The High Cost of Loving [3/3]
Title of Fic: The High Cost of Loving
Author Name: longlost10
Chapter #: 3/3
Category: Romance
Rating: NC-17 for non-con
Summary: Ginny's getting tired of Harry's attitude and finds comfort in a very unlikely source. Post-Hogwarts.
Previous chapters:
Chapter One
Chapter TwoTap. Tap. Tap.
The next morning the sound of talons hitting glass woke Ginny up from the lightest sleep she had ever experienced. She kept waking up throughout the night, shifting her position on Draco’s chest slightly as memories of the night and words spoken ran through her head. It didn’t make for a restful night.
She slowly got off of Draco, who was still out cold, and looked at the clock on the wall. It was only about half past seven. She wondered briefly who was looking for either one of them as she walked over to the window and opened it, letting the owl fly in. As it landed next to her, she realized the note that was attached to the owl’s leg was for her.
“Harry.” She whispered his name in a quiet yet aggravated tone. Ginny knew the owner of the owl in front of her instantly. True, Harry did try to apologize earlier, but she had no intention of letting the incident go. She held out her arm and the auburn colored owl fluttered and landed on her shoulder. She ran a hand down the back of the owl to keep it calm as she snuck out of the bedroom.
She heard Draco move slightly, but by the time she turned around and looked at him, he was fast asleep once more. After closing the door, Ginny moved over to the couch where last night started and placed the owl on the table. Immediately, it started to happily jump around, clearly excited to be somewhere new. “Cyprian, stay still.” She said quietly, moving forward and struggling slightly to take the note from its leg. It was a shame that Cyprian acted more like Pigwidgeon than Hedwig, honestly.
She shook the thought of Harry’s past owl and turned her attention back to the note in her hand. Sure enough, Harry’s scribble appeared once she unfolded the parchment. In some places, his handwriting was jagged, as if he were shaking as he wrote the letter.
Ginny-
I was thinking about what you said the other day. I viewed our meeting in the Pensieve over a dozen times. And I know what I did was awful, I know what I did was wrong, and I know you could never forgive me for it.
And that’s okay.
But I just want a chance to talk to you… it doesn’t have to be about that night. It could be about your job hunt or we could invite your brother and Hermione if you don’t want it to be us two alone.
I’m not even looking at a relationship- I’m looking at being friends again and getting your trust back. Please, humour me and come by my flat- we’ll have a butterbeer or tea, my treat. Either send Cyprian with a time, or just show up… I really couldn’t care less as long as you come eventually.
-Harry
As she finished reading his words on the parchment, her gut instinct was to burn the paper and send the owl back to Harry with a strongly worded letter. However, after a second read-through, she determined that an angry response would probably be a bad idea. She couldn’t remember a time that Harry was as shaken up as he seemed in the letter.
She gave a heavy sigh and took a quill off of the table where Cyprian stood. On the back of Harry’s note, she replied in what she thought could be perceived as a short tone.
Harry,
Perhaps we could meet for tea around three this afternoon?
I won’t promise you anything regarding relationship or even a friendship, but today could be a day to talk things out.
Sincerely,
Ginny
She looked over the note once more and, after a few rereads in different tones of voice, thought it was pretty good. When she normally wrote Harry, back when they were still together anyway, she would always sign it “Love, Ginny”. She hoped that he would notice the strange sign off and realize that she was still hesitant to trust him again. With that thought, she folded the note closed, attached it to Cyprian’s leg and sent the owl out the window.
A few minutes passed where Ginny stood at the window, watching the black shape of an owl disappear into the morning clouds. Harry really was a sweet guy sometimes, but he just lost control of himself when he needed to keep calm. She wondered how much he was affected by the war. Maybe he only had enough willpower to stay in control while he was in the Auror office. Her worried thoughts left her, however, when the sound of a door opening behind her caught her attention.
Draco emerged from the dark room with his blond hair messed up in a way that made Ginny give him a silly grin. He was in the middle of a yawn as he stretched and started to speak. “Whatchu doing up?” He said, almost struggling with the words. Ginny couldn’t help but notice how adorable he sounded before realizing what was going on.
