Wow Nikki's back... for real this time.
Currently Listening
Here's to the Mourning
By Unwritten Law
Save Me
see related Had a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.
And I'm sick of my sickness
Don't touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wakeup call,
And everything, everything's my fault.
Yes yes I know I haven't updated a true blog in a rather long time. But lately I have had an epiphany. I realized first of all how much I have changed. I believe it is for the better but it has caused some of my best friendships to drift apart.
I have also come to realize that I have STRONG feelings for this one boy. I have NEVER had feelings as drastic as my feelings are for this particular boy. I am not saying that I am "in love" with this boy, for I am only 17, I do not believe that I trully know what it means to love somebody (besides family in this case). But this is definetly the closest to love that I have ever been. What hurts me even more is that he likes one of my best friends who is not only GORGEOUS but smart, funny, sweet, good sense of humor, she is just freaking adorable. I have told her on many occasions that if i was a guy, i'd do her. So I am happy for them, I mean they are my best friends and they only deserve the best, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I don't think I have ever been this heartbroken in my life.
So what now. I try telling the boy why I was upset before, that it was just jealousy that I can't control. That it doesn't make a difference cuz he is about to ask out my best friend and I will just be jealous then too. I lay my heart out on the line. And what happens? We argue and ignore each other.
GODDAMN YOU HEART.
WHY DID YOU MAKE ME FALL FOR MY BEST FRIEND AND THEN MAKE ME LOSE HIM?
WHY?