The monologue means nothing to me...
I threw my fucking guitar on the ground, loud noise emitting from my amp. I left the effect pedal on hold so that there would be a continous amount of sound while I left my room. This is the closest thing I have to nirvana. Only sheer fucking frustration, no bliss for me. Waking up from a dream last night of my son, still living with me like he never left. The life I had eight months ago. I told him to say thank you in my dream to someone and he did. He has a sweet voice. This takes me out of my dream back to my noisy room. Where the fuck am I now?! Alone in my parent's house. I'm in debt to them with more than money. I want to get out of here but I can't. I waited for her for the past ten years, just this girl I have always held high.
With guys there is aways a girl. WIth me there is aways two or three I love dearly at one time but cannot choose. Though now the list is getting down to just one or two. The last time we hung out was two weeks ago. The following weekend we were to do it again but she left with family out of town. I called her four days ago and she had told me her brother's friend had died, which happened do be someone I have met but I cannot remember. We were to get together today but she is moving in to an apartment. I am laughing.
I want to be alone but I don't. I have left my friends were they have left themselves, in their happiness, depression, lives, and deaths. Last night's drive on thin roads high on the cliffs of Palos Verde made me happy. I haven't seen Portuegese Bend and though I really want to right now, I don't think that it is a good idea. I am laughing again.
I would have thought that my musical life would have been more fufilling by now. I cannot stop laughing.
With guys there is aways a girl. WIth me there is aways two or three I love dearly at one time but cannot choose. Though now the list is getting down to just one or two. The last time we hung out was two weeks ago. The following weekend we were to do it again but she left with family out of town. I called her four days ago and she had told me her brother's friend had died, which happened do be someone I have met but I cannot remember. We were to get together today but she is moving in to an apartment. I am laughing.
I want to be alone but I don't. I have left my friends were they have left themselves, in their happiness, depression, lives, and deaths. Last night's drive on thin roads high on the cliffs of Palos Verde made me happy. I haven't seen Portuegese Bend and though I really want to right now, I don't think that it is a good idea. I am laughing again.
I would have thought that my musical life would have been more fufilling by now. I cannot stop laughing.