She just turned away from the window and started to walk into the kitchen area. “Oh nothing… an owl just came by…” she said vaguely. She almost smiled at the thought that she might have sounded like Luna for a moment. “I have a job interview. Around three, so I’ll be gone then.” She said as she started to pour herself a bowl of cereal.
The sound of bare feet walking across the wooden floor echoed in her ears as arms wrapped around her middle. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Draco leaning against her shoulder. Ginny leaned back into him and nuzzled her cheek against his as he squeezed her against him in a way that made her let out a little squeal. “I’m so proud of you.” He whispered into her ear.
She put down the box of cereal and turned towards him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “Oh yeah?” She asked.
“Yeah.” His smile was gentle, his grey eyes soft as he looked over her face. “You’re one of the strongest women I know. After what happened with Harry, you were able to leave him behind and move on.” Draco’s words made her stomach churn into a knot. “What job are you interviewing for?”
For some reason the change of subject, to the lie she was telling him, made her relax a little. “Some position with the ministry, I think.” She lied without a moment’s hesitation. “They didn’t specify the department.”
Draco shrugged a little and kissed her nose. “I don’t really care. I’m just happy things are looking up for you.” He said. With that, he let go of her and walked back into the bedroom. A minute or so later, she heard the shower turn on.
Ginny turned her back to the door and started going about her morning biting her lip nervously. Between the letter that came this morning and what happened last night, she couldn’t even lie to herself and say that things were looking up for her. In fact, she was fairly certain she was more confused this morning than she was last night.
---
Three o’clock came fast… too fast for Ginny. For a good majority of the hours and minutes leading up to the now-dreaded hour, she paced in the living room of Draco’s apartment. She was too anxious to go to her own apartment and even though Draco went to work, he let her stay to brew tea or clean up or whatever she desired.
What she desired, though, was to take back the note she sent Harry earlier today. She wanted to avoid him like the plague. She had even expressed this to Draco earlier, who just told her, rather pointedly, she should just suck it up and deal with it. She would have to see Harry again sooner or later, and she might as well do it while he felt guilty and wasn’t going to try anything on her.
At the stroke of three, Ginny took a deep breath, turned on her heel and Disapparate, appearing in an alley by Harry’s flat. It was her normal Apparating spot for when she normally went to his place.
She walked out of the shadows and into the light of the street as she went off to find his apartment building. Once she found it, she went inside to the number 212 and brought her hand up to knock.
The sound made her stomach feel dead and full of dread. The feelings only intensified when the door opened to reveal Harry. He was wearing the maroon button down shirt she liked with black pants. She had always told him to wear that when they went out together- she wondered if he did this to impress her.
While she would not let her face give anything away, she could not say the same for him. His green eyes looked over her as if waiting for Molly Weasley type explosion, but at the same time, she could tell he was happy to see her. After a few seconds of awkward silence, fear came over his face that she knew was potential regret growing in him.
At least the feelings were felt on both sides.
Finally, he spoke. “Ginny.”
She nodded and smiled a little, despite knowing she should be perfectly mad at him. It wasn’t her fault- he was adorable when he was pathetic. Maybe that was why she fell for him so hard the first time. “Hello, Harry.”
He stepped aside and motioned for her to come into his semi-familiar flat. It was much larger then her own, of course, and the last time she had been here they had been a happy pair of teenagers that were enjoying their free weekend off the clock. She remembered it well
Ginny was pressed up against the wall front door, her purse thrown across the room. It only had been a few moments after they had entered had they started their tango. Harry kept his arms around her holding her firmly and securely as his lips explored her neck, going lower until he looked up at her with puppy dog eyes filled with lust. She smiled and unbuttoned her blouse giving him easy access to the prize that, in reality, they both wanted.
“How have you been?” Harry asked her as he led her to the sitting room. Harry sat on the couch while Ginny took the armchair by the extinguished fireplace. It reminded her of being at Hogwarts. It was ironic how she thought her years at Hogwarts were the simplest of her life.
She shrugged a little as she pulled her legs up into the chair and held them against her chest. It was a horrible habit, especially now that she was an adult, but while she was in company of people she knew, she felt like she could do it without being judged. “Alright.” She said almost quietly.
