Golden Days (Forever is Fine)
Title: Golden Days (Forever is Fine)
Author: longerthanwedo
Beta: dare_to_disco
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
Summary: “Love you till I die.” Those were the words. Scrawled onto palms, scratched onto bedside tables, burned into memories. They were whispered, whispered with meaning. With meaning, they were screamed at the sky.
Warning: Character death, suicide, depressingness.
Disclaimer: So, so, so very not real.
Author’s Notes: This took me approximately half an hour. But it’s something from me, at least, while I’m caught up in this novel business ;)
“Love you till I die.”
Those were the words. Scrawled onto palms, scratched onto bedside tables, burned into memories. They were whispered, whispered with meaning. With meaning, they were screamed at the sky. The ceiling, if the sky was out of reach. They were the truth, the one truth, the basis of Brendon’s knowledge, his vast knowledge of love and of pain.
Golden eyes. They were the reason those words were spoken. They were the inspiration for poems, for songs, for kisses, for tears. Those golden eyes, they were always close beside him when he felt doubt creeping up, confidence trembling. They were in front of his own when those words were first spoken.
“Love you till I die.”
“Always.”
It was a given. There was nothing after a promise like that. Words like always, like forever; they were said with ease. Always, it was a piece of basic logic. Forever, it was a promise that was sure to be kept. Till I die, there was no forever to be had beyond that. Not after that love. Not after those golden eyes.
There was a smile. A smile that was seen and then mimicked, stretching his face. It was the reason, tucked beneath those eyes, for the whispered vows, for the soft return of lips to skin. When he saw that smile, that’s when he knew those words were meant for him as well.
“Love you till I die.”
Those words were only let past one pair of lips. The other boy, his lips wouldn’t part. Maybe it wasn’t his lips, but his sense that forbade the promise to escape. Ryan, he’d always had more sense. It was something to be envied, something to be feared. With sense came stability, but with stability came limits; unforeseen boundaries that Brendon could push against but that wouldn’t budge. It was something that wouldn’t allow things like forevers.
Sense and regret. Two things, two things that maybe sawed through Brendon’s “always”. Things that maybe plowed through golden eyes and golden smiles and golden plated promises. It was when the golden eyes lost their gleam, when the smiles tensed and when regret was a color that shone through the etchings in the wood.
“Love you till I die.”
It was fading sharpie on the backs of clasped hands and sleeping collarbones. They were words filled with meaning. They were words repeated over and over and over again, under Brendon’s covers, while the other side lay cold. It was a promise, not to Ryan’s eyes. Not anymore. It was a promise Brendon made to himself. A promise to keep his promise. Even as he felt forever was ending.
Ryan’s sense, it was a sensible thing. Sense, like boundaries, were absent in Brendon’s mind, and regret. Regret was abundant. Regret that he didn’t have the sense, the sense to put up boundaries, to shut words in. Words that were so heavy, so heavy.
“Love you till I die.”
There was no always that followed it. Not anymore, not for a long time. Returns of promises had been swallowed up, sucked back into cold golden eyes. Drawn away along with smiles and empty, empty, empty hands. Brendon didn’t expect an always. He didn’t feel one himself.
Open doors. That was the reality he was faced with. Behind him, behind him he couldn’t find his forever. In front of him, in a dark night and empty street, that was his only chance. He knew there was no forever there. Nothing after a promise like that. Brendon, he had no sense. But he had sense enough to know, you can’t go back on a promise like that.
“Love you till I die.”
Love. It was something fast fading, something that he clung to when he passed Ryan in the hall. It was something slipping, slipping, tumbling through the cracks in his heart. And Brendon, he couldn’t go back on a promise like that, on a promise like Ryan. He couldn’t have sense, but he could have honesty.
Closed doors. He faced them, faced regret one last time and then all he faced was empty sky. Roads, roads, roads and a railing. One last boundary, but something easily passed. Brendon faced no resistance as he sidestepped the metal. No resistance. Luckily, because resistance only came with sense.
“Love you till I die.”
Whispered words, whispered to the sky. Where he thought he saw golden eyes. He let the last of his love slip off the edge, down, down, down, down. Into the darkness. It was the always, the forever. He waited, waited for them to hit the bottom, then followed his words.
