Confronting the Abyss, Part 3

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Part 3

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Ray Doyle sat in his flat with his long legs crossed on the coffee table, or, at least, that was what Bodie liked to call it. Doyle smiled because Bodie had moved him in since he was still in the hospital. Doyle had never questioned the move from his old flat. The flat that had the stain of his blood soaked into the carpet. By the time that he had left the hospital, Bodie had moved Doyle lock, stock, and barrel to the new flat.

When Doyle arrived at the new place, after Bodie and a nurse had carried him to the car, he stared at the furnishings and shivered for a moment. It was probably a good thing that he had left the old flat and its memories far behind. Bodie refused to talk much about that flat and what had occurred. They spent the next several months, concentrating on Doyle regaining his strength and his ability to return to CI5. Frankly, Doyle didn’t know what he would have done without the nagging, demanding softie, who was his partner.

Where had they gone wrong? Was it the sex? By that time, they had been having sex off and on for over two years. Their friendship and partnership had not seemed to suffer from the physical side of their relationship. Bodie was always there for him . . . maybe that was the problem, Bodie thought Doyle took him for granted.

Or could it be Jase? The man certainly was handsome, and the two men certainly seemed close. After all, it was Jase that Bodie had called when he was suffering from the mickey that Hassam had slipped him. Cowley had made inquiries about the whole mishap and found out that Hassam was planning to kidnap the handsome CI5 operative and take him back to his own country, but fortunately fate had intervened when Hassam had been called home under suspicion of treason. Bodie had been left behind instead because Hassam had been forced to leave quickly. They heard later that Hassam had not escaped his country’s justice.

Doyle realized that he needed to talk to Bodie. They had talked very little since Dreisinger had grabbed Bodie and made him into a human time bomb, but Bodie had been furious with his partner for risking his neck to save the fleeing Bodie. Bodie’s fury had reminded Doyle of the day that Bodie had accused him of mismanaging a bust-in to the flat where hostages were being held. The words, “You’re supposed to shoot from the door. Next time you can be the monkey on the string,” had weighed heavily on the slender Doyle. The very thought that he could have missed the shot and hit Bodie caused shivers to run through his body even now well over two years since the event.

He wanted to ask Bodie about renewing his contract. Was Bodie reluctant to do so because he was dissatisfied with their partnership or maybe he wanted to be with Jase more than he wanted to be with Doyle?

Doyle’s heavy eyelids closed as sleep seemed to overtake him, but suddenly he sat up as he realized that someone was hitting the buzzer to his outside door. Only one person in the world made that rhythm on his buzzer . . . Bodie. Rushing to let him in, Doyle felt butterflies in his stomach. What a strange feeling, after almost five years of being partners with the man, and some glorious sex, he was nervous to see his best friend.

When the knock came, Doyle almost jumped out of his very tight jeans. He felt like he had hurt himself as he had difficulty walking to the door. Opening it, he stood staring at the tall, handsome man who had come to mean so much to him. Bodie was staring down at the floor then he made that characteristic gesture, scrunching up his beautiful mouth with his two fingers like he didn’t know what to say. In fact, it seemed as if he really didn’t know what to say because he merely handed some cans of lager to Doyle, as he seemed to still hesitate to come in.

Doyle stared at him, his thoughts quickly perceiving that Bodie was as nervous as he was. Doyle gestured to the younger man to come in as he turned to lead him into the sitting room. Since the beer was cold, he offered a can to his friend and took one for himself.

Both men sat down but on opposite sides of the room. Doyle thought Bodie seemed to be acting like a gladiator preparing to face a lion. Saluting Bodie with his can, Doyle threw back his head and took a long drain of the cool liquid. Bodie on the other hand seemed to stare at Doyle as if he were poetry in motion, studying every graceful movement the man made . . . as if it would be the last time, he would do so.

Doyle put the can down and began to study the nervous ex-merc. He wasn’t used to Bodie being reticent about most things, but their communication skills had been sadly lacking recently. Doyle decided that he better start the conversation or Bodie might get up and leave without broaching the subject for which he had come.

“Somethin’ the matter, sunshine?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Doyle waited, but Bodie didn’t continue, so 4.5 tried again, “So what is it? What’d I do?”