They had moved to the couch and she was laying down, staring at Harry who was smiling over her. Her blouse was now fully open and lying under her, the only thing keeping it on her was her arms which were still through the sleeves. ”You look beautiful.” He whispered to her before taking her lips into a kiss. Ginny, who didn’t feel particularly pretty today, voiced this opinion when they separated to breathe. “But you look beautiful to me.” Harry said, the love in his eyes matching his voice. With that, Ginny grabbed his collar and brought him down to a passion-filled kiss that got her moaning and his hands roaming.
“Where have you been staying? Hermione said she’s tried to find you for days and you’re never at your apartment.” Harry said. He got up and grabbed two bottles of butterbeer, offering her one.
Ginny took it with a small smile before taking off the cap and taking a sip. It was as cool and refreshing as she remembered it tasting her first time in Hogsmeade. “At Draco’s apartment.” She said without meeting his eyes. Ginny knew that Harry disapproved of the whole Malfoy clan and wasn’t too keen on seeing his reaction to her staying there.
But the words that came next were anything but harsh- rather they were quiet and almost friendly. “He’s a decent guy, now.” Ginny looked up in surprise. Did Harry just say that Draco Malfoy was a good person? She glanced down at her drink. Was it spiked with something? “After the war, the Auror department took him as a special case. Everything from school was for appearances, for the most part.”
“Did you really invite me over to talk about Draco, Harry?” She asked him quietly. She didn’t really care if they ended up talking about whatever scraps of a relationship they had, she just prefer them steer their conversation away from a potential Draco-hate session.
She watched him shift uncomfortably on the couch. “Of course not, Gin.” He was using that pet name that he thought was so unique. No. She had to be understanding and rational about this. “I just… I want to know what to do. To make you forgive me. Or ignore what happened.”
Ginny pulled her legs even closer to her chest, if that was possible. “I’m not coming back to you, Harry. Not yet. It won’t be-”
“- like before. I know.”
Her fingers fumbled with the button and zipper of his jeans, not that they were easy to take off- his cock was erect and firm. Ginny was shaking from excitement though. A bad day of job hunting left her coming back to Harry’s apartment seeking his reaffirming words that she wasn’t as much of a failure as she thought. In fact, he never once said a bad thing about her or her magical or non magical abilities. He was always sweet to her. Finally, the button unhooked, the zipper slid down and she took the hard in her hands, rubbing it in a way to make him bite back a few moans.
There were a few silent moments where she slowly let her legs slip off of the seat cushion and into the ‘proper’ position for sitting. “Harry… why couldn’t you have just let me be? I left and went to Draco’s.” She said quietly, looking at him. “Why’d you write back? After all this time?”
Harry’s eyes moved to his feet and Ginny could tell that he was thinking over the words very carefully. She thought it would do him some good. “Ginny. You’ve been part of my life since I was eleven.” He paused and she looked away to avoid his eyes. It was a silly school girl thing to do, but she knew he was just trying to win her over. “I couldn’t image you being out of my life forever. Not after all we’ve been through.”
Ginny’s heart ached slightly, but it was short lived as it was quickly infused with anger. He was playing her! He knew she adored their summers together since she was little. He knew how terrified she was when he, Ron and Hermione ran off during her sixth year. He was just saying what she wanted to hear to get what he wanted from her.
But there was always that possibility that he was being serious wasn’t there?
She looked up at his eyes that were shamefully looking at his feet and thought that the possibility was more of a reality then she thought. “I made a giant mistake, Ginny. Please don’t let me lose my best friend because of that.” His voice was barely above a whisper at this point.
But she smirked at him and shook her head slightly. “I haven’t told Ron or Hermione, so I think you’re in the clear.” She said with a joking smile. Harry looked a little shocked that she took that approach, but followed the look of horror with a small smile. The happy atmosphere was welcomed and she let it rest between them before continuing. “Harry. I love you, I always will. But right now, I need some time alone to think things over.”
Harry seemed a little surprised at her words and his smile quickly disappeared. “So why are you with Draco all the time now then?” Not for the first time, his voice had more than a few hints of anger in it. Ginny glared at him, even as he quickly followed up with, “I didn’t mean that!” She stood up, the glare still going strong in his direction, and dropped her voice as she started to talk.
