looking for something thats not there,
i really hate this time of year. i am constantly reminded of my own loneliness and it really sucks. everywhere i go i am reminded of beauty and love, and i haven't found that in years. yes i have found God's love. thats amazing believe me, but i still yearn for a woman to love me, and me to love her. i thought i probley would've found love again by now but i haven't, and it sucks. these past few days have just been really rough. mainly cause she dumped me around this time. i feel like i'm looking for something thats not there, its like me and love and a family and a wife aren't possible. its freaking me out. maybe the workload i've got, the time of month cause of that relationship, and stuff are just clashing. but still you'd think i would not care about it, but i don't know how to describe it. but theres a girl i find an attraction too but i am frightend to even try anymore, cause i've seen the pattern of my relationships. this is how they are:
1. we start out great and things are going fine.
2. we have a fight say were sorry and we move on.
3. then we keep fighting and it leads to a break up.
yeah. i'm just real freaked out and stressed by this i guess. it is probley this week cause i think it was the week of the 23rd that she dumped me and that was a real real rough week for me in high school and i always remember it. i'll be ok, i always am. its just that week the memories sprout up.
cheers,
--matt.
1. we start out great and things are going fine.
2. we have a fight say were sorry and we move on.
3. then we keep fighting and it leads to a break up.
yeah. i'm just real freaked out and stressed by this i guess. it is probley this week cause i think it was the week of the 23rd that she dumped me and that was a real real rough week for me in high school and i always remember it. i'll be ok, i always am. its just that week the memories sprout up.
cheers,
--matt.