(Partial?) Rationalization of the Best Friend/Lover Conundrum
Usually this problem is addressed from the side of success...i.e. whether it is better to form a relationship with a current friend or find somebody new. Some believe that a successful relationship comes best when best friends get together. Others believe it is always wrong to date friends. I dont take sides with either one, i believe both starts will work but the important thing is that once in the relationship the two people must BE best friends. If they werent friends already then they must develop that bond first...it is simple necessary because the roles of a best friend are included in the roles of a lover. The "best friend" is included in the whole known as "lover" BY DEFINITION. If not then that relationship is doomed because it does not meet requirements for a successful relationship. There exists a second problem with the best friend/lover connection. It occurs on the side of failure. There are two best friends, and one develops the desire to become more, the other one however is lost on that concept and must remain just best friends. While the strict best friend may suffer some inconveniences such as awkwardness, the one desiring more is faced with some rather serious issues...i.e. the grounds for situations of conflicting interests to arise. This person shall be referred to as the "romantic." The romantic has two sides: "the best friend" and "the lover". If the friendship is to continue the then romantic must hold on to the best friend. Unfortunately it is not possible for the romantic to let go of the lover, this is so because of the lack of control over such emotional matters as previously covered. In the case that the lover status is not shared, there will be conflicting roles. For instance: there are certain actions which a person may commit that a best friend may object to and is permitted to do so, but only to a certain extent. the lover however will not see those boundaries and will be driven to cross them due merely to the fact that the lover cares so much for the object of affection. It is wrong for the best friend to cross those boundaries and wrong for the lover not to...the romantic is torn. A second example: The "object"(of affection) begins to see somebody other than the romantic. The best friend wishes the object well on this venture and is happy for the object. The lover however is devastated by this turn of events. The romantic must be happy and destroyed at the same time. There is no easy solution to the problem. Either drop the best friend or wait it out to see if the lover moves on or perhaps is finally met with love returned. In the latter case it will require a delicate balancing act with a special kind of tactfulness and patience and endurance for emotional stress/pain. Good luck.