settling down to chew on one of Jensen's shoes.
"Fuck," Jensen says, shaking his head. "I liked that one."
"No way you're getting that back," says Jared cheerfully.
"Your stupid dog," says Jensen, voice full of fondness.
Jared hates his life.
"Whenever she does something you don't like she's gonna be my dog, isn't she?"
"Course," says Jensen. "You're the one who wanted her."
"It was your idea."
"You were practically salivating over that dog for months. I can take a hint, man."
"I wasn't hinting," Jared protests.
Jensen laughs. "Whatever. Hook me up with Danneel and I'll let it go."
"You know I'm not a fairy godmother, right?"
"Really? Cuz you look just like one."
"Watch out, I'll tell Danneel you fart at night."
"You told Danneel I'm amazing. She heard all about me," Jensen says smugly.
It's true, is the saddest part. Jared doesn't mean to talk about Jensen all the time, but he has trouble. He's always been like this, the most obvious crusher in the world, ever since seventh grade and not being able to shut up about Ricky Plymouth. Jared is pretty sure the most embarrassing way to discover that you're gay is to have your mother sit you down at age thirteen and tell you that she loves you no matter what, but you probably shouldn't be so obvious about that boy you have a crush on, because Texas isn't as liberal as all that.
"Shut up," Jared mutters, blushing dark.
"I can't believe she's not your type," says Jensen, shaking his head.
Jared shrugs. "We wouldn't be good."
Jensen gives him a measured look. "Dating isn't marriage, you know. When was the last time you had a girlfriend?"
"I date," Jared protests. He's never had a girlfriend in his life, in fact, but he's not telling Jensen that.
"Yeah, in the traditional way, when I'm not around. And I still believe you do it."
"Fine, you date. And you want to date Danneel. I'll see what I can do."
"Tell her I have a monster dick," says Jensen.
Jared absolutely doesn't think about that. He absolutely doesn't think about it later that night when he's jerking off either. He's not that lame.
*
Jared goes out with a guy named Bill on Thursday. Jensen teases him for doing a date on Thursday, because apparently now Thursday dates mean you're evaluating whether or not you want to sleep with the guy over the weekend. Well, Jensen actually presents it as the girl doing it, but he makes fun of Jared for getting evaluated, or something. Either way, Jensen absolutely doesn't respect that Jared has a Thursday night date.
Jared doesn't really respect it either. He's not really sure why he's going out with Bill in the first place--he's kind of cute, a nice guy, but Jared is, at this point, really totally in love with Jensen, so no one else is doing it for him. Ever.
"I was thinking we could grab dinner first," says Bill. He's a friend of a friend--Jared's pretty glad he and Jensen don't really have a lot of friends in common, because he wouldn't be able to stay in the closet. Especially because most of them have figured out that Jared is in love with his roommate.
"And then," Bill continues, "a walk through the park."
A few years ago, he would have been just Jared's type.
These days, he mostly goes to bars and throws up on Jensen's shoes.
"That sounds great," he lies.
"I guess I'm not big on the party scene," says Bill, looking down and laughing a little. "Kristen said you weren't either."
Jared went to college with Kristen; back then, he'd been pretty green, not a big smoker, not a big drinker, trying to make his mama proud. Once he started living with Jensen he discovered that alcohol was awesome and he was pretty much a fan, and he didn't really know how to break this to most of his friends. He generally ends up claiming he's going to book club and then, well, throwing up on Jensen's shoes.
Jensen's shoes take a fucking beating.
"Yeah, no," says Jared. "That sounds perfect."
Bill smiles. He's got dreads, which Jared finds pretty hot, and he probably has weed. He's not sure why some people don't consider weed partying, but he wouldn't say no if Bill wanted to get baked and fool around a little. Jared is absolutely willing to trade his body for pot.
Instead, Bill wants to take a walk around the park and hold hands; Jared can just hear Jensen in his head, saying that's so gay, and Jared hates that this is what he thinks. He just--this isn't him anymore, and it's stupid. He thought he was supposed to get more mature as he aged.
Bill's clearly angling for an invite back to Jared's house at the end of the night--he's not sure if it's for sex or just to hang out, but either way, Jensen's home, and even if he wasn't, this isn't going anywhere.
"It's been great," says Jared, "but I've got an early morning. I'll call you."
"Great," says Bill, smiling. "I had a really awesome time."
Bill gives him a kiss goodnight, and Jared doesn't even want to sleep with him.
This is so bad.
When Jared gets home, Jensen's sitting on the couch playing video games. His tongue's sticking out of the side of his mouth, and Jared never wants to come home to anyone else.
"She gonna sleep with you this weekend?"
"I don't think so," says Jared.
"Way to suck, Padalecki."