“Don’t lie to me anymore, Harry.” She whispered, her eyes narrow. “I know you meant every word of that.” Did he look offended at her words or was that just how she perceived it? “Right now, Draco’s done more for me than you’ve ever done. So I’d be careful of what you say to me, Harry Potter.”
His face grew pale as she turned her back to him and started for the door before his voice shouting behind her. “Wait!” Ginny couldn’t help but grin to herself at the sound of desperation in his voice. “I- I ended up talking to people the other day. The Holyhead Harpies are looking for a new player. I thought you might be interested, so I sent them your name.” He sounded a little breathless, as if this was a last ditch effort to win her heart.
Despite this knowledge, his voice washed over her like an ice cold bucket of water that made her stop in her tracks. The Holyhead Harpies? They were her favorite Quidditch team ever since she was little (no matter how hard Ron tried to make her support the Chudley Cannons). Half of her wanted to flat out refuse his offer just because he was the one offering it; however Ginny knew she was in no position to decline a potential job interview just because she was angry at Harry. “What do you say?”
Finally, she turned around to look at her childhood crush in all his black haired, green eyed beauty. “You can tell them that I’ll owl them myself. I don’t need your help to get a job, Harry.” He looked a little hurt at her words, but it wasn’t exactly her fault, was it? This whole thing could be avoided if he hadn’t been so stupid and ignorant.
“I do appreciate it though, Harry. Don’t you worry about that.” She walked up to him and gave him a small hug. When she pulled away, she placed her right hand gently on his cheek. “I love you. But you need to work on how you deliver messages. You come off a little harsh.” Ginny gave him a soft grin before a quiet goodbye and leaving his flat.
Once outside, she walked down the hall quickly, using all her energy to avoid actually jogging or running. She turned a corner and leaned against a wall, her whole body shaking from the encounter. She wasn’t sure why she the feeling in her stomach seemed to borderline nausea, or why the hand that touched his face seemed cold. As tears started to make their way down her face, Ginny slid down the wall, her face buried deep in her hands.
---
Two hours later, Ginny sat on the couch at Draco’s apartment with his arm around her, his hand moving up and down her arm in a gentle comforting way. She had retold her encounter with Harry to him and was now struggling to comprehend why it shook her to the core.
“You’re just afraid he’ll hurt you again.” Draco’s voice was quiet and Ginny could tell that he was trying to comfort her, but it was hard to take his words and believe them as truth. “I can see it in your eyes.”
She was torn. Half of her really did want to give Harry the benefit of the doubt. He seemed genuinely apologetic when she met with him earlier. And she really did love him- it wasn’t a lie just to calm him down. However, the other part of her knew that what he did, he did without mercy, without any second thoughts.
Without much of a warning at all, Ginny turned into Draco’s arms and hugged him tight. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring you into this.” She whispered into his shoulder.
He held her in his arms and gave a shrug that she could only feel. “I’m here for you. Whether it was on purpose to get me involved or not, I am now. I will protect you.” He told her quietly. Ginny looked up at him, not really hearing him.
Protecting her?
What had happened to her over the years out of Hogwarts? She used to be so independent, so against anyone’s protection that she was willing to push herself to her limits to prove them she didn’t need protecting. During her time in Dumbledore’s Army, she proved to be one of the better witches of the group, eventually leading it with Luna and Neville in her sixth year.
No one held her back. Ever.
“Thanks.” She said. Both her voice and her body felt empty and cold. It wasn’t anything close to a heartfelt statement but she knew he needed to hear it.
She didn’t want him to think that anything was wrong, even though she felt as if she had a beach ball in her throat. So she stayed against his shoulder for a few minutes more before thanking him again and returning to her room, her mind reeling.
Looking back at her last few weeks with Draco, she realized that he was treating her utterly… feminine. She was treated like a girl, like a lady, at nearly all times. Draco was always watching over her shoulder as she did simple household spells and potions. Ginny was always treated as if she was made out glass and could easily make a mistake that could rock the foundation of the building. Harry had never done that, had he? He let her do her own thing, be independent and do things on her own without his supervision.
While it was nice to get that treatment from a man every now and again, but that wasn’t who she was; it wasn’t Ginny Weasley. It annoyed her that he treated her so nice, with such precaution.
