I'm A Scar Away From Falling Apart (18)
Title: I’m A Scar Away From Falling Apart (18)
Author: longerthanwedo
Beta: melody_so_sweet <3
Rating: PG-13 (yeah, even for this chapter, I think)
Pairing: Rydon
POV: 1st, Ryan
Summary: The taste of Brendon and the way we move closer together automatically; it’s effortless.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, but the beginning of this plot is based off of a true story. Title belongs to Fall Out Boy.
Author’s Notes: Um. Yeah. No comment. Except sorry this took so long, it’s just…everything happened, and I wasn’t in the mood to write. But I’m back now! And comments are always loved!
Prologue I Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3 I Chapter 4 I Chapter 5 I Chapter 6 I Chapter 7 I Chapter 8 I Chapter 9 I Chapter 10 I Chapter 11 I Chapter 12 I Chapter 13 I Chapter 14 I Chapter 15 I Chapter 16 I Chapter17
Well, I’m happy.
I’m in the hospital with fresh stitches in my leg and a fluorescent light above my head and I’m smiling.
Because Brendon is possibly the most amazing person I have ever met. Actually, there’s no “possibly” about it. He’s kind, sweet, trusting, and everything else that I could want. He’s everything that makes me smile all rolled up into one perfect person. And he loves me. Me.
I still can’t quite believe it.
Even when he says it, says, “I love you,” in that voice, I can’t help but think that I don’t deserve it. Don’t deserve him. I do something stupid and he forgives me. He forgives me and forgives me and kisses me and tells me it’s not my fault. Tells me he loves me.
And the worst part is that it’s hard to doubt his words. He looks at me with those eyes and I believe him. I try and believe him, because it makes him happy. And since he makes me happy, so happy, with every word he speaks, everything he does, it’s the least I can do, really.
So as I sit in the passenger seat of Brendon’s car on the way back to my house I push the guilty thoughts to the back of my mind and let go.
I focus on the warmth of Brendon’s hand in mine instead of the new bandages on my leg. I stare at the road in front of us instead of glancing back at the hospital. I smile when he does and squeeze his hand. And it’s surprisingly easy with him here, right here, to forget what happened.
We get to my house together we get me inside and to the couch. Brendon sits down and faces me, and there’s something in his eyes that I can’t read. It looks vaguely familiar and it scares me.
I wait for him to speak.
He does. “Ryan, do want me to leave?”
“What?” My voice is high-pitched and my eyes are wide. “Leave?”
He nods and he looks nervous. “Leave. You know. Go back to my house; stop staying around here all the time.”
I’m shaking my head before he even finishes the last word. No, no, no, never leave, Brendon, I think. Don’t leave me, don’t go, I couldn’t survive if you weren’t here, I think. “No. I want you to stay,” I say. “I love you,” I add, taking his hand.
He sighs in relief and smiles. “Oh. Good. I didn’t want to-I love you.”
He leans forward and we kiss, both of us smiling, until the smiles melt away between our mouths. It still surprises me, how familiar this feels. The softness of his lips, his hands on my face, his hair in my fingers. It feels like everything solid in my life melded together.
The taste of Brendon and the way we move closer together automatically; it’s effortless.
This kiss is deep and slow and intense; it’s everything it should be, and more. It just feels right.
This, I never felt like this when I was with her. What we had was never this passionate, this meaningful. When we said “I love you” I always doubted her words, and mine. Nothing was sure, nothing was fixed. Not like this.
This is Brendon’s hands on my back, on my face, on my waist. It’s so amazing how we’re pressed together, like we’re the same person. Our movements match and our lips slide together perfectly. I’m never letting you go, I think.
Everything’s changed. Everything’s different, because of Brendon.
First, it was worse, so much worse. But now. Now, even though I know that I probably won’t be able to skate the same again, most likely won’t keep competing at the same level, its better. It’s so much better.
Never leave, never. Stay.
I try my best to put my unspoken thoughts into actions as I kiss Brendon, sliding my hands under his shirt and letting them splay over his back. I move even closer, loving the feel of his smooth skin under my fingers.
I want you. I love you. So much.
That’s when something changes between us and suddenly we’re both gasping for breath, lips colliding again and again, fast and hard.
Soon I’m lying back on the couch, Brendon hovering over me, barely touching me, his hands on either side of my face. His eyes burn into mine and I imagine I can read the emotion that’s written so darkly into them.
I’m never, ever leaving you.
“Ryan?”
Those eyes, they look from mine and then glance away, over to the staircase and back again.
This time I’m sure I can read the question in his eyes. And there’s no question in mine as I nod back at him.
He sits up and pulls me with him and we stumble, hand in hand, up the stairs.
All the time I’m thinking, he’ll stay.