I'm just in one of those moods.
"Dude I am so disillusioned right now."
--Stan Southpark s.4/ep.8
It's true. I relate with Stan. I am stuck in this state of disenchantment, surrounded by ideas that refuse to correspond with what my mind thinks it knows.
Main Entry: disappointment
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: displeasure
Synonyms: adverse fate, adversity, bafflement, blow, chagrin, defeat, despondency, discontent, discouragement, disenchantment, disgruntlement, disillusion, disillusionment, dissatisfaction, distress, failure, frustration, letdown, mortification, nonsuccess, regret, setback, the knocks, unfulfillment, upset
My lack of excitement towards life stems from numerous angles of disappointment.
Picking a thesis book I thought to myself, none of them are going to be the right book no matter how much I research. None of them will be exciting enough, witty enough, interesting enough without being overused to the point where everyone and their mother's have already read it.
Not to mention I'm "too disillusioned to talk about love". It's not that I don't believe in love, the romantic/true kind, it's just that I don't much care for it anymore. This might just be a side effect of depression, or it might be the over accessibility of the issue. That sure sounds like I have myself up on some "I could date anyone I wanted" pedestal. However, this is not the case. The case in point is that I simply don't want to date anyone I'm interested in and pretty much can't.
I've always enjoyed finding the little things about people that make them special. Yet, I've heard time and time again the following quote: "If no one is special then everyone is, and if everyone is then no one is." It makes sense in a way that isn't really that hard to explain. If you see the little special things about everyone, you soon realize that everyone has these unique traits that, though different, aren't so unique in their design/origin. I suppose if this weren't true, no one would be able to relate. The problem I'm having is the world is seeming more like a series of masterable computer programming languages that, once understood, are undo-able and see-through-able.
I find myself failing at nearly everything because once I can see the end product, I can map out my way to said product, and really lose interest at the simplicity of everything.
ex. High school, simple work, filling out applications, etc.
It's simple to grovel your way into having people to hang out with, but it's just as simple to deal with being bored and stay at home. In fact, once you've hung out with people and realize you are capable of such and reach that point of boredom, you'll want to be at home anyway, searching for the next hurdle.
My life is feeling repetitive. A series of excitement-turned-boredom-through-the-looking-glass-down-the-rabbit-hole extravaganzas that amount to little more than my parents' disappointment.
If only I could find something usefully worthless that would preoccupy me until the point of my death.
If only I saw the point in saving for a funeral.
--Stan Southpark s.4/ep.8
It's true. I relate with Stan. I am stuck in this state of disenchantment, surrounded by ideas that refuse to correspond with what my mind thinks it knows.
Main Entry: disappointment
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: displeasure
Synonyms: adverse fate, adversity, bafflement, blow, chagrin, defeat, despondency, discontent, discouragement, disenchantment, disgruntlement, disillusion, disillusionment, dissatisfaction, distress, failure, frustration, letdown, mortification, nonsuccess, regret, setback, the knocks, unfulfillment, upset
My lack of excitement towards life stems from numerous angles of disappointment.
Picking a thesis book I thought to myself, none of them are going to be the right book no matter how much I research. None of them will be exciting enough, witty enough, interesting enough without being overused to the point where everyone and their mother's have already read it.
Not to mention I'm "too disillusioned to talk about love". It's not that I don't believe in love, the romantic/true kind, it's just that I don't much care for it anymore. This might just be a side effect of depression, or it might be the over accessibility of the issue. That sure sounds like I have myself up on some "I could date anyone I wanted" pedestal. However, this is not the case. The case in point is that I simply don't want to date anyone I'm interested in and pretty much can't.
I've always enjoyed finding the little things about people that make them special. Yet, I've heard time and time again the following quote: "If no one is special then everyone is, and if everyone is then no one is." It makes sense in a way that isn't really that hard to explain. If you see the little special things about everyone, you soon realize that everyone has these unique traits that, though different, aren't so unique in their design/origin. I suppose if this weren't true, no one would be able to relate. The problem I'm having is the world is seeming more like a series of masterable computer programming languages that, once understood, are undo-able and see-through-able.
I find myself failing at nearly everything because once I can see the end product, I can map out my way to said product, and really lose interest at the simplicity of everything.
ex. High school, simple work, filling out applications, etc.
It's simple to grovel your way into having people to hang out with, but it's just as simple to deal with being bored and stay at home. In fact, once you've hung out with people and realize you are capable of such and reach that point of boredom, you'll want to be at home anyway, searching for the next hurdle.
My life is feeling repetitive. A series of excitement-turned-boredom-through-the-looking-glass-down-the-rabbit-hole extravaganzas that amount to little more than my parents' disappointment.
If only I could find something usefully worthless that would preoccupy me until the point of my death.
If only I saw the point in saving for a funeral.