Coming To Terms
When I was a child, I used to be an optimist. People that have known me within the last half decade or so of my life alone would never have realized this.
I used to dream big, have hopes that one day I'd make an income comfortable enough to allow me to buy a few nice things, and to pick up the tab taking friends to eat. Yes, that's dreaming big by my standards today.
I have grown accustomed to the idea that my life will not improve, since all attempts to make changes have been steps backwards in unexpected ways. And of course, we all know how much fun it it to just hold your ground where you're in a place you hate.
Harder still has been giving up the dreams. Consigning myself to a life within "my means", when those means are a one-bedroom apartment in a shitty neighborhood, and only rice, pasta, and ramen noodles on my table for the foreseeable future.
Apathy has successfully numbed my lack of ability to find a job that doesn't make me want to bash my head on a cement wall on a daily basis (mostly) as well as preventing me from caring about the poor health I'm in. But I still occasionally think that maybe I should expect a little more out of my life.
I'll have to work on that.
I used to dream big, have hopes that one day I'd make an income comfortable enough to allow me to buy a few nice things, and to pick up the tab taking friends to eat. Yes, that's dreaming big by my standards today.
I have grown accustomed to the idea that my life will not improve, since all attempts to make changes have been steps backwards in unexpected ways. And of course, we all know how much fun it it to just hold your ground where you're in a place you hate.
Harder still has been giving up the dreams. Consigning myself to a life within "my means", when those means are a one-bedroom apartment in a shitty neighborhood, and only rice, pasta, and ramen noodles on my table for the foreseeable future.
Apathy has successfully numbed my lack of ability to find a job that doesn't make me want to bash my head on a cement wall on a daily basis (mostly) as well as preventing me from caring about the poor health I'm in. But I still occasionally think that maybe I should expect a little more out of my life.
I'll have to work on that.