"What are you doing tomorrow? I need to drink. She wasn't into the party scene. We took a walk."
"And you didn't even get laid? Jesus."
"Shut up."
"I've got a date tomorrow," says Jensen. "Danneel called me back."
Jared's glad he's in the kitchen getting a beer, because Jensen can't see the way he tenses, the way his hands shake on the bottle.
"I tried to tell her you were a loser but I guess she doesn't trust me," he says evenly.
Honestly, all Jared said to Danneel about Jensen was that his roommate might give her a call, and that he was a great guy. Jared's not actually a good wingman. Danneel had given him a surprised look, but said that she'd like that, and Jared had gone off to think about beating his head against a wall.
"Wonder why not," says Jensen, smirking a little.
Jared hands Jensen a beer and kicks his legs out of the way as they rest on the coffee table. "I got next."
"You need to get laid."
"That's why I wanted to go out tomorrow."
"You can go out without me. Don't be codependent."
"Your pretty face gets me in free."
Jensen shoves him. "Go with Chris. Band gets him in too."
"Yeah, yeah," says Jared, waving his hand. "Danneel's really going out with you?"
"Dinner and a movie," says Jensen.
"That's so--normal."
Yeah," says Jensen dryly, "I read about it in a book one time."
"You might be on to something."
"You're a jerk, man," says Jensen, easily, but with a slight wariness that makes Jared think he means it.
"I just--I didn't think you were into this."
"I don't want to be single my whole life, y'know. And it's not like I want to marry her. I want to go on a few dates, maybe get laid, see how we are." Jensen raises his eyebrows. "You aren't gonna just look at someone and instantly know they're the one."
"That's not what I think," mutters Jared.
"So why not go out with this girl again?"
"Which girl?"
"The one you just went out with. You didn't even tell me her name."
"Mindy," says Jared absently.
"So what's wrong with her?"
"She doesn't drink, and she wanted to take a walk."
"You like walks. And when I met you you were so straight that the only beer you could name was Budweiser."
"Yeah, well, you corrupted me, asshole."
"Don't blame me, blame Milo. Dude puts me to shame."
Jared leans back, takes a long swig of beer. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-eight. Why?"
"I dunno," says Jared. "Just wondering if you're settling down because you think you're getting old."
"Shut up, man. I've had girlfriends."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Me and this girl Tina in college? I thought I'd marry her."
"What happened?"
"She didn't think she'd marry me," says Jensen, but there's a tension there that makes Jared sure there's more to the story.
"I'm sorry," he says. I didn't mean--I didn't think."
Jensen shrugs. "You haven't known me my whole life, man."
Jared feels like that, sometime--that he's maybe known Jensen his whole life, just because before he met Jensen, it didn't really feel like living.
Stupid, he knows.
*
Jared's sister calls last-minute, says her friend is coming up to look at UCLA and she's hitching a ride, so Jared ends up playing host to a twenty-year-old girl. Megan's got a huge crush on Jensen, of course, and she's clearly heartbroken when she finds out he's going out with Danneel on Saturday.
"Two days in a row?" asks Jared. "Desperate much?"
"Unlike some people, I actually like my dates," Jensen shoots back.
"How much do you like her?" asks Megan.
Jared bites back the desire to note the fucking eight-year age difference there.
"Not as much as I like you," Jensen says, winking. "But her brother wouldn't kill me for kissing her."
"Don't be afraid of Jared," says Megan. "He's big, but he's a total pussy."
"I hate you guys," says Jared.
"You're just bitter you haven't got anything better to do on a Saturday night than buy your underage sister booze," says Megan.
"She's got a good point," says Jensen.
"I never should have introduced you two."
"Yeah, you can think about how stupid you are tonight when you're not getting laid," says Jensen, grabbing his keys as he heads out. "Bye, Megan."
"Don't talk about sex in front of my little sister!" Jared calls.
He hears Jensen laugh as he leaves.
"So, he still doesn't know you're gay?" says Megan smugly.
"Fuck you."
Megan laughs. "He really has a girlfriend?"
"Two dates," says Jared. "They're probably just having tons of sex." He considers this. "God, I hate my life."
"Your life sucks. I should come to UCLA so I can make fun of you."
"You really wanna go to grad school?"
Megan shrugs. "You're being a really good example of what not to do after college."
"I'm happy," says Jared, a little too defensively.
Megan looks him up and down, shrugs. "You're a bad play about drunken losers. Like Rent, but a billion times lamer. And maybe not quite as gay."
"What's that? 'I want to sleep on the streets?' Aww, Megan, you should've said so sooner."
"Whatever. Go buy me some alcopops, big brother."
Saturday night, Jared gets wasted with his little sister, and when he goes to sleep, Jensen still isn't home yet. Megan's passed out in his bed and it seems just logical for him to faceplant into Jensen's, because Jensen clearly isn't coming home.