For a moment, Doyle thought Bodie would continue to be silent, then the deep blue eyes flashed, Bodie’s face became red, and he was off, “Why’d you chase after me? Why’d you risk yourself? You knew that Dreisinger could trigger the bomb with just a flick of his thumb, you dumb crud, what did you think you were doing?”

“I was saving you.”

Now there was silence. Bodie felt like a fist had hit him in the heart. It wasn’t so much what Doyle had said, it was the way he said it. It made Bodie sound like he was the most important person in the world to the golli. Bodie didn’t need to hear such sentimental twaddle right now, not when he was here to tear the guts out of the best partnership that he had ever known.

“Ray, I don’t need to hear that. I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not proud of. You know some of them. After all you’ve seen Krivas. I’m not worth you riskin’ your life for.”

Doyle frowned, as he listened to his friend, speaking in such a self-disparaging manner. Turning red in the face due to his anger, he blurted out, “I think you are, Bodie.”

“Well, you’re wrong, mate, but you won’t have to do it anymore. I’m leaving CI5 when my contract is up, so that gives you three months and twelve days that you have to put up with me. That’s, of course, if you want to. I can always ask the Cow for another partner, if you want me to.”

Doyle’s heart was pounding more than 100 beats a minute. He thought sure that Bodie could hear it thudding away. He hadn’t felt this much pain since MayLi had put two bullets in him and left him to die. It had been Bodie who had come to his rescue, just as he always did. Now, it was Bodie, who was inflicting the pain by just mentioning the words that he was leaving.

Drawing in his breath as if he couldn’t get enough air, Doyle was aghast at a future without Bodie. Why? Why was his best friend leaving him, and why had he made such a momentous decision without talking it over with him first? His mind was fumbling around for the words that would make this easier, but there were none. Only honesty would do now.

“I don’t want you to go, but you’re the one who has to make that decision. It can’t be just because I chased after you to save your bloody hide, so what is it?”

“I never promised you anything, Doyle. I’ve been there for you for the last five years, but you’ve always known that I’m a man who doesn’t stay in one place for long. Commitments aren’t easy for me, and so I’d like you to look at this as just one more of my character flaws. You know I’ve got a lot of them.” Bodie stopped here, trying to come up with a small smile to ease the tension in the room, but Doyle wasn’t having it.

“Has it anything to do with Jase?”

Bodie closed his eyes for a mere second then took the bull by the horns or a golli by the curls, and stated emphatically, “Not the way you mean. I’ve known Jase for a long time. He’s offered me a job with his security firm. He’s promised me that after I’ve become familiar with the work, I can be a full partner. It’s time for me to move on.”

Doyle sat staring at the man who had made the last five years of his life more bearable, then asked the question he knew would infuriate his soon-to-be ex-partner, “Are you and he lovers?”

Bodie stood up, obviously in a rage. He headed towards the door then whirled around and shouted, “No, he is not, if it is any of your business. Is that your concern . . . that I’ve replaced you in my bed with HIM? It’s great to know that’s what you’ve really thought of me these past years. You never could get over my past, could you? I’ll see the Cow in the morning and ask for another partner.”

Starting to open the door, Doyle, with a speed that Bodie had never seen before, grabbed the ex-merc with a grip that brought pain to the larger man’s bicep, but Bodie refused to show any reaction. “Damn you, Bodie, I didn’t say that. You can have anyone you want as a lover, I just wondered why, if Jase had persuaded you to leave, you hadn’t talked it over with me first, that’s all. Of course, I don’t want another partner. We can work together for the next three months or three years, unless you think that you can’t handle it.”

Bodie gently pulled away from Doyle’s slender hand, shaking himself slightly, he replied in a whisper, “Of course, I can handle it, thought you couldn’t. You haven’t been the friendliest crud recently.”

“You haven’t given me much chance to be friendly. You’ve been with Jase most of your free time.”

Bodie dropped his head, showing the truth in that statement. “I know, but let’s not let Jase come between us now. We both need to have our heads on straight if we’re going to handle our jobs otherwise I think Cowley should re-assign one of us.”

