Aloha, Jersey
Steve rested his shoulder against the doorway of Danny's office and grinned. Danny was hair-deep in paperwork, stacks of which littered his desk and almost obscured him from Steve's sight.
"Type of expenditure," Danny muttered to himself, but loud enough for anyone passing by to hear. "Hand grenades. Reason for expenditure. My partner is a loon."
"Hey, I heard that. Did you get my e-mail?"
Danny raised his head and gave Steve the stink-eye. "You know, Steven, one of my many pet peeves is people who send you an e-mail and then walk over to you to ask if you got the e-mail. The next bit is where they ask if you read the e-mail, because the sending and face-to-face follow up somehow don't convey the urgency of what's contained therein."
"So did you read it?"
"Of course not. It's from you. I take any and all opportunities to ignore you, whenever and as often as I can. And what's with the title? Read me.' Are you a total schmuck when it comes to the Internet? That title makes it look like someone's spoofing your e-mail address and sending a virus. I'll just delete it, for safety's sake." Danny smiled and moved the mouse around in circles on its pad.
"Just open the damn thing. I promise it won't bite."
"Alright, but it's on your head when I have to explain to the governor why Lieutenant Commander Steven J. McGarrett is too stupid to know what a virus is."
Danny double-clicked the subject line and then the link enclosed. "Fuck me. Where'd you get this, the Hawaii Chamber of Commerce? Hawaii Rocks, Incorporated?"
Steve sat down across from Danny. "It's a Gallup poll. You'd trust them, right? And what state did they find ranks the highest overall for well-being? Say it out loud for me."
Danny pouted. "I will not."
"Hawaii," Steve said, triumphantly.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Danny dove into the article, anxious to disprove the lies laid before him. "Lemme see how they figured this bit of genius out. Random sample of adults, blah, blah, blah. Here we go: six categories of well-being. First is self-evaluation about your present life situation and anticipated one in five years. Ha! You try to get me killed every day. And if I'm lucky enough to be alive in five years, you'll still be dragging me into hell."
"Next," Danny continued, "emotional health. I have the start of an ulcer and my hair is beginning to gray and thin at the temples."
Steve looked down his nose at Danny. "How is your hair connected to your emotional health?"
"I'm quite fond of it the way it was, thank you. Any changes and I get upset. Ergo," Danny pointed at Steve, "your fault."
"I'm sensing a theme, here."
"Work environment, such as job satisfaction." Danny thought for a moment. "You drive my car, everywhere. Bad. You keep grenades in my car. Very bad. You drive my car on two wheels to get me to throw up. Extremely bad. You tie suspects to the hood of my car to make them talk. Unacceptable."
"You did that!" Steve interjected.
"Pffttt. Details," Danny said, dismissively, with a wave of his hand. "Physical health. Since meeting you, I've been shot, stabbed, punched, gassed, electrocuted, poisoned."
"You were shot once in the shoulder. That's it. And maybe you can blame me for your knee giving out on you because..."
"Ah! Ah! Ah!" Danny scolded. "Who's rating his well-being here? No help from the peanut gallery. OK, healthy behavior. Malasadas. Coco puffs. Spam. Longboards. And you refuse to take me surfing. Real nice, McGarrett. See what you do to me? With that diet and no exercise, I'm a heart attack waiting to happen."
Steve just shook his head.
"And, finally, access to health care. I've had so many x-rays because of you, I glow in the dark."
"Aren't you supposed to tug at your collar and say I tell ya, I get no respect."
Danny smirked. "I believe I've made my point. You are the roadblock to my well-being. And you are in Hawaii..."
"Ergo," Steve said. "I get it. Now let me have a shot. Come with me for the afternoon. I'll prove to you once and for all that Hawaii is the best place for you to be. And your well-being will thank me for it."
-----
Three-and-a-half hours later, Steve and Danny were sprawled out, naked and exhausted, across Steve's bed. They'd just completed the most marathon fuck-suck-grope-stroke-finger-nibble-nuzzle-tongue session of their several-month long relationship. Both slick with sweat, Steve pulled Danny into a long, probing kiss, then tucked his partner's head on his shoulder.
"Present life situation and anticipated one in five years."
Danny was confused. "What?"
Steve continued. "You love me. I love you. And, I want you to move in here, sooner rather than later. In five years, who knows? We'll definitely still be together. Maybe, we'll truly be the old married couple everyone in the world accuses us of being."
"Oh...my...God."
"Emotional health. You need someone to care about, to ground you. You need someone to yell at, to blow off steam. Otherwise, you will get an ulcer."
"I don't believe this."
"Work environment. You have the best team surrounding you, a group who've always got your back and you can trust implicitly."
"Son-of-a-bitch, McGarrett. You memorized the fucking list."
"Physical health. I take responsibility for getting you shot. And, for the knee. If I wouldn't have fucked you senseless, you wouldn't have been lightheaded and torn your ACL when you got out of bed."
"You swore you'd never mention that again!" Danny started to turn a few shades redder.
"Other than the knee incident, for physical health and healthy behavior, this, here," Steve gestured wildly, Danny-style, "is the best exercise you can get. Great cardiovascular and builds muscle." He emphasized this by smacking Danny on his wonderfully firm, bare ass.
"Ow, fucker."
"And, access to health care..."
"Enough!" Danny kissed Steve quiet. "I get it. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're sweet and wonderful. You make the sun rise and you hang the moon."
"About time you admitted that," Steve grinned.
"And, I love you, you goof..."
"Love you, too, Danno."
"...but, I will never, ever consider admitting that this state is good for my well-being. Now, New Jersey, which I'm sure is in the top ten, if not the top three states..."
Steve tuned Danny out, as he snaked his way down his partner's furry body and swallowed Danny, down to the base in one go.
"I mean for food alone you can't beat...Oh, God..." Danny sucked in a long breath of air and Steve's cock twitched. He knew he had Danny under control, for now.
Their next argument would be when Steve told Danny New Jersey ranked 24th.