“Love you till I die.”
Author: longerthanwedo
Beta: dare_to_disco
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
Summary: “Love you till I die.” Those were the words. Scrawled onto palms, scratched onto bedside tables, burned into memories. They were whispered, whispered with meaning. With meaning, they were screamed at the sky.
Warning: Character death, suicide, depressingness.
Disclaimer: So, so, so very not real.
Author’s Notes: This took me approximately half an hour. But it’s something from me, at least, while I’m caught up in this novel business ;)
“Love you till I die.”
Those were the words. Scrawled onto palms, scratched onto bedside tables, burned into memories. They were whispered, whispered with meaning. With meaning, they were screamed at the sky. The ceiling, if the sky was out of reach. They were the truth, the one truth, the basis of Brendon’s knowledge, his vast knowledge of love and of pain.
Golden eyes. They were the reason those words were spoken. They were the inspiration for poems, for songs, for kisses, for tears. Those golden eyes, they were always close beside him when he felt doubt creeping up, confidence trembling. They were in front of his own when those words were first spoken.
“Love you till I die.”
“Always.”
It was a given. There was nothing after a promise like that. Words like always, like forever; they were said with ease. Always, it was a piece of basic logic. Forever, it was a promise that was sure to be kept. Till I die, there was no forever to be had beyond that. Not after that love. Not after those golden eyes.
There was a smile. A smile that was seen and then mimicked, stretching his face. It was the reason, tucked beneath those eyes, for the whispered vows, for the soft return of lips to skin. When he saw that smile, that’s when he knew those words were meant for him as well.
“Love you till I die.”
Those words were only let past one pair of lips. The other boy, his lips wouldn’t part. Maybe it wasn’t his lips, but his sense that forbade the promise to escape. Ryan, he’d always had more sense. It was something to be envied, something to be feared. With sense came stability, but with stability came limits; unforeseen boundaries that Brendon could push against but that wouldn’t budge. It was something that wouldn’t allow things like forevers.
Sense and regret. Two things, two things that maybe sawed through Brendon’s “always”. Things that maybe plowed through golden eyes and golden smiles and golden plated promises. It was when the golden eyes lost their gleam, when the smiles tensed and when regret was a color that shone through the etchings in the wood.
“Love you till I die.”
It was fading sharpie on the backs of clasped hands and sleeping collarbones. They were words filled with meaning. They were words repeated over and over and over again, under Brendon’s covers, while the other side lay cold. It was a promise, not to Ryan’s eyes. Not anymore. It was a promise Brendon made to himself. A promise to keep his promise. Even as he felt forever was ending.
Ryan’s sense, it was a sensible thing. Sense, like boundaries, were absent in Brendon’s mind, and regret. Regret was abundant. Regret that he didn’t have the sense, the sense to put up boundaries, to shut words in. Words that were so heavy, so heavy.
“Love you till I die.”
There was no always that followed it. Not anymore, not for a long time. Returns of promises had been swallowed up, sucked back into cold golden eyes. Drawn away along with smiles and empty, empty, empty hands. Brendon didn’t expect an always. He didn’t feel one himself.
Open doors. That was the reality he was faced with. Behind him, behind him he couldn’t find his forever. In front of him, in a dark night and empty street, that was his only chance. He knew there was no forever there. Nothing after a promise like that. Brendon, he had no sense. But he had sense enough to know, you can’t go back on a promise like that.
“Love you till I die.”
Love. It was something fast fading, something that he clung to when he passed Ryan in the hall. It was something slipping, slipping, tumbling through the cracks in his heart. And Brendon, he couldn’t go back on a promise like that, on a promise like Ryan. He couldn’t have sense, but he could have honesty.
Closed doors. He faced them, faced regret one last time and then all he faced was empty sky. Roads, roads, roads and a railing. One last boundary, but something easily passed. Brendon faced no resistance as he sidestepped the metal. No resistance. Luckily, because resistance only came with sense.
“Love you till I die.”
Whispered words, whispered to the sky. Where he thought he saw golden eyes. He let the last of his love slip off the edge, down, down, down, down. Into the darkness. It was the always, the forever. He waited, waited for them to hit the bottom, then followed his words.
“Love you till I die.”