That's Okay (s/a)
Title: That’s Okay
Author: longerthanwedo
Rating: PG
Pairing: Whatever you’d like.
POV: 1st, you choose.
Summary: When you’re gone, will they say your name?
Disclaimer: Title, cut, and summary belong to The Hush Sound.
Author’s Notes: A twenty minute song-fic, based off of The Hush Sound’s “That’s Okay”. I was just listening to that song and it kind of went straight to my heart, in a way. And my mind, being what it is, went straight to Panic at the Disco. This is the result.
From the day you were born, you were tiny eyes closed in a blue hat that sunk low over your face. Fragile, and a breath of air would blow you away. From the day you rode in the backseat, to the place you first saw and felt in your heart. From the day your barely-hearing ears were pierced with angry words. They were the days before you grew when you had already stopped learning. Those days when you were terrified you couldn’t change. You grew into the person you couldn’t escape, never outran. Even when you left.
You left, and you searched. You strained your eyes for someone to love you, if anyone could. But someone who stayed for a moment fled when you lowered your gaze in your telltale way. You wandered long, lost sight of where you came from. You were too far gone by the time you realized your mistake. Alone with the world, all you wanted was to lie back. To retrace and retract each step you took until you were back in the cruel hands of your home. The place that destroyed you, the place you felt safe.
But that road is covered completely, the remnants of your childhood buried in the backyard of the hills you ran from. Forgotten and turning to dust, erasing any trace of hope you had to return. Now you’re stuck in this space you’ve created, terrified to move in case you take a wrong step and sink into those hills forever.
Now you measure your steps and your breaths. Careful precision in every swallow and indecision in unspoken words. Your sharp pupils that swim in honey and hide behind a screen of silk, sheltered from the sun and the sky. Still that slight frame that shakes in the rain, and quakes in the dark. The glass of your happiness long since shattered, and you; left with a fear as deep as your heart sunken in your chest. You jump when the birds sing and cringe at the moon’s beams.
That’s how I found you, huddled in on yourself with awareness only in your fluttering eyelids and my stuttering steps. You’re still searching with watering eyes for someone to pull you in and tie you to some hope, to love. While you watch, I’ll hold you up from the ground and hold you down from the clouds. I’ll keep up until your eyes find that face. Then I’ll give you away.
The face of someone who’s lips will carry your name when you’re gone, who’s heart will maintain your memory and shelve your love high above those hills. You’ve yet to find that somebody and your doubt swells. I’m here reminding you that you’ll outlive the bones of your home. And if you don’t endure any more, that’s okay.
That’s okay.