She found herself pacing her small room at a quickening speed, but every time she lost her train of thought, her footsteps slowed. She didn’t know what to think about it all, her heart was being torn in two different directions and there was absolutely no compromise.
Someone was going to be disappointed in the end, and she was sure as hell it wasn’t going to be her.
---
Draco must have realized that he said something wrong, because over the next few days he stopped hovering over her shoulder and double checking on her spell work. It was rather nice and she was staring to relax more around him. So much so, in fact, that when she came back from her Quidditch try out with the Harpies, she ran into his apartment and wrapped her arms around his neck, a smile plastered on her face.
“So... I take it that the interview went well?” He joked, putting his arms around her waist despite the sweat that coated her. He leaned against the kitchen counter momentarily to help
She couldn’t help but laugh and snuggled her face into his shoulder. “It was great. I got 8 out of 10 goals on their keeper, and caught the snitch more times than anyone else.”
His eyes were full of pride as she pulled back to look at him. “I bet you got the position, didn’t you?” Draco looked her up and down with a smirk on his face. “I can already see you in those green robes flying high over the stadium. I think you’d look gorgeous.”
Ginny couldn’t help herself as she broke out in laughter before calming herself down and kissing him teasingly on the side of his mouth. “I made the team. I’m a sub for now, but they said they’ll give me a permanent position in a few days.”
His jaw slacked as his eyes lit up, causing Ginny to smile as he leaned in and kissed her passionately. “I don’t think you’ve been any sexier to me than you are right now.” He breathed when their lips parted.
“You’ve always been this sexy to me… ever since you helped me that day.” She whispered to him with a hint of a growl in her voice as she toyed with his collar. He laughed a little as she started to kiss him down his cheek and down his collarbone, stopping at where his shirt prevented her from continuing.
He shifted her by holding her a little higher up, letting his hard press against her thigh which made her smirk back at him as her hands traveled down his chest. Her hands reached his pants and started to play with the button, looking into his eyes for confirmation that she was doing the right thing.
The brilliant grey eyes told her to keep going, not to stop, so she obeyed eagerly.
Draco’s hands moved down to grip her ass and slid underneath the robe she was wearing and carefully slipped two fingers into her horribly wet folds. Her head flew back as her hand moved down, unzipping his pants and tugging them down, letting them fall to the ground. He took the hand that wasn’t in her and yanked down his underwear before replacing his fingers with his hard.
She moved against him slowly, enjoying every second of it. She felt his hands grip her sides and start to move her faster but she moaned quietly in protest. “No.” She whispered.
He gripped her a little harder, his nails digging into her thigh. “Faster. Move faster.” He said through grit teeth as his hands moved awkwardly against her thigh.
“No… I like it slow.” She whispered with a hint of need in her voice. Her hands traveled from his neck to his hands where she gripped them, trying to pull his nails out of her skin. “Please, it’s my night.”
The grey in his eyes suddenly turned from light and joyful to dark and menacing. “No. We do as I say. Move. Faster.” He said. His voice now had a darker tone then she ever remembered it being, even when they were in school.
Ginny’s eyes widened at his voice and reaction, a mix of fear and anger rising within her. She lifted herself up as to drive into him again but instead jumped off of him, her hands finally ripping his off of her. The minute that her feet were on the floor, she raised her right hand and slapped him hard across the face. “Don’t you dare talk to me that way, Draco Malfoy.”
He looked more than a little surprised as his pale face started to grow redder. “What are you talking about? Ginny, get back here-”
“No! You can’t tell me what to do. I am not just a house elf for you to boss around and monitor while I slave away.” The voice that came out of her mouth was barely hers. It was full of spite, anger and hate towards the man. “Don’t even send me an owl. You’re worse than Harry.” She quickly adjusted her Quidditch practice robes before turning on her heel and leaving the door she had entered less than an hour ago.
When she reached the street to Apparate, she wondered where she would go. She thought briefly of going to Hermione to talk about what just happened, but something told her not to… it’d be two awkward, she had always thought that Hermione had an eye for Draco anyway.
She passed by a shop and looked into the glass’s reflection. She looked fairly composed and didn’t look too roughed up, so in a spontaneous decision, she turned on her heel and appeared a block away from Harry’s apartment.