“All right, Bodie, it’s back to working together. I’ll do my job, but don’t expect me to forget that you’re leaving. I hope you’ll be happy in your new job; it will seem strange without you eatin’ me food and drinkin’ me beer, but you deserve the very best.”

Quick as a flash the thought, I have been with the best, passed through Bodie’s mind, but he said nothing, just nodded. “All right, mate. I’ll pick you up at 7.00 hours tomorrow, and be prepared to do Father’s bidding.”

“Right!”

Doyle stood with the sickest smile on his face long after Bodie left the flat. Doyle felt as if he had been crushed by a weight that was so oppressive, he couldn’t even expand his chest cavity to take a much needed breath. What was he going to do without Bodie? Why didn’t I ask if it was having sex with me that had turned him off? He said that he wasn’t having a physical relationship with Jase so maybe he doesn’t want a man anymore? Maybe, if I promise to stay away from him . . . in that way, he’ll think again?

Doyle threw himself supine onto the settee. He didn’t care if he had his boots on; he lay there sprawled out, with one forearm across his eyes as if he couldn’t stand to see his battered image in his own mind. Five years . . . five years of living in each others’ pockets, laughing, fighting, arguing, being friends and none of it seemed to count for anything. Doyle had really thought that he had beat Bodie’s jinx of wanting to move on after a few years in one place. Once again the abyss of commitment had reared its ugly head.

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“Look, if you want my resignation, just ask for it, all right?”

Bodie stood in the small cell, breathing heavily, his handsome face full of fury. Once again George Cowley had put his partner in jeopardy. Doyle had been impersonating Pete Van Neikerk for several days. The South African was a paid assassin who had been picked up at the airport after a quick confrontation inside and outside of an arriving jet. Doyle had quickly taken on the role of the assassin and now Van Neikerk had escaped.

Van Neikerk had already murdered one CI5 agent, who had been bringing him some food, and now he was on the loose obviously going after an unaware Doyle. Bodie could hear the furious voice of George Cowley telling him that he wanted him to get on the phone and warn Doyle and stop acting like a prima dona. Never in all his years had Bodie come so close to hitting the older man that he was once felt so loyal to. Doyle had replaced Cowley in his loyalty and now, or at least in a few months, even that loyalty would come to an end.

But, for the time being, Ray Doyle was still Bodie’s partner, best friend, and assigned duty, so Bodie would leave no stone unturned to get his partner back and he would worry about the consequences later.

Luckily a few hours later, Bodie received a phone call from the missing agent. Van Neikerk had caught up to Doyle, but instead of killing him, he had stashed him with a sizeable lump on his head in the boot of a parked car. Van Neikerk could not have foreseen that two young drunken men would take the car and go for a joyride which ended with Doyle being thrown out and the two men going over the side of a hill and the petrol tank blowing up.

When Bodie saw Doyle along the side of the rode, he said very little except to ask if Doyle wanted a lift and then to make a sarcastic remark about the location of Doyle’s brains after the golli had rubbed his extremely sore bum. The whole incident had been like old times, with the two men working together as partners. Bodie had even gently caressed Doyle’s chest when Doyle had threatened to bang Bodie’s head in retaliation. It had been so long since the two men had really touched each other. It felt good to have some of the old camaraderie back, but soon Bodie realized that it was just temporary because the days until his contract expired were winding down very rapidly.

Cowley genuinely seemed to be making an effort to keep the two men were working together. Doyle’s efforts to return to the rural police force to round up the Sangster gang was amply helped by Bodie’s assignment as a sugar beet salesperson. They worked well together as the gang tried to make off with the Straten 4 device. Before Bodie had been cuffed, he had taken on a vicious dog to give Doyle time to empty the petrol from the waiting plane. Their partnership only took on some minor damage when the still-cuffed Bodie was arrested by the rural police who arrived on the scene, just in time to apprehend Sangster and his murdering cohorts. Bodie pointed out to Doyle, without let up, that he really didn’t appreciate his smelly partner laughing as he was hauled away to the local gaol.

Even the death of Diana Molner did not weaken their working relationship, although it was a close run thing. Doyle was always the one to get involved with the individuals that they were trying to help. Molner and her brother paid with their lives for their efforts to use drugs to bring down the government in their home country. The fact that George Cowley had declared the protection of Molner to be an Operation Susie did nothing to undermine their trust in each other, but it badly damaged their trust in George Cowley.

