(no subject)
so im back to where i was couple years ago. nothing really much here for me except what i cant have.
really the only thing i guess is i have here is my dad. Called him and told him my two plans. he'd be proud for both of them. i guess we'll see what happens come early june
thought about it in a vacant suite today on 23 that faces west. probably was up there a good hour. surprised i have not just quit. This job really hasn't done me any favors. Its killed my sense of passion and desires, killed my mood, coming to work is just depressing.
months ago....hell year ago i was very close to quitting. i know i'd be in a much different (much better place). Not sure what it would be but i really can't be worse. hell, unemployment looks good and that's saying a lot.
so i ordered up a couple study guides and started studying today. hardest is going to be the math section of course. was watching some video's and going over one of the guides......oh what we forget during these years outta school.
funny thing happened though.....after finishing up signing up i ran into Hope who works at beal bank. she was her usual bubbly "hi mike how are you, what are you up to!!??" told her that i had registered for the FSOT. half expected her to ask what that was but no. her eyes got huge and she asked what day i was taking it. guess we are both taking it at the same time lol.
the one thing she said when i was talking about what what i wanted to do and go was she mentioned that i was smiling while talking about it and she could really tell i wanted this....oh and that i had a nice smile lol.
so i guess i have a study partner which is pretty cool. i guess ill bug her a bunch after work....she can help me on the math part and ill help her with the geo/history/govnt part. she has no idea where she wants to go tho....said she's up for anywhere. she thinks im fucking crazy where i wanna go (course anything other than the US is good for me right now).
so after work i went to the local library and just plodded through a couple of the guides and a spark notes to the FSOT i found. came home i was trying to load up the rosetta stone arabic i have but the new updates dont gel with win 7 and they want you to purchase a update (1 month for $20 9 months for $90....fuck). so i guess ill have to pony out more cash i dont have.
ben has been pretty cool about the last couple days. havnt gone into it with him but he's been saying if i wanna hangout after work to let him know. i probably will take a day off from the gym, studying, and councilor to at least hangout with him a couple times. i dont have many friends so its nice to hear that.
so i got a little over two months to prepare and hopefully take a test and pass it nicely to finally find some direction in life.
its always been there and ive been to scared to take it. now im scared of living the life i have been.
couple hours after registering.....i really feel a purpose in my life again. i haven't felt that in a long long time.
it will be hard and time consuming but i cant fall back into being depressed and miserable again. i fighting for something i want so badly.
i hate to say it but maybe this break (or whatever the hell it is) between me and katie is a good thing. i look the legal stuff i was interested in but is it really what i wanna do? im not sure, it does interest me but not like being a foreign service officer. just hate that i had to put katie thru crap for me to realize this.
so.....here goes i guess a new chapter (abit a small one) of studying my ass off for a little more than two months.
wish me luck
really the only thing i guess is i have here is my dad. Called him and told him my two plans. he'd be proud for both of them. i guess we'll see what happens come early june
thought about it in a vacant suite today on 23 that faces west. probably was up there a good hour. surprised i have not just quit. This job really hasn't done me any favors. Its killed my sense of passion and desires, killed my mood, coming to work is just depressing.
months ago....hell year ago i was very close to quitting. i know i'd be in a much different (much better place). Not sure what it would be but i really can't be worse. hell, unemployment looks good and that's saying a lot.
so i ordered up a couple study guides and started studying today. hardest is going to be the math section of course. was watching some video's and going over one of the guides......oh what we forget during these years outta school.
funny thing happened though.....after finishing up signing up i ran into Hope who works at beal bank. she was her usual bubbly "hi mike how are you, what are you up to!!??" told her that i had registered for the FSOT. half expected her to ask what that was but no. her eyes got huge and she asked what day i was taking it. guess we are both taking it at the same time lol.
the one thing she said when i was talking about what what i wanted to do and go was she mentioned that i was smiling while talking about it and she could really tell i wanted this....oh and that i had a nice smile lol.
so i guess i have a study partner which is pretty cool. i guess ill bug her a bunch after work....she can help me on the math part and ill help her with the geo/history/govnt part. she has no idea where she wants to go tho....said she's up for anywhere. she thinks im fucking crazy where i wanna go (course anything other than the US is good for me right now).
so after work i went to the local library and just plodded through a couple of the guides and a spark notes to the FSOT i found. came home i was trying to load up the rosetta stone arabic i have but the new updates dont gel with win 7 and they want you to purchase a update (1 month for $20 9 months for $90....fuck). so i guess ill have to pony out more cash i dont have.
ben has been pretty cool about the last couple days. havnt gone into it with him but he's been saying if i wanna hangout after work to let him know. i probably will take a day off from the gym, studying, and councilor to at least hangout with him a couple times. i dont have many friends so its nice to hear that.
so i got a little over two months to prepare and hopefully take a test and pass it nicely to finally find some direction in life.
its always been there and ive been to scared to take it. now im scared of living the life i have been.
couple hours after registering.....i really feel a purpose in my life again. i haven't felt that in a long long time.
it will be hard and time consuming but i cant fall back into being depressed and miserable again. i fighting for something i want so badly.
i hate to say it but maybe this break (or whatever the hell it is) between me and katie is a good thing. i look the legal stuff i was interested in but is it really what i wanna do? im not sure, it does interest me but not like being a foreign service officer. just hate that i had to put katie thru crap for me to realize this.
so.....here goes i guess a new chapter (abit a small one) of studying my ass off for a little more than two months.
wish me luck