After climbing the two stories to his door, she knocked quietly and stared at her shoes as she waited patiently for the door to open. And when the door finally opened, Harry seemed surprised to see her standing outside. “Hello Ginny.” He said curiously.
“Hey Harry.” She said quietly. She felt ashamed that she ended up here, for some reason. Why did she have to run from one boy to the other when something went wrong? “I just wanted to let you know, I got the position.”
He frowned a little, despite the good news, and waved her inside. She grinned thankfully and walked into the apartment as he closed the door and towards the kitchen. When he disappeared, she walked awkwardly around the living room for a minute or two before sitting down on the couch, her stomach uneasy.
Harry came back with two Firewhiskies and sat down beside her as she took a bottle. “What happened?” She couldn’t help but smile at her bottle, knowing that he knew her so well. It was strange. Despite how badly she treated him and disregarded his apologies, he still was trying to comfort her… and he didn’t even know what was wrong.
“I don’t know. I was with Draco…” She said. Now thinking it over, she was pretty irrational about walking out on the other man, even less rational to go back to Harry about it. “He wouldn’t let me do anything by myself. He always wanted to control me.” She let her voice die out. It was a stupid reason. She knew it. Draco knew it, if he cared enough. Harry probably knew it and was probably seconds away from telling her so.
He did laugh though, but not in a mean way. “Yes, I do suppose you wouldn’t like that much.” Harry said thoughtfully. “You’ve always been that way, Gin.” He took a drink of his Firewhiskey as she stared at him, clearly surprised. “You’re a strong willed person, never letting anyone get the better of you, much less take advantage of you. That’s how I fell for you back in school, why I didn’t care about you being Ron’s sister. You’re strong… and no one can ever change that.”
Ginny’s mouth dropped as she brought her bottle to her lips, but not tilting it back to drink just yet. Her mouth dry and her body felt a combination of cold and warmth at his words. She went to speak, but said nothing, words escaping her for the first time in ages.
“I guess that’s why I’ve always chosen you over Cho, even when I was chasing after her. She had to be taken care of. She was more of a pet than a girlfriend. You? You can take care of yourself and more.” He said. Ginny finally tilted the bottle of Firewhiskey back, letting the liquid warm her on the inside. “I know I acted wrongly, and I know you’re tired of hearing it. I think I just wanted to see if I could have control myself. To see how it felt against you.” His voice was now quiet and she had sunk back into her couch. “It felt wrong. I didn’t like it. I didn’t mean you to hurt you… in any way.”
She looked up to see his eyes staring at her intensely; she could feel her own cheeks starting to burn. “It’s alright, Harry.” She said softly, looking back at her drink. No, it probably wouldn’t be okay, as it would be continually in the back of her mind as something he had done, but for now it’d be alright. For now, he was forgiven.
An almost awkward silence fell over the two of them, but she felt horribly calm through it all. “Are you set up at your place? Or do you need some help with anything?” It was clear that he was offering to help her move out of Draco’s place, but it wouldn’t be too hard. She had most of her things in her own apartment, since his place had nearly everything, but it wouldn’t be too hard to get the stuff that was as Draco’s.
“No. I’m alright.” She said with a quiet smile. He smiled too, his green eyes lighting up the room. She was almost surprised that he could smile right now, but she suspected he was slightly calmer than she felt. It wasn’t really that hard to image- she was still a little uneasy about coming back to his place.
He gave a pleased little laugh as he took another sip of his drink. She tried to relax a little as she mirrored his actions when he spoke. “Well, what do you want to do now?”
Ginny grinned at the way he said it. His eyes sparkled as if he was planning a Fred and George type prank, or the next day would be the trip back to Hogwarts. “I don’t know, Mr. Potter. You tell me what you have planned.”
Harry laughed as he buried himself deeper into the couch. “It’s as if you think I have everything planned.” Ginny forgot how charming his smirk was.
She shrugged slightly and took another sip of Firewhiskey. She couldn’t say she was relaxed completely around him yet, but she was getting there. “I like to think you do.” She said with a grin.
He laughed cheerily as he brought his legs up onto the couch to cross his legs. “I don’t know, Ginny, things that you imagine in your head often turn out differently in real life.” Ginny laughed, thinking over the last month or two.
“You have no idea.”
Chapter One
Chapter Two