The fury on Doyle’s face when he saw the dead girl, lying in her own blood in the unused train car, would stay with Bodie for a very long time. It was Bodie, who wanted to take a few with him, in what appeared to be a losing cause, but it was Doyle whose morality was tried to the nth degree when the innocent girl was shot, while supposedly under the two men’s protection.

After Diana Molner had been removed by the coroner, the two partners could barely talk to each other. Doyle’s guilt and fury were at equal levels. Bodie didn’t know what to do so they returned to CI5 headquarters to write another one of the never ending reports that George Cowley always insisted upon. Doyle got done first as he often did and stormed out of headquarters not even bothering to talk to Cowley because this time he was really afraid that he would do violence to the older man.

It was Bodie, who stayed around, to turn in both reports and who found out that Cowley had used his tremendous influence as leverage against the government minister who was running the search for Diana Molner. Treason became the lever that got the mission against the innocent woman called off but not in time.

In fact, Bodie was just as upset with Cowley as Doyle was but for a different reason. Cowley had betrayed Diana Molner because he would not risk CI5 in a confrontation with the Government . . . so Diana Molner paid with her life. This is what made Doyle furious . . . Cowley preached that innocent civilians must be protected, but everyone and everything became expendable to save CI5, and Doyle could not take it anymore so he walked out of the headquarters, not sure what his plans would be.

Bodie, on the other hand, was furious because Cowley, had, once again, made his two agents the scapegoats. He was used to this concept in the mercs, in the Army and elsewhere, but George Cowley played the game better than anybody, and while Bodie understood it, he could not forgive it this time - - he and especially Doyle had almost lost their lives. Thinking back to the despair on Doyle’s face as he saw the lifeless body of Diana Molner, Bodie could only think about what would happen to Doyle once Bodie left to join the security firm.

Bodie left headquarters and, without thought, drove to Doyle’s flat. Once he arrived there, he tried to focus his thoughts onto the real reason that he was here. After all, Doyle was going to have to come to grips with the loss of his partner in just over three months. Why go and comfort the man now? Nevertheless, William Bodie left his car and headed towards the outside door to Doyle’s flat. Banging on the buzzer in his usual rhythmic pattern, Bodie became concerned when the noise didn’t rouse his partner. He knew Doyle was upset, but was the snarky golli just refusing to answer or was there something seriously wrong? Bodie’s mind flew back to the most awful day of his life when he had broken into Doyle’s flat and saw the slender man in the white coat, bleeding his life away.

If truth were told, Bodie had never been able to forgive himself for forgetting his R/T during the most important crisis of his life. How could he forget such an important device when it could have cost Doyle his life? The few extra minutes that it took to run back to the car to call for help might have made the difference and resulted in Doyle’s death and left Bodie all alone.

A shudder ran through the ex-merc as he remembered that feeling of being responsible for the possible death of his partner. Bodie had long ago got used to the feeling of impending death for himself. There were certainly times in Africa and Jordan where that feeling had been very prevalent and very real, but now that Bodie thought about it, although he had been close to Jase, his death in any of those exotic places would not have meant the same to Bodie as the possibility as Doyle’s loss.

The dark abyss of commitment seemed to open as the gates of hell as Bodie suddenly realized how important Doyle had become to him in the past five years. Maybe that was it: he had been with Doyle for five years and he had only spent a little over three years, off and on, with Jase. Time does make the heart grow fonder surmised Bodie as he miss paraphrased the saying.

Finally, Bodie heard a sleepy-voiced Doyle answer his buzzer, just as he was preparing to break in. Bodie let out a sigh of relief as Doyle mumbled, “Sorry, I fell asleep.”

Not expecting Doyle to let down his guilt complex long enough to find the time to sleep, Bodie was surprised that his friend had been so out of it that he would not hear the buzzer, but he hoped that the kip had improved his moody partner’s attitude.

