(no subject)
You wanna know something? I hate my BA. I think it's going to fucking suck.
There is simply no way I am going to be able to pull this all together. There are so many different ways that it could all come tumbling down around my feet, that I can hardly conceive of them all. And I am so dependent upon the participation of certain particular other people. And I have no way of guaranteeing that any of them will acquiesce, in the end. And why should they? This project is founded on nothing on zip, zero, zilch ideas. None. I am whipping this shit out of air because I don't have enough time to be basing it on ideas that stand for something.
BECAUSE THE GODDAMN TAPS DEPARTMENT DEADLINES ARE SO RETARDED I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT!!!
I should know the answers to all of my current questions weeks ago, months ago!!! I should have had all of this stuff by last SPRING! But no, everyone kept telling me, "Don't worry about it, you'll be fine!" Well, I'm NOT FINE. I am not remotely anywhere near being FINE. This project is going to be mediocre due to lack of preparation because everyone kept telling me I was going to be FINE - and in my book, mediocre has nothing to DO with FINE. Mediocre is about as far from FINE as you can fucking GET! And I guess I should never have listened to Coleman when she told me it was fine to not have any fucking clue what I was doing as of last Spring. Because I know how long it takes me to do good work. And two quarters just doesn't cut it! I need a year.
TAPS needs to give their concentrators a year - a full year - to develop their projects. And they need to not tell them they're going to be FINE if they come up with their fucking BA project two quarters ahead of time. This is bullshit. I mean, I know that I'm to blame myself, but I could have put so much more pressure on myself about this so much longer ago if everyone had just stopped telling me I was going to be fine.
Fuck this. I'm going to go get drunk on my parents expensive but room-temperature liquor (no ice! no ice ever in the whole goddamn house! they don't even make it in the freezer anymore!) and fall into an alcohol induced sleep.
There is simply no way I am going to be able to pull this all together. There are so many different ways that it could all come tumbling down around my feet, that I can hardly conceive of them all. And I am so dependent upon the participation of certain particular other people. And I have no way of guaranteeing that any of them will acquiesce, in the end. And why should they? This project is founded on nothing on zip, zero, zilch ideas. None. I am whipping this shit out of air because I don't have enough time to be basing it on ideas that stand for something.
BECAUSE THE GODDAMN TAPS DEPARTMENT DEADLINES ARE SO RETARDED I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT!!!
I should know the answers to all of my current questions weeks ago, months ago!!! I should have had all of this stuff by last SPRING! But no, everyone kept telling me, "Don't worry about it, you'll be fine!" Well, I'm NOT FINE. I am not remotely anywhere near being FINE. This project is going to be mediocre due to lack of preparation because everyone kept telling me I was going to be FINE - and in my book, mediocre has nothing to DO with FINE. Mediocre is about as far from FINE as you can fucking GET! And I guess I should never have listened to Coleman when she told me it was fine to not have any fucking clue what I was doing as of last Spring. Because I know how long it takes me to do good work. And two quarters just doesn't cut it! I need a year.
TAPS needs to give their concentrators a year - a full year - to develop their projects. And they need to not tell them they're going to be FINE if they come up with their fucking BA project two quarters ahead of time. This is bullshit. I mean, I know that I'm to blame myself, but I could have put so much more pressure on myself about this so much longer ago if everyone had just stopped telling me I was going to be fine.
Fuck this. I'm going to go get drunk on my parents expensive but room-temperature liquor (no ice! no ice ever in the whole goddamn house! they don't even make it in the freezer anymore!) and fall into an alcohol induced sleep.