Unfinished (With Fear in Your Smile) [3/?]
Title: Unfinished (With Fear in Your Smile) [3]
Author: longerthanwedo
Beta: melody_so_sweet
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan for now.
Rating: PG-13
POV: 3rd, Brendon centric.
Summary: He’s writing in blood; a feeble attempt to finish the story. The story of his life, of him and him and him. It’s a story of life, of love, of lions and fireworks and years gone by. It’s a story of blood, plenty of blood.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters. Title and inspiration from Something Corporate.
Author’s Note: This one took a little longer, sorry about that, but I’m trying to figure out plot stuff. Thank you to those who have commented on this, and to any who haven’t, I’d love to know who you are. :) Also, I made a banner that I'll probably be re-doing because I did it kinda fast.
Prologue I Chapter 1 I Chapter 2
If he squinted his eyes, the textured paint on the ceiling looked almost like a cloudy sky. He wanted to say it looked like stars, but the dawn was too light and the white speckles too frequent. Still, he could imagine. He imagined this was what his grandfather saw when he followed the circus, sleeping outside, staring at the same speckled sky over every town he passed through.
Brendon sighed and rolled over. He didn’t know why his mind always went back to the circus. He thought maybe, maybe it was because of Ryan.
Brendon looked up. Ryan’s arm was hanging over the side of the bed and cast a shadow that landed just next to Brendon’s arm.
Maybe it was because the first time he talked to Ryan, they talked about the circus. Maybe it was because Ryan had the eyes of a lion by day, and the eyes of a firefly by night. But Brendon couldn’t see Ryan’s eyes, and he knew they were probably closed in the early hour.
He lifted his wrist and squinted at his watch, glasses still lying beside him, half unfolded. He sighed and pulled himself up, carefully untangling his limbs from sheets and blankets Ryan had scrounged up from cupboards and behind beds. He had to be at work soon. He smoothed his rumpled shirt, which was the same one he had on yesterday, and shrugged to himself. He didn’t think anyone would even notice, the way they sometimes didn’t notice if he was there.
Stretching, he looked up. The ceiling didn’t look like sky from this angle. It was a shame, he thought, that everything looked so much better when he was almost sleeping.
Ryan stirred on the bed and Brendon looked down at him. His eyes were still closed. Brendon turned and walked silently out of the bedroom.
A pen was lying on the table, half buried amongst scraps of paper, some with official looking type, and some with scrawled sentences that Brendon guessed were Ryan’s own. He picked up a scrap and scribbled a note on the back.
Ryan -
I went to work. Didn’t want to wake you. Thanks for letting me stay over.
- Brendon
Brendon never had been much for writing.
He slipped out the door into the warming air.
Brendon worked at a fish store. Technically it was a pet store, but he was in charge of the fish room. The fish room, which was really a wall on the right next to the counter, lined with aquariums, ranging in size and filled with fish ranging in color.
Brendon loved the fish. He loved the way they floated, scales shimmering and wet eyes blinking in the water he cleaned meticulously every day. He loved the way they seemed almost like an alien species, living in a habitat so different from his own, and yet integrated with the lifestyle of humans. They lived in people’s houses, but they were encased in their own bubble, their own world. They fascinated him.
When he entered the shop in the morning he was always the first one there. He opened the blinds, just the right amount so that the sunshine streamed in the glass and glinted off the fish scales, casting perfect prisms around the room and into his eyes.
He sighed, wishing he could bring one of them home and make his room full of light.
After he fed the fish, Brendon really had nothing else to do until the customers started filtering into the shop. He sat behind the desk and let his mind wander, wishing he had his camera. Usually he brought it to work with him, relying on his inspiration to keep him occupied as the hours dragged by. But he hadn’t gone home last night, so he had nothing to do but fiddle with his fingers as he stared at the sun through the square window at the top of the door.
It was so easy to lose track of time when he didn’t pay attention. All he noticed was the sun moving slightly across his face, and the flash and sound of a bell every time someone opened the door, which wasn’t often. And he wasn’t in charge of customers. He watched time pass without realizing it, and sometimes he thought that was sad. It was sad that he couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to his own life passing, and he wanted to do something, live every moment like people in movies said, but he didn’t think he could.
Ring, the door opened. The usual flash of sun made him squint his eyes, and he thought he must have fallen asleep because why else would Ryan be in his pet shop?
He furrowed his eyebrows and squinted some more, but Ryan waved and smiled at him and he knew it wasn’t just his mind running away again.
Ryan was casual, glancing around the shop as he made his way to the counter.
“Hey,” he greeted, nonchalant and monotone.
“Um, hi. What are you doing here?” Brendon hadn’t meant to sound accusatory and he smiled a little to offset the question.
“I was just walking past,” Ryan answered, glancing down, and Brendon raised an eyebrow.
“Uh-huh,” he said skeptically.
“And I saw you in the window,” Ryan finished.
Brendon chuckled.
“So you work at a pet shop?”
“I’m in charge of the fish.” Brendon gestured to the wall and noticed how the rainbows of light landed in Ryan’s hair.
“That’s right, you like fish.” Ryan walked over to the wall and Brendon swiveled in his stool, watching. “I bet you have lots of them at home.”
Brendon sighed. “No, I wish. But my boss says I can’t buy one because if I could I’d buy the whole store. Which is probably true.”
Ryan glanced over his shoulder and smiled sympathetically. “They’re pretty.”
Brendon nodded.
“Brendon,” a voice came, the voice of the lady at the checkout counter. “Could you get me some change from the back?”
Brendon nodded again and slipped past Ryan, mumbling an “I’ll be right back.”
The back room was dark, and his eyes took their time getting used to the light as he shuffled around for the stack of ones and fives that he knew was hidden in the room, probably behind the paper cups. He found them, and wandered back into the light, shutting the door behind him.
Ryan was at the checkout counter, a single aquarium between him and the lady behind the desk. Brendon handed the change to her, and looked at Ryan.
“You’re buying a fish?” He asked curiously.
Ryan just smiled and waited until she’d finished scanning his credit card, picked up the aquarium, and walked towards the door, beckoning to Brendon with his free hand.
Brendon followed his lead, automatically. He looked up at Ryan, down at the fish, all blue and teal and shimmering light, and back at Ryan’s face, at his smile.
Ryan held the aquarium out and Brendon stared. His mouth was open and he stood there, glancing back and forth back and forth.
“It’s for you.”
Brendon carefully took the tank from Ryan’s arms, and set it on a table next to him. His arms were freed, and he threw them around Ryan’s neck, hugging him tightly. Ryan laughed quietly in his ear and squeezed him back, and Brendon thought, hey, this is a moment worth living.