The sheets smell like Jensen, and Jared moans and humps them til he comes, and then passes the fuck out.
*
"Dude, you jizzed on my sheets," says Jensen mildly.
Jared cracks his eyes open. Jensen is sitting on the other side of the bed in his boxers, no shirt, and glasses. God hates Jared, there is no other explanation.
"I hope you bought them flowers first," Jensen continues. "They're good sheets. They deserve your respect."
"How long have you been here?" asks Jared.
"Got home around three," says Jensen. "You were already here. I guess you already jerked off, too, because I think I would've noticed that." He gives Jared a kind of mildly curious look. "Why did that happen again?"
Jared waves his hand. "I was drunk. I don't know."
"Sleep-wanking," says Jensen, shaking his head. "And you say I'm a bad influence on your sister."
"Did you sleep in here?" asks Jared.
"Let's see--my bed, my room? Yes, Jared, I slept here."
"Jesus," says Jared. "Sorry."
"I'm pretty worried about cooties, but I think I'll live," says Jensen. "Did you even go anywhere?"
"No," says Jared petulantly. "She's underaged."
"Did you play two-person Kings? I'd worry about you."
"No," says Jared. "Shut up. How was your date?"
Jensen flashes him a grin. "She's not a nice girl. Just so you know."
Jared groans. "Please don't tell me about kinky shit you did with my coworker. I see her every day."
"Not kinky. Just, you know. She's not looking to get married and settle down with a family. She wants to have a little fun."
"Great," says Jared. "I'm happy for you. Can I go back to sleep?"
"Megan took off," says Jensen. "Headed to meet some friend of hers at UCLA. So go sleep in your own damn bed. Jizz on your slutty sheets."
Jared drags himself up. His boxers are sticky and gross with come. "Ugh," he groans. "Never drinking with my little sister again."
"You're gonna make my bed later, Padalecki," Jensen calls after him. "I don't want to clean up your spunk."
"Yeah, yeah," says Jared, and passes out again.
When he wakes up again, for real, Jared realizes that he fell asleep in Jensen's bed and came all over his sheets.
Jared sucks at life.
Jensen's on the balcony, having what looks like his second cigarette.
"I suck at life," says Jared.
"Tell me something I don't know," says Jensen.
Jared takes a cigarette; he never used to smoke. He used to think it was disgusting.
"I'll wash your sheets."
"By hand," says Jensen.
Jared snorts. "You want them to get clean, right?"
"Mostly I want you to suffer," says Jensen.
"I can describe my hangover in detail," says Jared. "If that'll help my case."
Jensen stubs out his cigarette and looks consideringly at Jared. "Man, you look like shit."
"Thanks. That's what I like to hear."
"I'll get you some coffee."
Jared polishes off the cigarette and takes in lungfuls of not actually clean L.A. air until Jensen gets back with a mug of coffee.
"You know," he says, handing over the cup, "if you want a shirt or something to jerk off into, all you have to do is ask."
"Fuck you."
*
It turns out Danneel is nice and polite at work, but on her own time she drinks and swears like a sailor. Jared goes out with her and Jensen and Chris and Steve the next Friday, and it turns out she's a great time girl. She matches Chris shot for shot, laughs at all Jared's jokes, and she and Jensen are enragingly non-coupley. Jared wants to be all bitter, but Danneel fits right in, easy like she was always a part of Jensen's life.
He kisses her on the cheek when she gets a cab home.
"Couldn't even seal the deal, man?" asks Steve. "Jesus, Jensen, get laid already."
"Screw you," says Jensen, heavy against Jared's shoulder. Jared wraps his arm around Jensen's side, neccessary support. A reasonable thing to do, for a friend.
"I don't want you to get laid that much," drawls Steve.
Jared's half-dragging Jensen home, both of them leaning heavy against each other as they walk. It's nice to have a bar close by.
"You could've brought her home."
"Couldn't," says Jensen blearily.
"When'd you get laid before?"
"Huh?"
Jared reassesses his sentence and realizes it wasn't totally followable. "Chris said you never get laid."
"Chris should shut up," Jensen slurs darkly.
"You waiting for her? Wanna let her know you mean it?"
Jensen mumbles something, doesn't say anything else until Jared's toeing off his shoes.
"Know you're gay," is what he says.
Jared blinks, looks over, but Jensen doesn't give him a chance to reply.
"Just keep waiting for you to tell me," he says. "'m trustworthy, you know. Wouldn't--I don't care, man."
Jared swallows. He's too drunk for this. "I'll tell you tomorrow," he says.
"You better," says Jensen. He stumbles to his room, and Jared stumbles to his, not wanting to think about this, not even a little.
