(no subject)
yeah so i was at a therapeutic community in new brunswick called damon house for 6 months from october to april. it was pretty crazy there. its supposed to be the hardest one in new jersey. before i went in i had everyone in the county telling me how hard it was and how i wasn't gonna last there and how they had a friend who jumped out the window to escape and shit. so i was kinda scared to go. its basically behavioral therapy there. treating and fixing your behaviors that contributed to you getting high. there's different phases that you progress in.. very strict. you get yelled at. all types of nonsense. here's a typical day.. wake up at 5:50, morning work out, time to shower/make your bed, breakfast, morning meeting, job functions or a seminar, lunch, job functions or a seminar, dinner, seminar or free time, snack, bed.
job functions is.. well you have a specific job function you're assigned to. the people in lower phases are in the kitchen (cook the meals), or maintenance (clean the house). once you start moving up your job changes to laundry (washes everyone's clothes), acquisitions (acquires stuff for the house and is in charge of clothes for the clients), phone & reception (answers the phone and is in charge of different types of paper work), and at the very top are the expeditors. the expeditors basically are the eyes and ears of the community, they go around making sure everything is running smoothly, basically running the house. if they see someone doing something wrong they can "back you up" which is being sent to a certain spot in the house where you have to stand until they come get you, which consists of them yelling at you something like "do you know why you're backed up? for cursing. be more aware, tighten up, and get out!" you can get in more serious trouble by staff which would be "g.i. strings" which is where you wear sweatpants with shorts over them and have to clean all day from 6am to 10pm except during meals and seminars.. that can last up to 2 weeks. if you break a real serious rule you can do a "contract".. which first you sit on a bench for around 5 days.. you can't talk to anyone, and then you have a house meeting where everyone is in a room and you stand in the middle and they ask you questions and yell at you and basically decide if you're gonna be discharged or stay and do a contract.. which is like g.i. strings except you wear a stocking on your head and you can be thrown out at anytime if you fuck up. and various other types of shit, like repercussions and etc... i was on the maintenance crew and then i was in charge of the phone & reception crew. oh they also have a group called "encounter group" where everyone sits in a room and you have to encounter people on their shit, like shit they've done and attitudes.
you couldn't smoke or drink coffee there which sucked. i did it anyway (both things you could do a contract for).. its a crazy place to be but it really teaches you a lot whether you realize it or not. personally, i didn't realize how much i changed until i got out. just the way you handle people and yourself and you have a new sense of responsibility and structure.. i am actually grateful to have gone there.
then i went to the halfway house near atlantic city. at this particular halfway house they find you jobs and bring you to them.. they had me working the very next day picking up trash at a recycling center. and then the court date thing happened and they discharged me.
i went to court this past friday.. i got 3 years probation which is going to run concurrent with my drug court.. also 75 hours community service, 2 years loss of license, and about $4500 in fines.
but hey, atleast i'm not locked up. because the next step IS prison (not county jail) if i fuck up.
so now i am trying to get into an oxford house (3/4 house, basically the next step after a halfway house. you live with 6-15 other recovering addicts, no staff.. it is basically living on your own with room mates). all of the halfway houses in NJ are full and have long waiting lists, so i'm skipping that step. damon house is actually doing me this big favor and they set up some type of outpatient for me.. where i go there once a day for a seminar or whatever, the clinical director is my counselor.. i don't think they've ever done that for someone before. apparently they were really impressed that i came back asking for help after i got discharged from the halfway house. so this is until i get into an oxford house.
i'm waiting for a call back from one to set up an interview.. hopefully its soon. because i am realizing i can't stand being at home. my mother is crazy, neurotic, controlling, annoying, etc. which i feel bad saying but it is the truth. and i can now better control how i respond to her and deal with her, but its not something i need to be around. also, just being here, at home, in this town, in my house, is creating feelings. like that emptiness is creeping back in me making me want to do dope. its not something i plan to succumb to, not without a messy fucking fight, but if i don't need to be in this environment then get me the hell out as soon as possible.
the oxford house i want to get into is in a different county. its by the shore. my friend zach i was at damon house with is in an oxford house in that area so i wanted to go over there. his house is full but there's a few other ones in the area.
my probation officer stopped by my house today to see what was up. just a reminder of where drugs have brought me and more incentive to stay clean.. complete fucking drug court and just live.
i had a good weekend though. well first of all, friday i went with some people from damon house to an NA meeting. i smoked cigarettes on the way there in their presence. saturday i go back and find out i got them in trouble. apparently i wasn't supposed to do that. the director actually called me this morning (the biggest bitch in the world) yelling at me telling me i'm on thin ice now. oh well. i just won't do it again. but anyway i went saturday for a seminar there.. my friend zach came to visit damon house and then we left and walked around new brunswick and ate grease trucks and went to an NA meeting. i hadn't seen him since january so that was real nice.
sunday i got to see more people i was at damon house with who i hadn't seen in a couple months (all these people completed in january and february, i completed in april).. Ed, a korean kid picked up John who is at a halfway house in paterson, then he picked up Zach (who is at his oxford house), then they came to my house which is about 10 minutes away from damon house. we visited damon house for a little bit and then we drove to staten island and took the ferry into manhattan. walked around, ate at a chinese buffet, and then went our seperate ways. it was very nice though because zach and john especially i was real close with. Ed is someone who's more just a funny person as opposed to a recovery buddy. but it was good.
