In My Head
Title: In My Head
Author: longerthanwedo
Rating: PG
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
POV: 1st, Brendon’s or Ryan’s, you pick.
Summary: I wish I could see your face.
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, and this idea was inspired by this song by Anna Nalick. Title comes from that, as well.
Author’s Notes: Just something that came to mind when I was listening to all my songs on shuffle. I’m thinking about writing a sequel, tell me if I should or not. Comments are love <3
Healing. It’s really the only way to describe the sensation of all the wrong things I’ve heard in my years being washed away from my memory. Every bad thing tattooed on the inside of my ears from years of anger. The marks that are the result of silence, gone. Your voice demands to be the only thing my ears remember. Your melodies haunt me and with each passing word I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with the sound of your words. Your beautiful, magical words.
I’m in awe of how your songs seem to precisely echo my thoughts, almost word for word. Every thought in my mind that’s begging to be written sits here in my CD player. All the unspoken things that I can’t find the right way to say. You make up for my clumsy poems and scrawled scraps of songs. Your voice speaks for me when I can’t find the will to make my own words escape.
I wish I could see your face. I could see your face. Your face is just one click of a mouse away, yet I can’t make myself push the button. Maybe I’m afraid that if I have an image to match the angel in my ears I may fall too deep. Maybe I can’t help but think like a fairy tale, and want to see you for the first time in person. Maybe I’m just scared. I’m scared that this is the first time I’ve really loved anyone, and it’s someone I’ve only met through the words in my speakers.
Even though we’re stuck on opposite sides of this stereo, I can’t stop my mind from conjuring up fantasies of the time we finally find ourselves together, no plastic or metal or static separating our eyes and minds. I’ll spot you, you’ll see me. I’ll know you; you will feel like you know me from the first time our gazes lock. We’ll make small talk. The small talk will grow and you’ll invite me out for dinner. We’ll talk more, and I’ll find a way to unlock my words. You’ll make me unlock my words. You’ll realize you really have been singing my thoughts this entire time, and we’ll both be glad to have someone who understands. I’ll stay there with you and we’ll grow close. We’ll confide in each other the things that are too sensitive for the public’s ears. We’ll each have found our match.
That’s where I stop my mind. That’s where I can’t; I won’t let myself get carried away. That’s where I get scared all over again that my hopes will get too high, and I won’t be able to take it when they crash right back down. That’s where I turn on your voice. That’s where I imagine you’re next to me and the words in my ear are whispered from a real, live, you. That’s where I hit repeat. That’s where I listen to my heart played out again, and again, and again. That’s where I feel safe.
Held in the warm comfort of your words.