*
Jared wakes up and drinks about a gallon of coffee before Jensen's even woken up. He steals a pack of cigarettes and smokes a couple, doesn't even cough on them anymore.
All things considered, falling in love with Jensen Ackles? Worst fucking thing in his life. He's going to get lung cancer, or his heart is going to explode, or maybe just break.
"If we're both smoking we should just smoke in the apartment," Jensen comments. He's wearing sweatpants and glasses and that's it. Jared can see his bare feet peeking out from underneath the bottom of his pants. It's not an unfamilar sight, but Jared's never gotten used to it.
"So," says Jared, "I'm gay."
"Yeah," says Jensen. "I noticed." He crosses the balcony, takes the cigarette out of Jared's fingers, and takes a drag.
"I was going to tell you."
"No, you weren't."
"No, I wasn't."
Jensen hands the cigarette back. "You finish your coffee?"
"Yeah."
"Jerk." He goes back in the apartment; Jared stubs out his cigarette and follows him.
"Do we need to talk about this?" Jared asks.
Jensen gets the biggest mug in the house, the one that could fit a small cat in it, and fills it to the brim. He drinks about a quarter of it before he says anything.
"Danneel thinks I'm your boyfriend, by the way."
Jared blinks. "What?"
Jensen shrugs. "You talk about me all the time, man."
"Yeah, but--she thinks I'm your boyfriend?"
"Yeah."
"What does she think she is?"
"My friend. Might be angling for faghag, I don't know."
Jared feels dizzy, not hangover dizzy, but drowning dizzy. Like he has no sense of where he is at all, like he is suspended somewhere.
"Why didn't you tell her you're not?"
"Because I kind of am," says Jensen. "Except, you know, we don't have sex. And we should work on that, because Chris wasn't lying about how long it's been since I got laid."
"How long?"
Jensen raises his eyebrows. "You really care?"
"I really do."
"Like six months. Since I renewed the lease."
"Jesus Christ."
"I figured you were gonna say something. About being totally hot for me."
Jared splutters. "What--you--Jesus, Jensen, you could've said something! I was--fucking hell!"
Jensen smirks. "I like being wooed."
Jared wants to kick Jensen's ass. But instead he finds himself taking Jensen's mug out of his hands, pushing him up against the kitchen counter and kissing him.
Jared knew pretty well how Jensen kissed--he's seen it before, Jensen with a girl in a bar or a club--but it's different to feel Jensen's lips against his, stale taste of cigarettes and coffee, stubble against his cheeks. It's downright disgusting is what it is--Jensen needs a shower, and some mouthwash, and Jared never wants to stop kissing him, not ever in his life.
Sadie bumps up against their knees, demanding to be fed, and Jared pulls back. Jensen whimpers a little, and Jared's dick twitches at the sound.
They look at each other for a second, and then Sadie whines again and Jared goes to feed her.
"I wasn't sure," says Jensen softly. "Not till you jerked off in my bed."
Jared glances over his shoulder. "What?"
"I knew you liked guys, but--" Jensen grins, an unfamiliar, crooked smile, a little embarrassed, a little wistful. Jared loves it already. "I'm not the kind of guy that, you know. Guys who work at the ASPCA want to date."
Jared blinks, crosses the room and kisses Jensen again, and Jensen kisses back hungrilly, no straight-boy hesitation, no doubt. His dick is firm against Jared's leg, but Jared can't break away from Jensen's mouth long enough to do anything about it.
"Don't wanna date you," he murmurs, feels Jensen stiffen, and not in the good way. "Want--god, let's skip dating and just have sex and live together and have dogs and--"
Jensen relaxes as Jared talks, cuts him off with a kiss that feels like laughter.
"Such a sweet talker," says Jensen. "You just don't wanna wine and dine me."
"Want to fuck you through the mattress," Jared admits.
"Gonna start thinking you like that mattress more than you like me," says Jensen, but his voice is rough and deep with desire, and Jared has no doubt that he's going to get laid.
*
"Why'd you ask Danneel out?" asks Jared. Jensen tried to convince him to allow a post-coital cigarette, but Jared insisted he would have to go outside, so Jensen's just curled against him instead, hands absently tracing Jared's ribs.
"Make you jealous," says Jensen, no shame.
"You're kind of an asshole," says Jared fondly.
"So're you," says Jensen. "So it's okay."
Jared considers this.
"Huh. Guess you're right."
"Of course I'm right. Either carry me to the balcony for a cigarette or go to sleep."
"Those are my only choices?"
"What did you have in mind?"
Jared kisses him again.
"Okay," says Jensen. "Yeah, I can work with that."
And Jared never really wants anything else in his life, wants Jensen swearing and chainsmoking and grumbling for fucking ever, and that's fucked beyond the telling of it, maybe, but Jared doesn't mind.