(no subject)
tonight i saw sally mann speak and it was fucking incredible. especially because the last lecture i saw was from gregory crewdson and he is a load of shit, not to mention not a particularly nice or down to earth fellow. she was so genuine and absolutely stunning. i want to be like her when im grown up.
my work load is actually significantly less this week and it makes me happy. just a few more weeks and ill be able to rest and it will be great. i have no problem being an insomniac until then, i can always sleep later. i just wish there were more hours in the day. never more so have i understood this commonly used phrase. i have to finish my belt buckle and ring for jewlery, as well as finish wax carving so we can cast my mushroom pendant in silver on monday, which will be radical. aside from that, i have to put together a slide presentation on hellen van meene for digital on tuesday, which shouldnt be particlarly time consuming or difficult. then over break i need to work on my tin types, and shoot just about as much as i possibley can. ill probably be toting around my monorail under my arm for the next week and half or so. im also working over break which will be good because i am absolutely broke as it gets. im excited for all access and late nights at school, because hauling ass makes you feel so fulfilled at the end of the semester. i still love school. OH! and also i think im going to chicago over christmas break and staying with sissy and that we are going to go on a drive from there to minnesota to visit our friend hilary whom we havent seen since the end of last year. hilary is a wonderful soft spoken and sweet girl with the most amazing way about her. a visionary in training, this one. it should only be about 200 for a plane ticket, so i should be able to make that before i have to buy the ticket. im also watching sissys cat over xmas break, and she is the sweetest baby and makes me smile. i love to cuddle her.
one thing i havent been feeling so posatively about however is my situation with men. i cannot for the life of me understand how its coming up on four years since ive had a boyfriend. it makes me feel sad about myself. IM COOL I SWEAR! AND FUNNY TOO! AND BIG BOOBS!!! how is it that no one i find myself interested in reciprocates? i cant help but feel like one of two things is the likely answer. either i am completely undesirable and there is something wrong with me that i do now know about which repulses boys and sends them running, or they are intimidated by the fact that i am an independant, strong willed, assertive woman who doesnt take shit. what will it take for me to find a guy that likes that i am my own person?? why are guys attracted to girls who morph to like what they do and lose all of their personhood just to be with them? doesnt that mean you arent for eachother? i dont know, i dont understand. relationships are bogus. i dont complain that much i think, but when i do it is about this. and i want to stop complaining but i think ill only stop when i find a dude who i dig who digs me too. or should i just get a dumb bitch makeover and compromise all my morals to find a guy who will take care of me so i dont have to think for myself ever again? hm...
when i go home my mom said she was going to take me shopping for my belated bday present. even though im an asshole and forgot her birthday. she was understanding about it, but it doesnt make me feel any better because i am a douchebag for doing that. anyway, im excited to get new boots and warm clothes. i feel like most of my wardrobe consists of tank tops and pieces i cant layer without looking like a bag lady. or maybe i should go for that look. i think i want a pair of doc martens. they are practical! and im feeling on the grungey look lately. i need more heavy sweaters and just any pair of jeans that fits my huge ass. and socks and gloves and maybe a hat or two! i dont have much else left to say.
holding out til tomorrow.
my work load is actually significantly less this week and it makes me happy. just a few more weeks and ill be able to rest and it will be great. i have no problem being an insomniac until then, i can always sleep later. i just wish there were more hours in the day. never more so have i understood this commonly used phrase. i have to finish my belt buckle and ring for jewlery, as well as finish wax carving so we can cast my mushroom pendant in silver on monday, which will be radical. aside from that, i have to put together a slide presentation on hellen van meene for digital on tuesday, which shouldnt be particlarly time consuming or difficult. then over break i need to work on my tin types, and shoot just about as much as i possibley can. ill probably be toting around my monorail under my arm for the next week and half or so. im also working over break which will be good because i am absolutely broke as it gets. im excited for all access and late nights at school, because hauling ass makes you feel so fulfilled at the end of the semester. i still love school. OH! and also i think im going to chicago over christmas break and staying with sissy and that we are going to go on a drive from there to minnesota to visit our friend hilary whom we havent seen since the end of last year. hilary is a wonderful soft spoken and sweet girl with the most amazing way about her. a visionary in training, this one. it should only be about 200 for a plane ticket, so i should be able to make that before i have to buy the ticket. im also watching sissys cat over xmas break, and she is the sweetest baby and makes me smile. i love to cuddle her.
one thing i havent been feeling so posatively about however is my situation with men. i cannot for the life of me understand how its coming up on four years since ive had a boyfriend. it makes me feel sad about myself. IM COOL I SWEAR! AND FUNNY TOO! AND BIG BOOBS!!! how is it that no one i find myself interested in reciprocates? i cant help but feel like one of two things is the likely answer. either i am completely undesirable and there is something wrong with me that i do now know about which repulses boys and sends them running, or they are intimidated by the fact that i am an independant, strong willed, assertive woman who doesnt take shit. what will it take for me to find a guy that likes that i am my own person?? why are guys attracted to girls who morph to like what they do and lose all of their personhood just to be with them? doesnt that mean you arent for eachother? i dont know, i dont understand. relationships are bogus. i dont complain that much i think, but when i do it is about this. and i want to stop complaining but i think ill only stop when i find a dude who i dig who digs me too. or should i just get a dumb bitch makeover and compromise all my morals to find a guy who will take care of me so i dont have to think for myself ever again? hm...
when i go home my mom said she was going to take me shopping for my belated bday present. even though im an asshole and forgot her birthday. she was understanding about it, but it doesnt make me feel any better because i am a douchebag for doing that. anyway, im excited to get new boots and warm clothes. i feel like most of my wardrobe consists of tank tops and pieces i cant layer without looking like a bag lady. or maybe i should go for that look. i think i want a pair of doc martens. they are practical! and im feeling on the grungey look lately. i need more heavy sweaters and just any pair of jeans that fits my huge ass. and socks and gloves and maybe a hat or two! i dont have much else left to say.
holding out til tomorrow.