Unguided [Dean/Castiel; PG]
Title: Unguided
Author: longerthanwedo
Pairing: subtle Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG
Summary: Sometimes, Castiel thinks he’ll wake up blind. Dean and Castiel’s reflections on his newfound humanity. Set in season 5. No real spoilers.
Note: This is 500 pretty words with no plot. Just feelings. Slightly dark and slightly twisted and slightly slashy. Enjoy.
Sometimes, Castiel thinks he’ll wake up blind.
That he’ll look at the sun or the light or the mirror and his eyes will melt away. So fragile. So weak.
He feels the power around him, demons with black eyes and unbroken strides. The voices of angels that he can’t hear, humming still in his head because he knows they’re there. Dean with his guns and his car and his fists and his soul.
Everything, it towers above him and doesn’t look down.
There are times when Castiel thinks that he can’t touch without breaking his fingers. Can’t reach out because he can’t see. He looks at his hands and he curls his fists, feels the bones move and expects them to crack.
Sometimes, Castiel thinks he’ll wake up dead.
***
Sometimes, Dean forgets that Castiel had wings.
The way he sits, back straight, sun bouncing and glinting in his eyes. Human, so human, the way his fingers curl, the way he breathes.
So far from that creature he’d seen before. Sparking lights and a voice to tear minds apart. A hand that burnt Dean’s skin.
Black shadows of wings that stretched and blinded.
Dean forgets that time, that cold dangerous thing.
Sometimes, when he touches the angel’s shoulder and feels warmth, he forgets that Castiel was ever anything but a man.
***
Sometimes, Castiel envies them.
The humans who have never known anything else, never felt what it is to be something more. Never felt what it is to fly. Happy with their feet on the ground, never looking past what they see.
Castiel doesn’t feel human. Never thought he could be a man.
They’re lucky, he knows, to live such a sure life. Not knowing where they’re headed and not caring; here, now, the land and their tiny little lives. Most of them, they’re lucky.
Dean is different. He’s human, but not like the rest. He’s tasted Hell and it shows in his eyes, Heaven too. Not a man, not a beast. Touched by angels, touched by demons.
Castiel envies the others, but what he feels for Dean is pain, a pain he’s never felt before.
Sometimes, he thinks it’s beautiful.
***
Sometimes, Dean wishes he could teach Castiel how to live.
The highs and the lows and the rough raw world. Take him out and let him really be.
He’s seen it all, Dean knows, looking down, but he hasn’t felt it, not any of it. Hasn’t felt anything but that hospital bed and the hard cold wood of motel room chairs. But Dean’s seen it, he’s seen far too much, and he realizes it’s wonderful.
It’s wonderful that Cas doesn’t know.
Ancient being with no experience, nothing to scar his humanity.
Sometimes, Dean wants to touch Castiel. Comfort him when his shoulders slump, when his eyes turn down. He wants to, but he doesn’t.
Because his hands are dirty but Cas is still clean.
Author: longerthanwedo
Pairing: subtle Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG
Summary: Sometimes, Castiel thinks he’ll wake up blind. Dean and Castiel’s reflections on his newfound humanity. Set in season 5. No real spoilers.
Note: This is 500 pretty words with no plot. Just feelings. Slightly dark and slightly twisted and slightly slashy. Enjoy.
Sometimes, Castiel thinks he’ll wake up blind.
That he’ll look at the sun or the light or the mirror and his eyes will melt away. So fragile. So weak.
He feels the power around him, demons with black eyes and unbroken strides. The voices of angels that he can’t hear, humming still in his head because he knows they’re there. Dean with his guns and his car and his fists and his soul.
Everything, it towers above him and doesn’t look down.
There are times when Castiel thinks that he can’t touch without breaking his fingers. Can’t reach out because he can’t see. He looks at his hands and he curls his fists, feels the bones move and expects them to crack.
Sometimes, Castiel thinks he’ll wake up dead.
***
Sometimes, Dean forgets that Castiel had wings.
The way he sits, back straight, sun bouncing and glinting in his eyes. Human, so human, the way his fingers curl, the way he breathes.
So far from that creature he’d seen before. Sparking lights and a voice to tear minds apart. A hand that burnt Dean’s skin.
Black shadows of wings that stretched and blinded.
Dean forgets that time, that cold dangerous thing.
Sometimes, when he touches the angel’s shoulder and feels warmth, he forgets that Castiel was ever anything but a man.
***
Sometimes, Castiel envies them.
The humans who have never known anything else, never felt what it is to be something more. Never felt what it is to fly. Happy with their feet on the ground, never looking past what they see.
Castiel doesn’t feel human. Never thought he could be a man.
They’re lucky, he knows, to live such a sure life. Not knowing where they’re headed and not caring; here, now, the land and their tiny little lives. Most of them, they’re lucky.
Dean is different. He’s human, but not like the rest. He’s tasted Hell and it shows in his eyes, Heaven too. Not a man, not a beast. Touched by angels, touched by demons.
Castiel envies the others, but what he feels for Dean is pain, a pain he’s never felt before.
Sometimes, he thinks it’s beautiful.
***
Sometimes, Dean wishes he could teach Castiel how to live.
The highs and the lows and the rough raw world. Take him out and let him really be.
He’s seen it all, Dean knows, looking down, but he hasn’t felt it, not any of it. Hasn’t felt anything but that hospital bed and the hard cold wood of motel room chairs. But Dean’s seen it, he’s seen far too much, and he realizes it’s wonderful.
It’s wonderful that Cas doesn’t know.
Ancient being with no experience, nothing to scar his humanity.
Sometimes, Dean wants to touch Castiel. Comfort him when his shoulders slump, when his eyes turn down. He wants to, but he doesn’t.
Because his hands are dirty but Cas is still clean.