Rushing up the stairs to the open door, Bodie walked in and looked around. He could hear Doyle in the small kitchen that went with this new flat. Walking to the kitchen’s portal, Bodie could still see the curly hair thrown back as Doyle seemed to be draining a jug of juice dry. Bodie smiled as he remembered that was always Doyle’s remedy for the drowsy effects from an afternoon kip.

After Doyle drained the jug, he set it down quietly with a great deal more concentration than the moment warranted. Obviously, Doyle was struggling for time to regain his composure for what surely was going to be a difficult visit from Bodie.

Now that Bodie had Doyle in his sights, he realized that he wasn’t sure what he was going to say or even why he was here. After all, Ray Doyle was a big boy now and had been in law enforcement for numerous years and had seen death in every one of its ugly forms, and he had survived. He certainly didn’t need his soon-to-be ex-partner to comfort him, and yet, Bodie, knew that Doyle did need him, and, perhaps, this would be the last time.

For a moment the two men stood, staring at each other until Doyle finally burst forth with, “Don’t need a baby-sitter, do I?”

“I’m not here to baby-sit.”

“Oh, then why are you here?”

“Maybe, I need a bit of comfort.”

For a moment Doyle stood as if he didn’t know quite what to say, then some of the feeling of abandonment burst forth with his rude question, “Well, why didn’t you go find Jase then?”

Bodie’s eyes became hard as the Hope Diamond and somewhat the same colour. Bodie’s face turned slightly red as he mumbled in the coldest tone he could summon, “Sorry, I bothered.” He turned quickly and headed towards the front door, but even though Doyle was clearly exhausted, he beat his partner to the door and threw himself in front of it. He looked up at his partner; his eyes defiant. “You going to run away from me again? Before, you would have busted me on the jaw, which I deserve, and then we would have talked. Is it so hard to talk to me now?”

Bodie stood rigidly still, not sure what to say. Slowly, he brought his left hand up to Doyle’s broken cheek and caressed it. Doyle closed his eyes as the pleasure seeped through him. Bodie smiled because Doyle had done this so many times as a prelude to their need for comfort that, more than not, had led to sex.

Bodie smiled as he blue eyes sparkled, “You need some sleep, mate. Let’s go to bed.”

For a moment, Doyle’s green orbs flared with anger as he spit out, “Is that all I’m good for now - - sex?”

Sadness entered the blue eyes as he continued to stare at the feisty, little mongrel that was prepared to take on both him and the world, if necessary; then Bodie whispered, “No, Angelfish, you’re good for a lot of things, including this.” Bodie leaned forward and licked the seductive Cupid’s bow lips that had enticed him from the very beginning. “Let’s go cuddle; won’t have many more times to do so.”

For a moment Bodie thought his friend would refuse. Stubbornness was the very epitome of Doyle’s nature, then something changed in Doyle’s face and the curls began to wiggle as Doyle nodded his head in the affirmative.

By the time the two men were in the bedroom, they were naked. Doyle occupied his usual side and lay there prepared for whatever Bodie wanted, but after standing by the side of the bed for more than a minute, Bodie shook his head, and said with a great deal of affection. “Stop playing the martyr, Ray. This is about both of us, and we both need comfort. I know you don’t think much of my past, but I’m not into seein’ young women slaughtered either, just to make it more convenient for someone else.”
Slowly, Bodie entered the bed and took the slender, walking wet dream into his arms. Within seconds the two men were entwined as Doyle laid his head on Bodie’s shoulder. Their need for comfort overrode everything at the moment, and the tender kisses lavished by Bodie up and down the curly top was like a soporific as Doyle’s eyes became heavier and heavier. Within seconds, Doyle was asleep. Bodie, however, continued to look at the exhausted face for several more minutes before, he too fell asleep.

When Doyle woke several hours later, it was to the irritating sound of his R/T. Groping around for it, he knocked it off the nightstand before finally answering the call. “4.5, what’s up?”

“Is that the proper way to answer a call, 4.5?”

“Sorry, sir, haven’t had much sleep and I’m a bit groggy on the fundamentals of responding on the R/T.”

“Hmmm, I’m looking for 3.7 as well, would you have any idea where he is located?”