i have all these people i can talk to now and hang out with clean..its a beautiful thing. i haven't talked to anybody i used to do dope with.. i mean a couple have IMed me but nothing more than that.
life is pretty ok right now but i need to get the fuck outta franklin as soon as possible.
job functions is.. well you have a specific job function you're assigned to. the people in lower phases are in the kitchen (cook the meals), or maintenance (clean the house). once you start moving up your job changes to laundry (washes everyone's clothes), acquisitions (acquires stuff for the house and is in charge of clothes for the clients), phone & reception (answers the phone and is in charge of different types of paper work), and at the very top are the expeditors. the expeditors basically are the eyes and ears of the community, they go around making sure everything is running smoothly, basically running the house. if they see someone doing something wrong they can "back you up" which is being sent to a certain spot in the house where you have to stand until they come get you, which consists of them yelling at you something like "do you know why you're backed up? for cursing. be more aware, tighten up, and get out!" you can get in more serious trouble by staff which would be "g.i. strings" which is where you wear sweatpants with shorts over them and have to clean all day from 6am to 10pm except during meals and seminars.. that can last up to 2 weeks. if you break a real serious rule you can do a "contract".. which first you sit on a bench for around 5 days.. you can't talk to anyone, and then you have a house meeting where everyone is in a room and you stand in the middle and they ask you questions and yell at you and basically decide if you're gonna be discharged or stay and do a contract.. which is like g.i. strings except you wear a stocking on your head and you can be thrown out at anytime if you fuck up. and various other types of shit, like repercussions and etc... i was on the maintenance crew and then i was in charge of the phone & reception crew. oh they also have a group called "encounter group" where everyone sits in a room and you have to encounter people on their shit, like shit they've done and attitudes.
you couldn't smoke or drink coffee there which sucked. i did it anyway (both things you could do a contract for).. its a crazy place to be but it really teaches you a lot whether you realize it or not. personally, i didn't realize how much i changed until i got out. just the way you handle people and yourself and you have a new sense of responsibility and structure.. i am actually grateful to have gone there.
then i went to the halfway house near atlantic city. at this particular halfway house they find you jobs and bring you to them.. they had me working the very next day picking up trash at a recycling center. and then the court date thing happened and they discharged me.
i went to court this past friday.. i got 3 years probation which is going to run concurrent with my drug court.. also 75 hours community service, 2 years loss of license, and about $4500 in fines.
but hey, atleast i'm not locked up. because the next step IS prison (not county jail) if i fuck up.
so now i am trying to get into an oxford house (3/4 house, basically the next step after a halfway house. you live with 6-15 other recovering addicts, no staff.. it is basically living on your own with room mates). all of the halfway houses in NJ are full and have long waiting lists, so i'm skipping that step. damon house is actually doing me this big favor and they set up some type of outpatient for me.. where i go there once a day for a seminar or whatever, the clinical director is my counselor.. i don't think they've ever done that for someone before. apparently they were really impressed that i came back asking for help after i got discharged from the halfway house. so this is until i get into an oxford house.
i'm waiting for a call back from one to set up an interview.. hopefully its soon. because i am realizing i can't stand being at home. my mother is crazy, neurotic, controlling, annoying, etc. which i feel bad saying but it is the truth. and i can now better control how i respond to her and deal with her, but its not something i need to be around. also, just being here, at home, in this town, in my house, is creating feelings. like that emptiness is creeping back in me making me want to do dope. its not something i plan to succumb to, not without a messy fucking fight, but if i don't need to be in this environment then get me the hell out as soon as possible.
the oxford house i want to get into is in a different county. its by the shore. my friend zach i was at damon house with is in an oxford house in that area so i wanted to go over there. his house is full but there's a few other ones in the area.
my probation officer stopped by my house today to see what was up. just a reminder of where drugs have brought me and more incentive to stay clean.. complete fucking drug court and just live.
i had a good weekend though. well first of all, friday i went with some people from damon house to an NA meeting. i smoked cigarettes on the way there in their presence. saturday i go back and find out i got them in trouble. apparently i wasn't supposed to do that. the director actually called me this morning (the biggest bitch in the world) yelling at me telling me i'm on thin ice now. oh well. i just won't do it again. but anyway i went saturday for a seminar there.. my friend zach came to visit damon house and then we left and walked around new brunswick and ate grease trucks and went to an NA meeting. i hadn't seen him since january so that was real nice.
sunday i got to see more people i was at damon house with who i hadn't seen in a couple months (all these people completed in january and february, i completed in april).. Ed, a korean kid picked up John who is at a halfway house in paterson, then he picked up Zach (who is at his oxford house), then they came to my house which is about 10 minutes away from damon house. we visited damon house for a little bit and then we drove to staten island and took the ferry into manhattan. walked around, ate at a chinese buffet, and then went our seperate ways. it was very nice though because zach and john especially i was real close with. Ed is someone who's more just a funny person as opposed to a recovery buddy. but it was good.
i have all these people i can talk to now and hang out with clean..its a beautiful thing. i haven't talked to anybody i used to do dope with.. i mean a couple have IMed me but nothing more than that.
life is pretty ok right now but i need to get the fuck outta franklin as soon as possible.