(cat maxwell says THIS STILL BLOWS. nonetheless...)
so: it's okay when people put me on hold. but
in the context of life -- i have the right to go play with
myself or turn on music or do ANYTHING while i
am on hold, especially when it comes to relationships
does she want to make love and come, does she want
to fuck and get off? they are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS,
one is vulgar and one is utterly innocent. i know which i prefer.
so for example: while "chick x" is sending at me *make up your mind*
and sending all these mixed messages -- i stopped thinking with
my dick when i was 12 years old. i don't think with my dick.
and as far as relationships are concerned, i won't live a cliche.
being an anarchist means being an anarchist and having relationships
with people who understand that -- and keeping people who don't get that
on the outside of my life, not even looking in.
they can't really get me anyway - people who worship government
in this day and age are the actual imbalanced -- government like
this global order is rebellion against the natural way of life. it's so obvious
if we look at the Ozone layer *for example yeah. what's the deal?* the rainforest
or New Jersey. especially the shore.
to be free, to live free without compromise is not rebellion.
the Nazis are rebellion against God, and they are proud of it.
Nietzche was proud of his rejection of nature in favor of male dominance.
and thus syph ate his brain.
so i have to reevaluate now, because it's getting tight.
it's getting tight and i can feel it.
Normal people are talking about SubGenius stuff now,
forbidden science and the Conspiracy. they don't have the deft
experience that natural surrealists have at seeing 'the things behind things'
but also they don't naturally choose the Void of Holocaust and pointlessness
as do most atheists, it seems, and Nihilists.
it's getting tight -- and if someone is going to like me secretly
but wait to see if i am going to get prosperous, like Candi, well,
that's not why i make friends and why I won't speak with her anymore.
that's too materialistic. i'm not a refrigerator.
plus it's ironic because stuff is bearing fruit. she is addicted to guilt
she has some kind of complex. i knew she was into me in 1989.
but she couldn't BE HONEST WITH ME OR HERSELF.
and when it started looking like i was going to make some money,
all of a sudden this weird schizo attention. that's not what i want.
she can go hug a bag of quarters.
"love is the law, love under will."
Since Crowley was a Satanist,
ALL of Thelema can be reevaluated and rewritten.
Maybe I want to be known as one of the nicest guys that ever lived
rather than the wickedest. egotistical Satanist.
those guys are all the real losers of Tarot.
The Finger for them.