Back On The Level
I feel really shitty lately. I'm not sure why, it continues even on the days when I go out of my way to ensure that I get a full night's sleep. It doesn't seem to make a great deal of difference. I still feel shitty in the morning, just less so.
Not sure what I can do about it. I eat healthier than I was for a while, but it doesn't seem to help. I'm tempted to load up and go on another giant shopping trip (like I used to, bi-monthly, before I got out of the habit), but I really don't want to run up any more expenses. I'm not sure it'd even make any difference if I did that, either.
I think I'm actually becoming a sociopath. I find myself actively avoiding people, and staying at home at times when I think others will be around. It wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't forced to deal with society's dregs on a daily basis to pay the bills, but after a full day of arguing with people about ID and having someone insist than "Henny VSOP is stronger than the regular" and other such painfully idiotic positions that I run into on a daily basis, I want to crawl into a hole and hide from the world. I used to make an effort to be sociable and try to spend time with other people, friends of friends and such. Hell, even fairly recently (a year ago or so) I was wanting to get out and meet people, make some local friends. I no longer have any desire to do that. I am perfectly content with my social circle being 1300+ miles away. They can come here, I can go there... but I'm not going to meet new ones. I have enough friends.
I got a rejection notice from Target the other day. Official "fuck off" notice. I'm debating if it's worth calling Eddie (my old ETL from 1476) and having him vouch for me. I don't know if that'll help. And even if it does, am I sure I want to go back to the company that I ran away from practically full-tilt? I know I need money, but I keep wondering if there's a better way.
I am sick to death of people telling me "be thankful you have a job", or if it's someone trying to console me (parents, friends) "things will get better". Of course I was able to geta job. Almost anyone can get a job, even in this economy if they lower their standards enough. As far as things getting better... I sure as fuck don't see it coming. I'm honestly starting to thank that it's not even possible for things to get better... only worse. As a general rule, mind you. Not even just specifically applicable to me.
I have several posts in the queue, but I haven't felt like working on any of them lately. And I also have several calls to make, as well as a bunch of photos to go through. Eventually, there will be the "visit" posts, but I don't know when I'm going to feel enough in the mood to sit down and pound out the last bits of those. I keep meaning to on days off, but those somehow always seem be consumed by laundry, sleep, and massive inertia.
I've made a large amount of progress with my (seemingly) eternal project: the MP3 dump. I'm down to just a week's worth of work. Well, straight through, that is. Mostly what's left is a Temptations discog, a few gigs of random music, and the complete Bach collection. After that's done, I'll have all of my music sorted, filed, and imported into my iTunes library. I'm already up past 55,000 songs, and 320GB.
Not sure what I can do about it. I eat healthier than I was for a while, but it doesn't seem to help. I'm tempted to load up and go on another giant shopping trip (like I used to, bi-monthly, before I got out of the habit), but I really don't want to run up any more expenses. I'm not sure it'd even make any difference if I did that, either.
I think I'm actually becoming a sociopath. I find myself actively avoiding people, and staying at home at times when I think others will be around. It wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't forced to deal with society's dregs on a daily basis to pay the bills, but after a full day of arguing with people about ID and having someone insist than "Henny VSOP is stronger than the regular" and other such painfully idiotic positions that I run into on a daily basis, I want to crawl into a hole and hide from the world. I used to make an effort to be sociable and try to spend time with other people, friends of friends and such. Hell, even fairly recently (a year ago or so) I was wanting to get out and meet people, make some local friends. I no longer have any desire to do that. I am perfectly content with my social circle being 1300+ miles away. They can come here, I can go there... but I'm not going to meet new ones. I have enough friends.
I got a rejection notice from Target the other day. Official "fuck off" notice. I'm debating if it's worth calling Eddie (my old ETL from 1476) and having him vouch for me. I don't know if that'll help. And even if it does, am I sure I want to go back to the company that I ran away from practically full-tilt? I know I need money, but I keep wondering if there's a better way.
I am sick to death of people telling me "be thankful you have a job", or if it's someone trying to console me (parents, friends) "things will get better". Of course I was able to geta job. Almost anyone can get a job, even in this economy if they lower their standards enough. As far as things getting better... I sure as fuck don't see it coming. I'm honestly starting to thank that it's not even possible for things to get better... only worse. As a general rule, mind you. Not even just specifically applicable to me.
I have several posts in the queue, but I haven't felt like working on any of them lately. And I also have several calls to make, as well as a bunch of photos to go through. Eventually, there will be the "visit" posts, but I don't know when I'm going to feel enough in the mood to sit down and pound out the last bits of those. I keep meaning to on days off, but those somehow always seem be consumed by laundry, sleep, and massive inertia.
I've made a large amount of progress with my (seemingly) eternal project: the MP3 dump. I'm down to just a week's worth of work. Well, straight through, that is. Mostly what's left is a Temptations discog, a few gigs of random music, and the complete Bach collection. After that's done, I'll have all of my music sorted, filed, and imported into my iTunes library. I'm already up past 55,000 songs, and 320GB.