Argument with someone on an odd subject.
"If you love something set it free; if it returns its yours forever, if not it was never meant to be"
I'm sure everyone's heard that saying before. I know I've heard it many times as well. This may surprise you, but I've never liked that metaphor, nor do I believe in it. I was talking with a lady about it online yesterday, explaining my point, and all in all it was an interesting discussion.
She asked me why I didn't believe it, and I put it to her by saying that it seemed, for lack of a better analogy, to be comparing love to a caged bird. She agreed with that, and added that it could be any other living thing. She went on to say that the idea was that if it was meant to be, that the creature would return to you. If not, it would fly away.
I told her then about a pet bird I used to have. It would sit on my shoulder as I walked around my home. One time, I foolishly took it outside, assuming that if it flew, it would return to me. Well, fly it did, and in a flurry of confusion, wonder, fear, and exhilaration. By the time the bird had rested, I had no possible way of finding it, nor it a way back to me. My poor bird died of starvation and exposure, unable to return home to the people and family that loved it.
She said that was very sad, but it meant something important. I replied that yes, it did, it means don't let domestic animals run loose outside! The problem with the metaphor is that you're assuming that the thing you set free even KNOWS how to return to you. It spent all its time in nurture and warmth and care before that, now you've released it, and like that bird it will likely be filled with wonder, exhilaration, fear, and confusion. And like that bird, it won't even have a chance of returning unless it is VERY lucky. Lucky enough to have stayed in sight, lucky enough to have had you chase after it quickly enough to remain in sight, lucky enough to have avoided predators and hunters, lucky enough to have not flown into immediate danger.
If you love something set it free. If it returns then you are really, really, REALLY lucky. If it doesn't, then it probably died in sorrow and cold, and it never had to.
Because that's a horrible analogy, and unfortunately, it is used by many people as a reason and logic for breaking up, cheating, getting divorces, taking breaks during times of confusion and doubt, etc. There are indeed times when taking a break in a relationship, from romantic to business to friendship, is the correct course of action, but most of the time, the better solution would be to talk honestly and try working through whatever the problem is together; if that means getting a third party, then that's a good idea. A large part of why the divorce rate has gone up over the years is that we no longer do that.
We just assume that it was never meant to be, because we let the bird fly, and what a surprise: it died.
I propose a different analogy. Here's the one I believe, and the one I cling to.
"Love is like a seed. Nurture it, tend it, and learn when to water it and when to leave it alone. It takes time and effort, and sometimes it means sacrifice, but oh, what a beautiful thing can be grown! But if you abandon it, you should not be surprised in the least to return and find it brittle and dried up, dead from lack of care."
I'm sure everyone's heard that saying before. I know I've heard it many times as well. This may surprise you, but I've never liked that metaphor, nor do I believe in it. I was talking with a lady about it online yesterday, explaining my point, and all in all it was an interesting discussion.
She asked me why I didn't believe it, and I put it to her by saying that it seemed, for lack of a better analogy, to be comparing love to a caged bird. She agreed with that, and added that it could be any other living thing. She went on to say that the idea was that if it was meant to be, that the creature would return to you. If not, it would fly away.
I told her then about a pet bird I used to have. It would sit on my shoulder as I walked around my home. One time, I foolishly took it outside, assuming that if it flew, it would return to me. Well, fly it did, and in a flurry of confusion, wonder, fear, and exhilaration. By the time the bird had rested, I had no possible way of finding it, nor it a way back to me. My poor bird died of starvation and exposure, unable to return home to the people and family that loved it.
She said that was very sad, but it meant something important. I replied that yes, it did, it means don't let domestic animals run loose outside! The problem with the metaphor is that you're assuming that the thing you set free even KNOWS how to return to you. It spent all its time in nurture and warmth and care before that, now you've released it, and like that bird it will likely be filled with wonder, exhilaration, fear, and confusion. And like that bird, it won't even have a chance of returning unless it is VERY lucky. Lucky enough to have stayed in sight, lucky enough to have had you chase after it quickly enough to remain in sight, lucky enough to have avoided predators and hunters, lucky enough to have not flown into immediate danger.
If you love something set it free. If it returns then you are really, really, REALLY lucky. If it doesn't, then it probably died in sorrow and cold, and it never had to.
Because that's a horrible analogy, and unfortunately, it is used by many people as a reason and logic for breaking up, cheating, getting divorces, taking breaks during times of confusion and doubt, etc. There are indeed times when taking a break in a relationship, from romantic to business to friendship, is the correct course of action, but most of the time, the better solution would be to talk honestly and try working through whatever the problem is together; if that means getting a third party, then that's a good idea. A large part of why the divorce rate has gone up over the years is that we no longer do that.
We just assume that it was never meant to be, because we let the bird fly, and what a surprise: it died.
I propose a different analogy. Here's the one I believe, and the one I cling to.
"Love is like a seed. Nurture it, tend it, and learn when to water it and when to leave it alone. It takes time and effort, and sometimes it means sacrifice, but oh, what a beautiful thing can be grown! But if you abandon it, you should not be surprised in the least to return and find it brittle and dried up, dead from lack of care."