Realizing that Bodie must have left his R/T in his car, Doyle quickly looked over at the bundled mass that occupied the other side of the bed. Bodie was just waking up, so his rate of comprehension was only one step above the primordial ooze. Luckily for the ex-Para, he had been trained to re-focus almost immediately so both men were ready to listen.

Grabbing Doyle’s R/T, Bodie acknowledged his location while Doyle rushed around the room grabbing clothes if an immediate call-out was necessary.

“Very well, 4.5 and 3.7, I will expect you in my office at precisely 9.00 hours tomorrow. Doyle, be sure that you see the doctor about those burns on your wrists. We cannot afford to have you less than perfect on the range.”

“The range, sir?”

“Yes, I believe you do know what that is. Your recent activities have not permitted you much time to perfect your talents, and then you will see Macklin for a ‘refresher’ course on proper methods during a siege.”

Doyle looked at Bodie who seemed to be slightly flustered. Doyle, on the other hand, was furious. After what Cowley had done, he had the nerve to question their method of defending themselves. It was true a civilian was killed, but Cowley had virtually abandoned the three of them to the mercy of the Ministry’s mob.

Once again, Bodie took the R/T from his partner’s hand and acknowledged the sign-off. The temperature was extremely cold in the room, and Bodie knew that it wasn’t from the weather outside. He could see that Doyle was furious. Figuring it was better to launch a defence rather than be overwhelmed, Bodie opened his mouth to speak, but was immediately silenced by a cold glare from his partner, and then the famous Doyle temper really took hold.

“You’ve already seen Cowley? You talked to him and did nothing to let him know what we thought of his efforts to save Diana Molner. How dare you come here last night and try and romance me out of filing a complaint about Cowley’s tactics. He’s such a hypocrite; he’s always preaching that civilians must come first. Isn’t that in his golden words of wisdom in his little pep talk to all new recruits? And you practically go running to him to kiss his . . . well, whatever you kiss.”

Doyle was so infuriated that he didn’t see the punch coming, but he certainly felt the message that it left. Popping back up he immediately threw himself at Bodie’s angry body and the two men began to wrestle. The bed made it more difficult to get good holds and certainly hindered their mobility, but both men were totally exhausted as they would not call it quits.

Finally, difficulty in grabbing the sweat encrusted bodies became so much a preponderance of the match that the two men dropped to the mattress, feeling as if they had been run over by a lorry.

The partners lay side by side for several minutes, then a gasping Doyle whispered, “You goin’ to explain yourself?”

For a moment, Bodie was silent then he began in a ritual sing-song voice, “Well, I was born in 1946. I grew up in Liverpool. I have a tattoo on my . . . “

The ex-merc had to give up his sing-song recitation, however, when the air was driven out of his body as Doyle threw himself on his partner’s vulnerable stomach. The wrestling began anew but ended much quicker as both men were extremely tired. Doyle sat on his knees for a moment before turning and flopping supine next to his recent wrestling mate. “I didn’t mean your life story, you moron. I meant explain yourself for betraying our partnership and going to Cowley.”

“I didn’t betray our partnership. Remember, you were the one who flounced out of headquarters today, so I was left with turning in both reports. Cowley caught me as I was putting them in Betty’s in-box, and told me that he had actually threatened Northcott with a charge of treason in order to get his men called off. It wasn’t Cowley’s fault that Diana was killed before the order went through.”

Doyle said nothing for several minutes so Bodie sat up in bed and stared at the slender, seductive body. Even in his fury, Doyle was beautiful. Finally, Doyle spoke, “You know I’m beginnin’ to think that you’re right to get out of this business. If we have to protect civilians from our own government, then what good are we?”

Bodie looked down at the bed as if he didn’t know what answer to give. “I guess we just do our best, and hope we succeed sometimes.”

Doyle sat up and stared with his green eyes looking as frozen as Bodie had ever seen them, “Yeah, I guess that’s why you move on so often, so you don’t have to deal with some of this shite.” With those words, Doyle bounced off the bed and headed toward the loo.

By the time, Doyle was done with his overlong shower which he was deliberately using to calm down his fury; Bodie had left his bed and the flat. Doyle wiped his eyes in despair. He had alienated his partner once again. Maybe it was a good thing that their partnership would come to an end in just a few months.

End of Part 3

Part Four